When Sue asks for John's number, Roy can
Only wonder 'bout John's latest fan
He feels pretty grim
No girl ever asked him
For his number, not even Joanne
Roy and Johnny fall for it bad
When some rivals take out a false ad
Kerner calls, they're not nice
They won't fall for it twice
And they blow the best offer they've had
Though Roy claims that he just doesn't care
John prefers they compete fair and square
So they each make a run
But when voting is done
It's a smashing defeat for the pair
Johnny's thoughfulness gives Roy a lift
'Til he sees it's a recycled gift
A cake meant for Chet
How cheap can he get?!
Any wonder Roy feels a bit miffed?
When Cap hears the big chief's on his way
It's all work for the guys - no more play
Making every correction
Before the inspection
But he'd been and gone early that day
When the girl issue must be addressed
Station atmosphere gets pretty stressed
Will the trainee work out?
Even she has doubt
But with Karen, they end up impressed
Rut escaping the true Johnny way
Turns him into a sloppy gourmet
His dish ends up green
But it tastes pretty keen
Or, at least, so the other guys say
The charge against Roy just might stick
And it makes both the partners feel sick
A clear hit and run
'Til police work is done
Seems the "victim" was pulling a trick
Broken laces provide the first clue
To the shift Roy and John muddle through
Largely spinning their wheels
Sent out after heels
One of those days - what else can they do?
It gives Roy a bit of a fright
When an idea of Johnny's seems bright
But his plan to track calls
Hits serious stalls
And before long, the world's again right
When the station TV set is broken
John's repairs set it flamin' and smokin'
But he'll make a great buy
See, he knows of this guy...
It's so dinky, they think he's just jokin'
Macho notions fill a newswoman's head
Roy's attempt to correct them brings dread
When they show her their pride
In their artistic side
Her game tickets turn to opera instead
Chester B. laid out serious cash
Down the slopes he would go in a flash
But he got quite excited
When the darned skis ignited
And his purchase ended up in the trash
Roy thinks owning a home might be nice
And he finds one that'll more than suffice
But Johnny, that louse
Bids in first on the house
Though he might let it go - for a price
Though they try to take most calls in stride
It's a chore when two students collide
'Cause the women are vain
And their teachers such pains
That the rudeness wounds Roy and John's pride
Johnny Gage was a great rescue guy
Who hated to watch victims die
Paramedical talk
At first made him balk
'Til DeSoto convinced him to try
Gage is sure Brackett's wrong and he's right
Which leads them to more than one fight
So he doubts his own eyes
When the paper he spies
Reveals that the doc's seen the light
The DeSotos take in a small boy
Their home life he does nearly destroy
When Dix says he'd be fun
Take that offer and run
Is John Gage at his sagest, thinks Roy
Roy treads down the riskier route
When he sees a Gage/Morton dispute
His humorous crack
Leads to an attack
Of cheek pinching and getting called cute
John believes Roy's a fortunate man
Cash can't bring all the joy family can
But when Roy, on a whim
In return questions him
Thanks, he'll stick with his financial plan
When a woman collapsed feeling crummy
She awoke feeling like such a dummy
'Cause her method (quite shoddy)
Of slimming her body
Left her plastic-wrapped up like a mummy
John and Roy are the pride of the station
When they're up for a commendation
But they just can't recall
That rescue at all
Which puts them in an odd situation
Feeling grateful towards Johnny and "Ray"
Those darned Mirkles soon get in the way
Though they truly mean well
They make station life hell
'Til at last 116 saves the day
The guys aren't sure which they hate most
Chet himself or his figs and dried toast
His big health food kick
Is making them sick
Man, oh man, would they kill for a roast!
Strange, but true, all of 51 found
A Gage venture that seemed to be sound
They'd each lend a hand
At their new hot dog stand
But, of course, the place burned to the ground
First John's hurt, could things get any worse?
Then his fill-in makes Roy want to curse
After working with Brice
Rampart almost sounds nice
'Til he meets his drill sergeant turned nurse
On to Season Six
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