Val - October 97
10. McTavish? Genius. Pure Genius.
9. Maybe Rebecca was just misunderstood.
8. Nola, You can make love to Quinton anytime. Right now, you really need to answer that phone.
7. I don't know. I think they could have waited a little bit longer for that first kiss.
6. They're finally alone, and on a romantic cruise ship too. And nothing's going to happen. All right!
5. Let me get this straight. She never slept with his father or any of his brothers?
4. Oh, I remember Quola. He lived in a creepy house. She dressed funny and had fantasies about fire trucks. Right?
3. I'll never forgive her for breaking up Kelly and Morgan.
2. Okay, Quinton's rich, handsome, and brilliant. But does he have his own band?
And the Number One Thing. You'll Never Hear a True Quola Say:
Rauch Rules!!!!!!!!!!!
Donna - November 96
After hearing the devastating rumor and then verification of the decision to temporarily recast the role of Quint, several mistakes were found on another Top Ten List entitled "Top Ten Reasons Nola Won't "Last" Until Christmas". Upon closer examination we realized our errors and are following up with this revised list.
10. Laibson does not want to ever know the wrath of the Quola fans should she not "last"
9. "Quint" will mysteriously lose all his sex appeal from about . . . mid November to mid December.
8. For about a month starting on November 18th or so, suddenly "Quint" will eerily remind Nola of that creepy loser Floyd that she left at the altar.
7. "Quint" will also mysteriously lose his charm from about mid November to mid December.
6. If the "faux Quint" gets anywhere near Nola all hell will break out from the Quola camp.
5. An evil figure transforming spirit will possess "Quint" from about November 21 to December 10 and should Nola get within ten feet of him she too will be possessed and permanently destroyed.
4. None of the Quola fans will be watching . . . so why bother.
3. Nola's celibacy card of America actually does not run out until December 31, 1996 or upon the return of the "real Quint" whichever comes sooner.
2. "Quint" will have kooties from November 15 to December 10. Every girl learns at a young age to stay away from boys with kooties.
And the NUMBER ONE reason Nola WILL "last" until Christmas . . . it's not nice to intentionally make grown women cry and the tears would be flowing across the country if any pivotal or intimate scene is played out with the "faux Quint".
Val - October 96
10. Nola would have had twins fathered by both Floyd and Kelly Nelson.
9. Vanessa would have fallen in love with and tried to consummate a relationship with her half-brother Quinton.
8. There would have been a giant carousel in the middle of the living room at Thornway Road.
7. Silas Crocker would not only have kidnapped Nola, but he would have raped her too, and then he would have came back to Springfield, put on a wig and a dress and got a room at the boarding house. And no one in town would have ever realized he was really a man.
6. Fritz would have been a muscle bound, shirtless hunk with very dreamy eyes.
5. Mrs. Renfield would have been known as the "Thornway Road Madam".
4. Rebecca would not had to have undergone numerous, painful operations in order to talk again. She would have just spent two weeks in New York and then came back to town speaking perfectly.
3. Nola and Quinton would have gotten married at Universal Studios.
2. Johnny and Nora would not have been a ghosts. They would have, instead been angels with very dreamy eyes.
And the Number One Way Retro Quola Would Have Been Different If McTavish Had Written It Is:
Instead of being an archaeologist, Quinton would have been a short order cook at a greasy spoon diner, and Nola would have been a wise-cracking waitress there. And instead of searching for the Temple of Gold, they would have to had to continually search for a way to keep the Health Department from closing them down.
After watching the September 26, 1996 episode with Quinton nuzzling Nola, the question that naturally runs through one's mind is just how much longer will Nola be able to "last". The resistance already seems dangerously low, but it is a soap opera so Nola will be granted some willpower to create that wonderful "sexual tension", but eventually enough will be enough. But if the truth be known, it is not believed that Nola really stands a chance at all thus was created . . . .
Top Ten Reasons Nola Won't "Last" until Christmas
10. Quint's breath on her face is so damn sweet.
9. McTavish has been fired!
8. Nola is after all a red blooded woman.
7. The "real Quint" is back and sexier than ever.
6. It's a well known Quola fact that Quint always considered November his lucky month and that Nola always promised to keep it lucky.
5. There's only so much seductive whispering in the ear that one woman can take.
4. November is sweeps month and what better time for a long awaited (is 12 years long awaited enough?) "roll in the hay" or in this case roll in the tent.
3. Nola's membership card in the "Celibacy Club of America" expires at the end October 1996.
2. Three little words . . . Quint's devastating charm.
And the number one reason that Nola won't "last" until Christmas . . .
We all know the purpose of that elaborate tent set and even an "All Privileges Dramatic License" can not buy them an Indian Summer day warm enough for . . . well you know . . . too far past November.
