For those of you that know my Story?

I Broke My Leg and Hip on July 5th 1999

Because of my past injury I have to let it heal

Normaly. Which means I have to stay in bed for 90 days.

After 6 days in bed I wrote this:

As I lay here in my bed.

Many thoughts go thru my head.

I think of days that were fun.

When I could walk and run.

I think of times when I tried something new.

Like surfing in Hawaii or riding a unicycle.

I wish I could do some of these thing I used to do.

I wish I could pick up my son.

Play ball with him and give him more than I do.

I look at my life, and wonder why?

Where did I go wrong?

What did I do?

To deserve the limitations that I go thro..

Some say that god has this plan for me?

Or maybe a reason?

But to me there's only let downs.

And its no mystery to me that I am UN lucky.

As unlucky as can be.

What more could I stand?

What more can I take?

My mind feels as if its going to break.

Some say it's living in a pity pool?

Some say to move on.

But if you don't live this kind of life?

You would not know?

Some say they understand.

But know not what to say.

But the one's with no legs do walk my way.

Why did I write this?

I don't really know?

I want my life back, and know I cant have it.

I try to think that just around the next corner it will all come together.

Then I get hurt again and it makes it no better?

I Wish I had the answers, But I don't.

I know my friends don't have it either.

They say I am lucky?

Lucky to be alive?

But the life I loved is gone!

And gone forever, so what is life?

What is it for?

Why the suffering?

I am told there is a god, that he looks out for me?

Is it a sin? That I question he ?

Does that make me a bad person?

Or someone who just doesn't care?

Yes, I am depressed !

And full of despare!

Is that UN normal? or make me sick?

When I am the one who has to live this life I call mine?

Or is it that I have really found the truth?

That you are born like any other animal.

You live you die and that's is it?

I don't have the answers and don't expect anyone else to. But why why why?

It just makes no sense that there is a god.

With all this suffering going on.. Gary.

: )

Feeling a lot better these days!

I wrote that at a time when i was really down.

I have left it up, to remind myself

how far I have come, in the last year.

Back To Home Page!