The House of Gum's AWARD WINNERS
(and other Gum Links)
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The House of Gum's AWARD WINNERS (and other Gum Links) |
Dear friends,
There
is an old curse that goes "may you live
in interesting times". I need not remind
any of you that these are very "interesting" times for gum and
gum-related activity. The House of Gum realizes that we alone cannot defend
gum and the rights of those who chew it. Indeed, we are joined by countless
gum-chewers worldwide who work together to secure
the blessings of liberty and gum. The House
of Gum, therefore, would like to take this opportunity to recognize, honor,
and award those who bravely struggle alongside us in these difficult gum-chewing
times.
Warmest regards,
-Nathan
The HOUSE of GUM's Medal of Valor
The
House of Gum Medal of Valor is awarded to those groups or individuals who
"best exemplify the ideals of the House of Gum, and who defend those
ideals in the face of overwhelming adversity". Previous recipients
have included the William Wrigley Jr. Company for their stunning
defeat of fascism, and actress Fran Drescher for valiantly
chewing gum despite network objections.
This year's recipient is John Andres of Correlieu Secondary School for his strong moral leadership in the area of gum-centered debate. In his blunt and powerful essay, entitled simply "GUM", he correctly points out that "people who chew gum are actually being nice to the people around them". So true, John. So true.
John is the youngest HOGMOV recipient to date, and with future leaders like John, we know America can chew in peace and security. Congratulations, John!
The HOUSE of GUM's Distinguished Service Bubble |
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The House of Gum Distinguished Service Bubble is awarded to those groups or individuals who "selflessly and tirelessly dedicate themselves to providing gum-related awareness to their fellow gum-chewers above and beyond the call of duty and despite considerable risk to themselves". Distinguished Service Bubbles are awarded in the fields of Historical Gum Research and Collection, Chewing and Bubble-Blowing Instruction, Gum-Related Community Outreach and Education, Political Gum Activism, Innovation in the Gum Sciences, and Outstanding Achievement in Gum Arts and Entertainment. This year's recipients are: |
Ms. Demeanor's Bubble Gum Page: Ms. Demeanor realizes that there are two things in this world that are important: The Beatles and Bubble Gum. To our knowledge, she has the only copy of the coveted and unreleased "Pink Album", which contains such rarities as "I Don't Wanna Spoil the Party So I'll Blow" and "You've Got to Hide Your Gum Away". The House of Gum salutes her position as one of today's premiere gum historians and collectors.
Brian's Giant Gum Bubble Site: For those considering joining the lucrative, exciting, and fast-paced professional bubble-blowing circuit, Brian offers a collection of tips from the old-timers. Unlike those back-stabbing beauty pageant contestants, the bubble-blowing pros not only welcome all competition, but are happy to pass along their hard-earned knowledge to newcomers. Of course, like with any spiritual journey, the more you learn about blowing bubbles, the more you realize there is still much to learn. The House of Gum salutes Brian's commitment to bubble-blowing instruction and enlightenment.
Joy Collier (DSB awarded posthumously): To paraphrase Spock, "the beauty of bubble gum lies in its infinite diversity, and the way those differences come together to create meaning". During her brief stay on this planet, Joy collected bubble gum, celebrated its infinite diversity in infinite combinations, and made her collection available to the public online. Though no longer with us, Joy continues to remind us of the old truth "she who dies with the most gum wins".
Tim Brown's Stupid Gum Tricks At first I wondered how this fellow could possibly call gum "stupid". But, much to my relief, I realized that it's the tricks that are stupid, not the gum itself. Though Tim is the first to admit that there is a humorous side to gum, he includes cautionary tales about what can happen if people don't take the proper precautions when chewing gum. The House of Gum salutes his dedication to gum and gum-chewing safety.
