EVIL MUTANT ALIENS CONTROL CLINTON
WASHINGTON ~ Last night, as the sun set on the nation's capitol, hundreds of federal agents sealed off all streets leading to the White House in an attempt to conceal a secret alien visit. Residents were evacuated from the area and roadblocks were set up at intersections within a two mile radius of the White House. Many people reported noxious vapors and a putrid stench which seemed to originate from the White House.
Authorities led local residents to believe there was a danger of flammable sewer gases exploding. Most people left the area immediately to escape the nauseating odor and the inexplicably high temperature and humidity levels. A strange glow was seen lingering over the White House by thousands of fleeing Washingtonians who were told that the phenomenon was merely a pocket of hot gas unable to ascend due to the high pressure system.
A wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ operative in Washington contacted our offices four minutes after the evacuation started with a double secret Code Black alert. His alien detector was indicating a level 13 alien presence in the area. A quick thinking mailroom clerk immediately scanned the area using the wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ TellStarr Satellite Web Cam and discovered an alien space craft hovering over the White House.
Tabloid journalists immediately booted up the intragalactic interdimensional helical converter which locked onto a telepathic macrowave beam linking the alien space ship to the Imperial President's brain. For a period of 27.4 minutes, the converter was able to intercept shocking communications between the aliens and the mind of the President. Experts arrived early this morning with secret decoders to decipher the intercepted messages and were able to provide reporters with a transcription almost immediately. The experts indicated that the communications were encrypted with a code commonly used by evil mutant aliens from the Arien Planet.
The disturbing messages revealed the hideous truth regarding covert Republicrat terrorism and the aliens' plans to impose martial law in the year 2001. Apparently, the Ariens are unhappy with Clinton's inability to achieve their targeted level of mind control over the masses. Despite extraordinary efforts by the Republicrats and allied corporations, not all citizens have been fully transformed into mindless automaton zombies.
The telepathic macrowaves revealed that the Republicrats have been involved in domestic terrorism and a propaganda campaign to convince Americans that they are in immediate danger of attack by terrorists and drug addicts. Secret agents have been engaging in covert acts of terrorism, such as the Oklahoma City Operation and the TWA Flight 800 Operation, in order to convince citizens that martial law is necessary to insure public safety.
The propaganda campaign, designed to increase the public's fear of terrorists and drug addicts, includes fabricated reports of Russian Mafia hit men in the US with nuclear "suitcase bombs" and a nationwide drug epidemic. Political scientists note that Republicrats have recently stepped up the Drug War as well as covert domestic acts of terrorism and rumors of terrorism.
The New Millennium Martial Law Plan is expected to meet little, if any, resistance from citizens as a result of the Republicrat media fear campaign. The decoded transcript clearly shows that the evil mutant aliens seek to enslave the entire human race and devour our souls. Early estimates indicate that 85% of the population displays symptoms of alien mind control.