Val - August 1996
As all us diehard Quolas know, Nola once told Quint that there was nothing in his past that would make her turn her back on him. But Quinton Chamberlain, alias, Sean Ryan, alias, Quinton R. McCord, sure did have a lot of secrets, didn't he? And even though he did finally confide most of them to Nola, there were some that 'The Powers That Be' at GL thought would be just too much for Nola or anybody else to handle. We all have things in our past we would prefer to keep hidden, but is anyone out there covering up anything as horrendous as any of these:
10. He got 11 CD's for a penny. And then never bought another one. Thus, never fulfilling his membership commitment to Columbia House.
9. He can't parallel park worth a damn.
8. He used to like to sing along with the opening theme of "Green Acres."
7. He once tore the "Do not remove under penalty of law" tag off his pillow.
6 He went to see all the "Herbie the Love Bug" movies.
5. Even though he's a scholar, author, and world-renown archaeologist, he still can't program his VCR.
4. He found Jan far more attractive than Marcia.
3. He actually liked the "Bobby in the shower scene" on Dallas. Dallas just wasn't the same without Bobby.
2. He once made a huge return on a small investment on a dubious land deal, during his husband's term as governor of Arkansas. (Oh, wait a minute. That's not Quinton's Deep Dark Secret. That's Hillary Clinton's deep, dark secret. Sorry.)
And Quinton's Number One Rejected Deep Dark Secret Hiding in His Closet:
Two Words, "Disco Quinton"
Val - September 1996
10. He never could remember to lock those damn living room doors before starting to get romantic with Nola.
9. After their first kiss, he actually chose work over romance, and left Nola alone on that beach in St. Croix, in order to search for some god-forsaken sunken barge.
8. He didn't jump in the pond with Nola in St. Croix and yell, "Let's go skinny-dipping."
7. He never put a "Do Not Disturb" sign outside that tent in St. Croix.
6. He didn't tell the desk clerk at the hotel in Hollywood to hold all incoming calls.
5. He booked passage on that old-fashioned, virtue-restoring cruise from Tanquir, while he could have waited and took Nola on a cruise on the "Love Boat". Everybody got lucky on the "Love Boat".
4. He wasted all that time playing poker with the Reardons when he would have much rather have been home with Nola playing . . . Naked Twister.
3. He never installed a hot tub in the secret passageway.
2. He all in all, spent just way too much time studying old bones instead of jumping on Nola's.
And Quinton's Number One Regret from The 80's.
He and Nola tried so hard to get a moment alone together in that old house, but for some odd reason, it never once occurred to him that they could have just jumped in the car and drove to the Motel Six, that was only four blocks away.
Sabrina (and Donna and Rybeth) - August 1996
10. Choosing "career" over a second honeymoon in Miami Beach.
9. Refusing Quint's escort to the romantic jungle pond on St. Croix.
8. Mentioning those d**n maps when Quint was in a romantic mood in London.
7. Falling asleep in the berth on the train with a willing, ready and ascot-free Quint lying beside her giving her the "look".
6. Not taking "full" advantage of all those secret passageways and the locked secret room at Thornway Road.
5. Nolaerobics.
4. Mentioning the d**n sunken barge right after the kiss on the beach in St. Croix.
3. Chasing after a pair of ghosts on her honeymoon when she could have been chasing after a flesh & blood Quint.
2. Choosing virtue over fun on the return cruise from Tanquir.
And Nola's Number One Regret from the 80's --
Answering that d**n phone in Hollywood.
Val - August 1996
10. Sharing evil, back-stabbing bitch techniques with Amanda.
9. Trying to talk Allan into adopting her, claiming she's got what
it takes to be a Spaulding.
8. Kicking puppies.
7. Hanging around the Lewis', trying to find out H.B.'s whereabouts.
(She can't help it; there's just something about rich, older men.)
6. Chatting with Zachary. (It's always a good idea to know what the
other side is up to.)
5. Renting "Fatal Attraction", and cheering for the Glenn Close character.
4. Asking her mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, Who's the fairest of
them all? and getting really upset, when it answers, "Not you, bimbo."
3. Going to visit Reva, asking her, "So what does one really have to do
to qualify as "Slut of Springfield"?
2. Finding true love. Who would have ever guessed there was someone
in Springfield that could put up with Jessica. And who is Jessica's
soulmate, you may ask. That paper-mache dummy that Roger made, of
course.
And the Number One Thing that Jessica Has Been Up to, while in Springfield
is:
a tie between Sticking pins in her Nola voodoo doll
and doing volunteer work for the Dole campaign. (She can't help it; there's
just something about rich, older men....
Last updated 30 Oct. 1997