Welcome to an exclusive summary of the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center's An Evening with CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, which took place at the Lighthouse in New York City on January 31, 2004. David Berman was the special guest who gave a great presentation on CSI, and helped out immensely with the charity auction.

Adam Berman, David's older brother, introduced David by showing a segment that the producers made especially for the auction. It showed a number of segments in which David portrayed Dr. David Phillips, the assistant coroner. Both dramatic and humorous moments were shown, such as David had to remove a body from a freezer, to when David Phillips reminisced about a childhood TV show in “Fur and Loathing.” It concluded by saying, that until this date, David had appeared in 40 episodes.

For the benefit of those audience members who didn't know what CSI was about, David showed a special video presentation made by the show's editors, which highlighted the show. William Petersen showed up on screen, approaching the camera stating "I'm a crime scene investigator. I work graveyard in Vegas. I'm not a cop. They chase lies. I follow evidence, till it leads to the truth… there's always a clue. I find it." The video, which lasted several minutes, was comprised of dozens of shots of all the cast, from different episodes.

“The star of the program of the show is the science,” said Berman. In addition to playing the show's assistant coroner, David Berman is also the series' head researcher, which takes up most of his time. With the show's” heavy reliance on minute detail, forensic jargon, and general dependence on random factoids,” it keeps him very busy and involved with the show. Both CSI and CSI: Miami have on-set technical advisors who watch everything that is shot, to “make sure we don't do anything horribly wrong.” David's job is to help the writers with day-to-day writing of the scripts, from the story's inception to the completed product.

In the beginning, the writers all get together and toss out story ideas, and many times they're based on stories 'ripped from the headlines,' be in a major plot or just a tiny portion. Then the writers develop storypoints, which are added to a storyboard to create an outline. At that point the showrunner will assign that story to either a writer or a team of writers. That's when David is contacted, via phone or e-mail, with a whole bunch of questions, which comprises the whole spectrum of forensic information, but also other topics such as SCUBA diving, stamp collecting, Shakespeare, rollercoaster construction, cliff diving, liposuction, breast reduction, breast enhancement, sexual habits of raccoons, coffee-bean eating cats, etc. He says he learns something new everyday on his job. “Did you know that an eyeball will melt at 167 degrees Fahrenheit? We never used that in the show but it's one of my favorite facts that I can't really forget. I don't know how anybody actually knew that, but someone was convinced. Not 168, or 166, but 167.”

He will go over the questions, matching the questions to a particular expert. Over the years he's compiled a list of over 250 professionals from all aspects of law enforcements and will contact those experts for answers. In the season two episode, “Primum Non Nocere,” Grissom and Sara are checking out a crime scene at an ice hockey rink, which had recently been cleaned by a Zamboni machine. This raised a whole bunch of questions, such as how the Zamboni cleaned the ice, where the ice was dumped, etc. so David called the Zamboni people who said that the ice was usually dumped in 3x5x5 pile, or 75 square feet. Then he had to find out the average temperature in Vegas at night in January (35 degrees F), because Grissom needs to melt the ice to find the evidence. So David had to find out how long it would take to melt that size pile with Honeywell heaters. David then admitted that the “word mathematics sends me into a fetal position.” They hadn't had any real physics questions for the show at that point in time, so he surfed the net for professionals and contacted about a dozen, but “most of them ignored my queries.” However, a man in Kent, Ohio, did write back “a three-page mathematical calculation and on the top he wrote 'here's a back of the envelope calculation.' It was three pages. I didn't understand more than 3 or 4 words in the whole thing.” But he got some good facts from it, such questions on the density of the ice, wind factors, etc. It would be a very difficult problem to solve. He couldn't give David a number, and “there's no way the characters will talk half an hour about math on the show.” All he needed was a couple good words. Another gentlemen at Cooper Union College in New York helped saying “basically the two theories that are behind this principle are Fourier's Law of Conduction and Newton's Law of Cooling. Basically, as soon as he said that… that's all I needed. We just needed some really good words for our characters to say.” He knew that the producers wouldn't be happy with 3x5x5 piles. “It's not big enough. On CSI, everything is big. Over the top.” He knew that would be changed, so he sent all the information to the writers, and then he showed the results. The scene was Grissom and Sara walking around a huge pile of shaved ice from the hockey rink in which Grisosm condensed all that information into about two lines of dialogue, mentioning the above two laws.

David then went on to discuss how reality and entertainment merge, and how compromises are made. In the season four episode “Butterflied,” part of the plot was that evidence showed that the killer was possibly left-handed. While many experts today conclude that it is impossible to determine that, and that any such theory would not stand up in court, David did find some experts to talk to. They agreed it would not stand up in court, but did give details on how it might be determined. David then showed the clip in which Dr. Robbins talked to Grissom about how the manner of cuts on the dismembered body could have been done by a left-handed killer. [The clip didn't show immediately, so the audience was left looking at a blue screen, to which David quipped “The sky in Vegas.”]

He talked more about working on the show, and how “the actors [on CSI] are a joy to work with.” When David first appeared on the second episode of the series, he was pretty nervous, despite only having to deliver two lines of dialogue. “More nervous than I am now,” he said, of his speaking duties. However, William Petersen came over, introduced himself and took him to a scene that was being filmed, talked with him and asked some questions, and after David did his scene, William said “Great work.” David pointed out that Petersen went out of his way to make him feel welcome on the show, and that the rest of the cast is just as cordial.

