NEW PRODUCTS

 People often ask me, "Nathan, why do you continue to push the gum envelope with your constant innovations? What's with the admirable commitment to expanding the gum universe with new and creative gum and gum-based products? Surely, if anyone has a right to rest on his laurels, it's you."

I'm paraphrasing of course, but it's a good question. Truth be told, I don't really have an answer. But why does a butterfly flap its wings? Why does a bird sing? Why does a dog lick himself? Creating exciting new gum products is an unthinking instinct for us. No, we don't know why we do what we do. But as long as our gum-chewing family continues to grow, we will go on proudly not thinking about it!

Regards,

-Nathan

 Click on items below for full product descriptions:

Dogummit! Sugarless Gum for Dogs

  

   

  

"New Car Smell" Gum

   

Gumbot X-9000 

  

 

Beautiful Gum Sculpture

  

 

Deep Cover Camo Gum

   

  Veggie-Stripe Varsity Shirt

  

 Dogummit!

Sugarless Gum for Dogs

It takes a big man to admit he was mistaken. I know I've gone on record as stating that gum is what separates us from the beasts. But observant gum-chewer John Ikenaga proved me wrong when he discovered that his dog Freezer just loves the great taste of Nathan's Seafood Platter Gum! But like any good dog owner, John worries about Freezer's sugar intake.

So Nathan's proudly introduces Dogummit!, the sugarless gum for dogs. Dogummit! is packed with the flavors dogs naturally crave: beef, turkey, cat, liver, and lamb! Down boy!

Since you're in the forgiving mood, I'm going to admit another mistake I made. See, I originally wanted to call the gum Poochew, you know, kind of a play on words (pooch + chew, get it?). Yeah, I thought it was pretty clever too. But the name didn't fly too well with our focus group (say it slow and you'll see why). Oh well, no big loss. But once again it proves that we really do listen to you, our growing gum-chewing family.

 "Gum Imitates Art"

Beautiful Gum Sculpture

 

I can't really tell you what art is, but I know it when I chew it.

Nathan's is pleased to announce our line of gum statuary, for those whose tastes are as refined as our sugar.These impressive gum sculptures (up to 7 feet tall!) are a pleasing addition to any home or garden. Our team of skilled gum artisans worked tirelessly crafting these sculptures (or, more precisely, the sculptures used to make the final gum molds). You may be hesitant to bite into such lovely objects of art, and who could blame you? But chew in peace, knowing these fine works take on a whole new "modern-art" look as you take bites out of them!

Spearmint Hotei the laughing Buddha , Cinnamon Artemis, Original Bubble Gum Michelangelo's David, Grape Venus de Milo,and Licorice Rodin's Gates of Hell (not pictured) sold separately.

  Gumbot X-9000

The Robotic Gumball Machine

Like you, I'd walk barefoot in a blizzard to get my gum (and I have), but wouldn't it be better if my gum could come to me? Well now it can, with the Gumbot X-9000! Once again, Nathan's leads the industry in cutting-edge robotic gum-delivery technology with our newest advance in cybernetic gumball machines.

"But Nathan," you ask, "why do you need a robot to bring you your gum? Isn't that what friends and family are for?" Well not anymore! We've made the Gumbot X-9000 many times faster and stronger than any human! This means the Gumbot can bring you gum in an instant!

The Gumbot not only responds to voice commands but it can anticipate your every gum-chewing move with its ability to track infrared heat signatures! The Gumbot can also be helpful around the house vacuuming your carpet, ironing your clothes, and apprehending and incapacitating intruders. Plus, the Gumbot is able to stay in constant radio contact with any other Gumbots in your home (within an 800 mile radius), to better coordinate satisfying your every gum-chewing need! And Gumbot's power cells only need recharging once every twenty years!

Thousands of Gumbot X-9000's are currently in production, and we hope to have the Gumbot Emotion Chip ready by the time we start shipping.

Our long-term goal is to have Gumbots in every home and office on the planet. Soon every human can marvel before the might and efficiency of these benevolent robots who offer us a better world and a brighter, well-ordered future!

Gumbot X9000, Gumballs, and Gumbot Restraining Bolt each sold separately.

Ask your sales representative about our special discounts for power stations, military bases, and highly sensitive government security installations.

 Veggie-Stripe Varsity Shirt

Free Advertisement for the H.O.G.

During my many speaking engagements at the colleges, universities and military academies of this nation, where I stress to today's young people the importance of gum, I'm struck by how many college students approach me and say, "Nathan, we would sure love being able to buy high quality garments that advertise your products, and wear them around campus so that other people in our highly sought after gum-buying demographic can see them thus creating a desire to purchase any of your fine line of gum and gum-related products." I'm paraphrasing of course.

Well, you don't have to be an economics major to know that someone paying me to advertise my products is a good deal any day. So in the near future you will be able to show your school colors with our Vegetative State T-Shirts. These well-made, 100% cotton T-Shirts feature our beloved Veggie-Stripe spokeslogo Veggie Boy! So wear it around campus with pride, and make sure many of your fellow 16-25 year olds with disposable gum-purchasing income get to see it too!

If this works out, I may get to eliminate our entire ad budget, and put all that money into T-shirt development!

A man can dream can't he?

"New Car Smell" Gum

Packed with "Fresh off the Lot" Flavor!

All things eventually fade away: friendship, memory, even life itself. We can't do anything about that stuff, but Nathan's is proud to rage, rage against the dying of that fabulous smell your car had when you first bought it, with Nathan's "New Car Smell" Gum!

With the help of our dedicated team of scientists, we have finally been able to put that distinctive aromatic blend of leather, vinyl, plasticizer and upholstery in a gum! So now all of that factory-fresh flavor can be yours, for just a fraction of what a new car would cost! Why, it's like having a whole showroom in your mouth, but without the pushy dealers and high-pressure sales pitches!

So chew in luxury, comfort and style with Nathan's "New Car Smell" Gum!

Deep Cover Camo Gum

For Blowing Bubbles That Really Blend In

You're behind enemy lines. Your mission is to get in and get out without being detected. You're chewing gum, of course. You blow a bubble. Your enemy sees that big pink bubble and takes aim. Bang! You're dead.

How many times has this happened to you? Well now it doesn't have to anymore with Nathan's Deep Cover Camouflage Gum! Inferior competing products quickly lose their camouflage pattern and mix into one drab color after the first few chomps, making you an easy target. But this won't happen with Nathan's brand! Chew after chew, bubble after bubble, this gum keeps its camo pattern completely intact! Don't ask how we do it, it's a secret!

Four out of five Admirals surveyed recommend Camouflage Gum for their S.E.A.L.s that chew gum!

Nathan's Deep Cover Camouflage Gum also makes the perfect gift for the hunter, paintballer, or right-wing militia type in your life!

-More Exciting New Products to Come!-

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