Welcome to:

The Guide to Wacky Court Cases

. . . featuring the complete text of United States v. Satan

TYLER v. CARTER, 151 F.R.D. 537 (S.D.N.Y. 1993).
(Persecuted cyborg-woman sues Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Ross Perot, IBM, BCCI, NASA and the Rockefellers for conspiring to re-institute slavery through the "Iron Mountain" plan, and for perpetrating "the American Holocaust" against black women in concentration camps. She also seeks justice for conspiratorially-inflicted whispering campaigns, loud rock music and having her dorm room strafed by planes and helicopters. Perhaps 5.6 billion is too little. Remarkable.--click HERE for full text.)

SEARIGHT v. NEW JERSEY, 412 F.Supp. 413, (D. N.J. 1976).
(Prisoner, who hears voices in his head after being unlawfully injected in the left eye with a radium electric beam by a prison physician, gets some technical advice from the judge--full text HERE)

FISHER v. LOWE, 333 N.W.2d 67 (Mich. Ct. App. 1983).
(Distraught man brings suit against careless driver on behalf of his "beautiful oak tree." The Michigan bench is harboring poets.--see full text below)

MILES v CITY COUNCIL OF AUGUSTA, GEORGIA,
551 F.Supp. 349 (S.D. Ga. 1982); 710 F.2d 1542 (11th Cir. 1983).
(Can the City of Augusta require the keepers of a talking cat named Blackie to pay the city's occupation tax? What about Blackie's Freedom of Speech? --This case is the cat's meow! We have the full texts. Both of them: U.S. District Court, and U.S. Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit.)

LODI v. LODI, 219 Cal. Rptr. 116 (Cal. App. 3 Dist 1985).
(Man sues himself for trying to raid his own trust fund--click HERE to see full text.)

STAMBOVSKY v. ACKLEY, 572 N.Y.Supp. 672 (N.Y. App. Div. 1991).
(New York appellate court declares that a house is haunted by poltergeists and its seller must take it back because she failed to disclose the house she was selling was inhabited by ghosts--click HERE for full text)

CORDAS v. PEERLESS TRANSP. CO., 27 N.Y.S. 2d 198 (N.Y. City Ct. 1941).
(A tale of a rolling robbery and of a slow-thinking cabby, who leaves his vehicle to fend for itself. Our judge missed his calling as a writer. Classic. We have the full text HERE.)

SANDERS v. ROSEN, 605 N.Y.Supp. 2d 805 (N.Y. Sup. Ct. 1993).
(Jilted client brings a RICO suit and 12 other causes of action--including fraud, malpractice, battery and rape, unjust enrichment, constructive trust and infliction of emotional distress--against her ex-lawyer for using his superior legal knowledge to exploit her emotional vulnerability and lure her into a relationship--click HERE for full text)

MILLER v. SILVERSTEIN, 122 F.3d 1056 (table), 1997 WL 557620 (2d Cir. Sept. 9, 1997.)
(The Second Circuit turns a deaf ear to a Vietnam veteran's prayer for $49 million from President Clinton, Richard Nixon, Ross Perot, Colin Powell, New York City, and WNBC-TV Channel 4 for conspiring together in dozens of assassinations, for buying off the NYPD to allow distribution of Laotian heroin and then laundering the proceeds through "Goldfingers International." We've got the text HERE.)

McCONAHY v. CITY OF LONDON, 381 F.Supp. 728, (D. N.J. 1974).
(Man tries to sue London in federal court--full text HERE)

IN RE LOVE, 61 B.R. 558 (Bankr. S.D. Fla. 1986) (A bankruptcy judge anguishes over the denial of his sua sponte motion to dismiss--click HERE for full text)

PEEK v. CICCONE, 288 F.Supp. 329 (W.D. Mo. 1968).
(Prisoner's right to communicate to the Pope that he is "Christos," the spirit of the reincarnated Christ--and to become Jewish--are vindicated.)