Sherbadojay: Maybe if Leonard daVinci had used gum rather than trying to fresco dry plaster, The Last Supper wouldn't be in the sorry shape it's in today. Our friend Sherbadojay here realizes this, and creates beautiful and timeless works of art that future generations won't need to waste a lot of time and effort restoring (unless of course some museum guard gets really hungry). The House of Gum salutes Sherbadojay and his breakthrough artistic achievements using everyone's favorite medium: bubble gum.
RAREWEAR: How much time do you waste deciding whether the diamond bracelet or the saphire necklace is a better match for your evening gown? If you're like me, it's way too much time! Throw your precious and semi-precious stones away because RAREWEAR jewelry, which is made only from the finest gum wrappers, is here! Casual or formal, pajamas or scuba gear, RAREWEAR is the perfect fashion accessory for any attire. The House of Gum salutes brothers Zane, Spencer and Chayse for their contributions to gum and gum-related high fashion and craftsmanship. While Hanson wastes time making music, these three young gum men are busy making the world a more beautiful place, one link at a time. Pricing and availability inquiries can be sent to RAREWEAR.
By the way, after rereading that last paragraph, I'd like to make it clear that I don't wear evening gowns. That was just supposed to be an example. Honest.
Rick's Chewing Gum Wrapper site: Too many of us don't give chewing gum wrappers a second thought, let alone document their importance. Once a wrapper has done its job (preserving yummilicious and long-lasting freshness during the long trip from the manufacturer to your mouth), we casually toss it into a clearly labeled trash receptacle. The more talented among us may even make jewelery out of them (see above). But Rick here reminds us that there is much to learn about ourselves and the times we live in from gum wrappers. The House of Gum salutes Rick's dedication to gum wrappers, and his recognition that wrappers are an important part of our proud gum-chewing heritage worthy of loving preservation.
Robby's Extreme Bubble Gum Blowing Site: My astronomy professor back in college told me to imagine that the universe was like the surface of a growing bubble. But unlike a three-dimensional bubble, the universe was expanding into four and possible many many more dimensions. I had a little trouble getting my mind around that concept. It wasn't that I had a problem with imagining multiple dimensions, but I just found it hard to visualize a bubble that big. Once I saw Robby's page, it all kind of fell into place.
More Gum-Related Links
Bubble Fetish Sites:
I suppose that when you consider the numerous forms human desire can take, the fact that there are guys who get turned on by women who blow bubbles isn't that surprising. The real trick of course is finding bubble-blowing women who actually get turned on by guys with a gum fetish. I could say a few words here about Freud's theory of oral stage fixation. But the way we figure, as long as bubble-blowing beauties and the men who love them continue to buy our products, then we'll just file this under "Whatever Makes Your Boat Float":
Hate Group Sites:
People often ask me why I even mention, let alone list links to, anti-gum hate groups. They tell me that doing so only adds to these groups' legitimacy, and that I am doing nothing to counter the image of the internet as a hotbed of destructive anti-gum hate speech.
It is a valid criticism, but I feel that part of my duty as a member of a society that favors free speech is to drag these groups to the harsh gum-chewing light of day. I feel that their vile anti-gum rhetoric should be exposed for all to see and not be left to fester unchecked in the darkened back rooms of intolerance where such ideas flourish. If we seek to censor their hateful ideas, they become martyrs, and we only become that which we hate.
Whether you chew or not, anti-gum hatred is everybody's concern. There is a plaque on my desk that sums it up very well:
When they came for the artists and authors, I didn't say anything.
When they came for the intellectuals and idealists, I didn't say anything.
When they came for the gum-chewers, there wasn't anyone left to say anything.
Submit to the House of Gum!!
If you know of any committed and staunch gum-related sites and would like to see a link to them on this page, please let us know. All submissions undergo a strict review process with our committee that can take several weeks to complete. This review process may involve, but is not limited to, background checks, a loyalty oath, a polygraph test, a Non-Disclosure Agreement, a treadmill test, a swimsuit competition, a bake-off, a three-legged race, fingerprinting, that test they did on the Mercury Astronauts where they gotta "hold it", a retina scan, and an invasive but relatively painless blood test. We thank you in advance.
