BED WETTERS OR SICKOS?
Old hooker reveals
the secret desires
of top Republicrats
WASHINGTON ~ wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ reporters recently interviewed an aging prostitute during an investigation of swinger Marv Albert and found out more about the personal asexual lives of the Washington elite than they cared to know. Trixie, a prostitute who has worked the corner of 14th and M Streets in Washington for 41 years, had much to say about her famous clients and their peculiar interests.
According to Trixie, a man she knows as Little Dickie Morris would come to her corner every Tuesday night during the early nineties and take her to the Jefferson Hotel, just blocks away from the White House, to "play nursery school". She told reporters that on some nights there would be 6 or 8 well known politicians there. Among the regulars were men known to her as Baby Dodd, Baby Bubba, and Big Boy Trent.
Big Boy Trent
"I'd go up in there and all these men would be there dressed in diapers, sitting in play pens, and sucking on pacifiers. Old Big Boy would always want to pee in his diapers and then get me to change him. Then he wanted me to spank him for being a bad boy. He couldn't get it going on, so he never wanted sex," Trixie told reporters.
"And that Baby Bubba, he would just cry and cry. Little Dickie would get in the playpen with him and feed him a bottle. Mr. Dickie would want me to do Baby Bubba, but he had diaper rash so bad, I wouldn't do him. A working girl got to be careful about them rashes. I'd spank him on that big bottom and tell him that he won't no good. That always made him happy," Trixie recalled chuckling.
Baby Dodd
"But that Baby Dodd weren't right. He was messed up. He wanted me to pee on him, but I would trick him. I'd say,' Close your little eyes now, Baby Dodd, Mammy's got a surprize for you' and then I'd wring out Big Boy's diapers on his head. He seemed to enjoy that."
"Hell, those fools would give me a government check for 2 or 3 grand every Tuesday night and I didn't even have to take off my clothes. Little Dickie would get me to put this little kerchief on my head before we would go in the hotel, that's all I had to do."
"They was the weirdest bunch I ever messed with. That old drag queen Marv that you asked about was just a hassle. He could never get it going on either. But then he'd get mad at me about it and want to start fighting. I gave up on him after 2 or 3 times and wouldn't get in his car when he came around."
"It ain't like it was in the old days. Used to be when them politicians got up here, they would come down on 14th Street looking for a date, you know. They just wanted to go up to my room and have a little fun, you know. But nowadays they're all into this weird stuff. Seems like the higher up they get, the freakier they get. But I made up my mind, I'm retiring next year. I miss that old Tuesday night nursery school though. I could make more in one night than I'm making working out here all month long," the aging prostitute told our reporters.
"You mean you gave me this twenty and all you boys wanted to do was talk about my tricks?" she asked as the reporters let her out of their car.
Other prostitutes in the area told reporters of many other famous politicains who often pay them for non-sexual services. Humiliation is popular with many Senators and various role playing games are also a money maker for the working girls on 14th Street.
One hooker that was interviewed claimed that she specializes in worshipping her clients. She described how she would get down on her knees and kiss the tassled loafers of her clients. She tells her clients how much she loves them and even tells them that she would die for them.
"Shoot, I can make 50 bucks for ten minutes work and there ain't no mess to clean up," the hooker told reporters, " but is it really fair for you newspaper men to always be telling everyone about these men's private business."
EDITOR'S NOTE: After numerous board meetings and consultations with legal experts, we decided to go with the story above because we had spent nearly $75 on prostitutes. The prostitutes are right, though. Just because a man wears diapers or likes to be pissed on doesn't mean that he can't do a good job as a public official. Just because a man likes to be spanked by a 60 year old prostitute who weighs 240 pounds and dresses like Aunt Jemima doesn't mean he's not fit to be a Republicrat office holder. Whether it is self mutilation or fecal games, we all have our little non-sexual quirks. What we do in our secret lives shouldn't reflect on our characters.