GORDON v. SECRETARY OF STATE OF NEW JERSEY, 460 F.Supp. 1026 (D. N.J. 1978).
(Man sues New Jersey's Secretary of State for the right to be President of the United States instead of Jimmy Carter--TEXT)

RUTH v. CONGRESS OF THE UNITED STATES, WASHINGTON D.C., 71 F.R.D. 676 (D. N.J. 1976).
(In an extrordinary act of self-denial, a federal judge deflects the plaintiff's claim that the under-paying of over-worked federal judges and other officials is unconstitutional. Full text HERE.)

UNITED STATES v. THOMAS, 31 C.M.A. 278; 32 C.M.R. 278 (1962).
(A soldier was dancing with a girl when she collapsed in his arms, after which he took her to his car and was intimate with her. He thought that she was drunk, but she was actually dead--convicted: attempted rape.)

COLLINS v. HENMAN, 676 F.Supp. 175 (S.D.Ill. 1987).
(Prisoner is not Raymond Collins, but the Prophet Muhammad who was convicted under the wrong name by Christians and was mistakenly sent to jail for 175 years by the "Masonic Regime" that now holds him hostage)

HORSEY v. ASHER, 593 F.Supp. 441 (W.D. Mo., 1983)
(Prisoner sues three judges, a prosecuting attorney and a clerk for allegedly conspiring against him)

SIERRA CLUB v. MORTON, 405 U.S. 727 (1972) [ Douglas, J., dissenting, at 741.]
(United States Supreme Court Justice argues that valleys, alpine meadows, rivers, lakes, estuaries, beaches, ridges, groves of trees, swampland, and air, should be legal persons so they can sue in federal court to protect themselves)

Wacky Case Names:

EASTER SEALS SOCIETY FOR CRIPPLED CHILDREN v. PLAYBOY, 815 F.2d 323, (5th Cir. 1987)

UNITED STATES v. 11 1/4 DOZEN PACKAGES OF ARTICLE LABELED IN PART MRS. MOFFET'S SHOO FLY POWDERS FOR DRUNKENNESS, 40 F.Supp. 208 (W.D.N.Y. 1941)

BIVENS v. SIX UNKNOWN NAMED AGENTS OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF NARCOTICS, 403 U.S. 388 (1971)

JULIUS GOLDMAN'S EGG CITY v. UNITED STATES, 464 U.S. 814 (1984)

I AM THE BEAST SIX SIX SIX OF THE LORD OF HOSTS IN EDMOND FRANK MACGILLIVRAY JR NOW. I AM THE BEAST SIX SIX SIX OF THE LORD OF HOSTS IEFMJN. I AM THE BEAST SIX SIX SIX OF THE LORD OF HOSTS. I AM THE BEAST SIX SIX SIX OTLOHIEFMJN. I AM THE BEAST SSSOTLOHIEFMJN. I AM THE BEAST SIX SIX SIX. BEAST SIX SIX SIX LORD v. MICHIGAN STATE POLICE; CITY POLICE OF LANSING; STATE OF MICHIGAN; INGHAM COUNTY 54A DISTRICT COURT; and INGHAM COUNTY JAIL, [Unreported.] File No. 5:89:92, (U.S. Dist. Ct. W. Dist. Mich.), 1990 U.S. Dist. LEXIS 8792 (July 12, 1990).-- Yes! We have the FULL TEXT.

SILVER v. GOLD, 211 Cal.App.3d 17, 259 Cal.Rptr. 185 (1989)

PLOUGH v. FIELDS, 422 F.2d 824 (9th Cir. 1970) [Thanks, Matt Y.]

KLUMP v. DUFFUS, 71 F.3d 1368 (7th Cir. 1995) [Thanks, J.P.H.]

UNITED STATES v. ESTATE OF GRACE, 395 U.S. 316 (1969).