He also mentioned that in virtually all instances, the corpses the viewers see are real live actors (except of course, when you have dismembered pieces and such). There was a time when they were filming a scene in which a character (played by an extra) was the victim of a dog attack. The actor's job was to just lie there as the camera filmed, and filmed, and filmed. (Anybody who has seen a show filmed realizes that it takes an incredible amount of time to set up lighting and cameras, etc.). Anyway, it was raining, and cold, about 55 degrees. This drew some chortles of mock derision from the audience, as outside the building, it was about 10 degrees and the Northeast had been in a deep chill for a month! ;) The director would tell people “move the corpse here, move the corpse there.” Which David said “was kinda humiliating” for the actor playing the corpse. William Petersen stepped up to the director and told him to stop referring to the actor as 'the corpse' as “the corpse has a name.”

David then showed the Holy Grail of Fan Desires – the Blooper Reel. It was a short reel, probably edited for a general audience viewing, but was delightful nonetheless. [Pardon me if I can't quite recall which episode the bloopers are from and I'm reading short-hand notes written while I was laughing myself silly!]

• One scene had Greg, a white rubber glove stretched over his head, a grinning surgical mask on his face, dancing about his lab like a madman to some racuous rock music. Catherine and Grissom entered, both studying Greg as if he were some new form of life. Once Greg noticed that they were in the room, he removed the mask, and popped off the glove, which I believe went across the room. He said a line of dialogue, and then William Petersen lost it, laughing, and walked out of frame.
• Another scene had Catherine and Nick checking out a shower. They drew back the shower curtains, to which one remarked “Soap scum”. They shut the curtain and then you heard Marg go “Did they use Tylonex?”
• Next, a head and shoulders of a murder victim fall out of a car when someone opens the door. Regrettably someone they shut the door and you heard the 'corpse' emit a noise of pain. I believe that was from “Cross-Jurisdictions.”
• Next, Nick and Greg were in the lab, drawing equations on a glass wall to determine the ingredients of a bomb. Technical equations abound. Nick starts drawing, and the next thing you know, there are happy faces on the glass. This is done several times (and several takes) as they crack up. Then after George Eads does one last happy face, he turns to Eric Szmanda and says seriously, “This is happy dynamite. We're not looking for happy dynamite.”
• From “Cats in the Cradle,” Nick and Sara question a guy at a factory, asking him he has ever worked with explosives. The sounds of explosions, and hideously fake screams, are overlaid over the dialogue.
• My favorite! Nick walks into a house and suddenly an odd voice cries out “Hey George!” He turns around and there is a white bird in a cage. The bird continues “Are you a real CSI, or do you just play one on TV?” George, snaps on a pair of white latex gloves and approaches the cage. The bird screams something like “Hey, what are you doing!?” and suddenly the screen goes to black and the words “Scene Deleted” appears as you hear the bird squawk “OH,” and then “hey, that's not so bad.” You can use your imagination as to precisely what occurred ;)

The live auction followed, with items such as 18 holes of golf for four at a country club in Connecticut; a guided canoe trip, a summer weekend and Vermont, as well incredible CSI item:

#6 – A walk-on part on CSI, lunch on the set with a producer and a rare behind-the-scenes look at the workings of America's #1 TV series through April 2004. The winner also got a CSI fleece jacket (for crew only) and season four crew baseball cap autographed by Robert David Hall. The winner would take advantage of this package sometime between July and the end of April 2005. David Berman did a great job of auctioning this item, which started out at $1,800, and concluded at $3,500, and then someone in the audience had a question, which turned into a discussion, and the bid ended at $3,500 for a walk-on part and an additional $3,500 for another visitor (I believe a couple won the bid) for a tour. However, the winners had to split ownership of the cap and fleece jacket.

David was a great auctioneer, explaining all the great little things you'd enjoy if you won the bid. “And the food is great on the show… Jerry Bruckheimer's personal caterer. Oh, and gourmet chips!” [there was a running spiel throughout the auction on items about chips] “You'll sit in Grissom's chair ... probably.” “You can hang out with me in my cubicle with me if I'm shooting that day. I have a cubicle of my own. I have my name on it and everything. In pencil. That's a bad sign…” he joked.

Afterwards, the winners of the silent auction were read off, and these were the CSI items:

• #18 – CSI Collectibles – 2nd season DVD set, 5 CSI comic books, 3 packs of CSI autographed trading cards, and a cast autographed photo.
• #19 – CSI Grab Bag – CSI fleece jacket (size M), crew baseball cap, and two CSI novelizations
• #20 – CSI Memorabilia – 2nd season CSI DVD set; CSI stainless steel coffee mug and CSI crew baseball cap.
• #21 – CSI “Crash and Burn” script – autographed by Marg Helgenberger, includes autographed photos from Marg Helgenberger, Jorja Fox and David Berman
• #22 – CSI “Fight Night” script – autographed by cast as well as full cast photograph
• #23 – CSI “Revenge is Best Served Cold” script – autographed by writer Carol Mendelsohn, along with CSI crew baseball cap

The evening wrapped up on a happy note, with many generous contributions to the Retreat, and, for the fans who came exclusively to see David Berman talk about CSI, many happy memories.

As a final note: Should you ever get the chance to hear David Berman speak, whether at a CSI-related function such as this, or a forensics conference, as has spoken at them, do not pass up the opportunity. He's an articulate, entertaining, and very intelligent speaker. Darn nice guy, too. ;)

Special thanks to Adam Berman and David Berman for making this report possible.

Have any comments about this article? Visit the Message Board and discuss it.