The Nintendo REVOLUTION is HERE!

 

Nintendo promises to make good on its claim and will once again revolutionize the gaming world with its next console: The Nintendo REVOLUTION!

 

Four words:  Recycled!  Retro!  Reality!  REVOLUTION!!!

 

Nintendo’s REVOLUTION will revolutionize the world forever by introducing the gaming world to the gaming UNIVERSE of a true-reality persistent world!  That’s right, Nintendo’s patented new technology will make every aspect of life a game!

 

For example, driving to work is no longer a monotonous daily grind because Nintendo’s REVOLUTION will instantly turn the experience into a white-knuckle drag race to the office!  School got you down?  Well, Nintendo’s REVOLUTION will instantly transform your classroom into Planet Zebes and your grumpy old hag of a teacher into a ferocious fire-breathing Ridley!  But what about the bored homemaker?  Imagine the boring task of baking a cake instantly transformed into a Hollywood experience where you’re diffusing a dirty nuclear bomb with seconds on the clock.  A delicious dirty bomb!

 

Gaze over the new console as modeled by Nintendo’s own Emperor Yamauchi!

 

 

 

 

  1. Virtual Boy Headset:  Your new view to the world in true 3D and in fantastic Black and Red!  Also provides instant 8-bit sound!

 

  1. Super Scope 6:  Being chased down the beach by a Nazi Helicopter?  Giant Mechanized Robot attacking your city?  Or maybe you want to spread your neighbor's dog across the span of a couple blocks?  Super Scope 6 has the POWER!

 

 

  1. ROB:  Everyone loved ROB and now he’s back and better than ever!  Linked to your Virtual Boy headset, he is your eyes to the world, and ROB sees all! Also, ROB will play your Gameboy SP and Nintendo DS for you, for HANDS-FREE GAMING!

 

  1. Gameboy SP (Nintendo DS not pictured):  In addition to hands-free gaming from ROB, Gameboy SP can link up to the Nintendo REVOLUTION to display maps and other stuff!

 

  1. NES Copter Buddy:  Nostalgia meets cutting edge technology as Nintendo has created the ultimate sidekick:  The NES Copter Buddy!  Built with a special DSP chip, the NES Copter Buddy will say things like “Don’t go there,”  “Does this plastic and silicon shell make my ass look fat?” and “My energy is low, please recharge battery for optimum performance.”  He will also be able to retrieve objects from hard to reach places, and will always be at your side.  Man’s new, bestest friend!

 

  1. Gameboy with Gameboy Camera and Gameboy Color:  How many times have you wondered what it’d be like if Nintendo harnessed the power of two Gameboys of two different generations?  Well wonder no more, the REVOLUTION combines Gameboy and Gameboy Color with the Gameboy Camera to show the outside world the action that’s going on inside your head in their glorious artistic colors!  And the Gameboy Camera can be used as a separate optical device in conjunction with ROB for an even greater field of view, or to map stored images onto figures.  Imagine your favorite supermodel’s face and body transplanted onto your lackadaisical lover!  Luscious Lips, Raceway Hips!

 

  1.  Dual Nintendo Power Gloves:  Since man evolved with opposable thumbs his dream had always been to control reality with Gloves, and now it’s here!  The REVOLUTION’S Dual Power Gloves provide tactile feedback and command that create the ultimate hands-free experience.  Is that a fork you’re holding or the Legendary Sword?  Are you typing on a computer or strangling a man with your bare hands?  REVOLUTIONARY!

 

  1. Nintendo Gamecube:  Use the Nintendo Gamecube’s high capacity memory cards to save your gameplay data!

 

  1. Gameboy Advance:  Mounted as a belt buckle, it displays a clear view to the outside world of the sheer awesomeness of the Nintendo REVOLUTION’S reality.  Now you don’t have to worry about getting reactions like, “Hey Jordie, can you pull my finger?” or “Keep your Power Glove off her, buddy,” or “Get that thing away from my baby!” because everyone will be in awe of the Nintendo REVOLUTION.  Pictured:  Emperor Yamauchi battling an evil doppelganger… of himself!

 

  1. NES Zapper:  For when light-to-medium arms are needed in your favorite FPS, hunting Ducks, or guiding flying detectives.  The NES Zapper not only looks cool, but also makes you feel like a big, big man!  Walk with confidence!

 

  1.  Nintendo REVOLUTION Suit:  The last piece of clothing you’ll ever wear, combines your body and Nintendo REVOLUTION into one complete gaming experience!  As time passes, Nintendo plans to release new colors such as, cranberry, mushroom mush, velvet spike, game-delayed periwinkle, ghetto gold and Mortal Kombat “Sweat.”

 

  1. Super Nintendo Kneepads:  The world’s first 16-bit kneepads.  Also host to some of history’s finest RPG’s!  REVOLUTIONARY!

 

  1. There is no 13, because 13 unlucky number!

 

  1. Nintendo 64 shoes:  The world’s first 64-bit shoes!  Step in style and confidence!  REVOLUTIONARY!

 

  1. Nintendo REVOLUTION Cartridges:  Another REVOLUTION!  Using Nanotechnology and the latest in anti-pirating software, the Nintendo REVOLUTION software is COOKIE-BASED!  That’s right, you will digest your games in order to play them!  This will open up a new venue for Nintendo to sell games in vending machines as well!   Now imagine, you just crapped out your last Yoshi cookie, and you’re stuck at the office or gym class, forced to face reality.  But wait!  The vending machine down the hallway has that brand new Metroid game everyone’s been choking down!  30-seconds later, all is right with the world.  WARNING:  Extended gameplay may cause constipation or diarrhea.  Do not feed Nintendo REVOLUTION Cartridges to animals; doing so may result in Apocalypse or more Disney talking dog movies.

 

In addition, The Nintendo Revolution utilizes the following that are not pictured:

·        Gameboy Pocket – fits in your pocket!

·        Link Cable – for linking stuff!

·        Nintendo e-Reader – now accepting Credit Cards!

·        Gameboy Camera Printer – prints receipts and stuff!

·        64DD – Japan only!

·        Super Famicom Satellite Link – Japan only!

·        Rumble Pack - Your imagination is the only limit!

·        For multiplayer games, buy Nintendo REVOLUTION CAKES (Coming soon!) for true party gaming!

 

Please note:  The Nintendo REVOLUTION is not backwards compatible with any prior Nintendo software or hardware.

 

Please note:  Japanese version will support original Japanese-style versions consoles.

 

Please note:  The Nintendo REVOLUTION will not support the internet because Nintendo believes the internet is useless.

 

MSRP: TBA

 

The Nintendo REVOLUTION is HERE!  Get ready for the greatest experience ever!  Just don’t count on being able to play any traditional fighting games on it.

 

The Nintendo REVOLUTION:  BECOME THE REVOLUTION!!!