UNITED STATES v. CAESAR, 368 F.Supp. 328 (1973).

STATE OF INDIANA v. VIRTUE, 658 N.E.2d 605 (1995).

Reporter Key:

C.M.R.--Court-Martial Reports C.M.A.--Court of Military Appeals Reports F.Supp.--Federal Supplement F.R.D.--Federal Rules Decisions F.2d.--Federal Reporter Second Series U.S.--United States Reports N.Y.Supp.2d--New York Supplement Second Series N.W.2d--North Western Reporter Second Series B.R.--Bankruptcy Reporter

54 F.R.D. 282

------

**UNITED STATES ex rel. Gerald MAYO**

SATAN AND HIS STAFF

------

Misc. No. 5357

United States District Court

Western District of Pennsylvania

Dec. 3, 1971

Gerald Mayo, pro se.

MEMORANDUM ORDER

Weber, District Judge.

Plaintiff, alleging jurisdiction under 18 U.S.C. § 241, 28 U.S.C. § 1343, and 42 U.S.C. § 1983 prays for leave to proceed in forma pauperis. He alleges that Satan has on numerous occasions caused plaintiff misery and unwarranted threats, against the will of the plaintiff, that Satan has placed deliberate obstacles in plaintiff's path and has caused plaintiff's downfall.

Plaintiff alleges that by reason of these acts Satan has deprived him of his constitutional rights.

We feel that the application to file and proceed in forma pauperis must be denied. Even if plaintiff's complaint reveals a prima facie recital of the infringement of the civil rights of a citizen of the United States, the Court has serious doubts that the complaint reveals a cause of action upon which relief can be granted by the court. We question whether plaintiff may obtain personal jurisdiction over the defendant in this judicial district. The complaint contains no allegation of residence in this district. While the official records disclose no case where this defendant has appeared as defendant there is an unofficial account of a trial in New Hampshire where this defendant filed an action of mortgage foreclosure as plaintiff. The defendant in that action was represented by the preeminent advocate of that day, and raised the defense that the plaintiff was a foreign prince with no standing to sue in an American Court. This defense was overcome by overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Whether this would raise an estoppel in the present case we are unable to determine at this time.

If such action were to be allowed we would also face the question of whether it may be maintained as a class action. It appears to meet the requirements of Fed.R. of Civ.P. 23 that the class is so numerous that joinder of all members is impracticable, there are questions of law and fact common to the class, and the claims of the representative party is typical of the claims of the class. We cannot now determine if the representative party will fairly protect the interests of the class.

We note that the plaintiff has failed to include with his complaint the required form of instructions for the United States Marshal for directions as to service of process.

For the foregoing reasons we must exercise our discretion to refuse the prayer of plaintiff to proceed in forma pauperis.

It is ordered that the complaint be given a miscellaneous docket number and leave to proceed in forma pauperis be denied.

122 Mich. App. 418

33 N.W.2d 67

William L. FISHER

Karen LOWE, Larry Moffet and State Farm Insurance

Docket No. 60732

Court of Appeals of Michigan.

Decided Jan. 10, 1983.

Syllabus

A wayward Chevy struck a tree
Whose owner sued defendants three.
He sued car's owner, driver two,
And insurer for what was due
For his oak tree that now may bear
A lasting need for tender care.

The Oakland County Circuit Court,
John N. O'Brien, J., set forth
The judgment that defendants sought
And quickly an appeal was brought.

Court of Appeals, J.H. Gillis, J.,
Gave thought and then had this to say:
1) There is no liability
Since No-Fault grants immunity;
2) No jurisdiction can be found
Where process service is unsound;
And thus the judgment, as it's termed,
Is due to be, and is, Affirmed.

-------------

Opinion

Before BRONSON, P.J., and V.J. BRENNAN and J.H. GILLIS, JJ.

J.H. GILLIS, Judge.
We thought that we would never see
A suit to compensate a tree.

A suit whose claim in tort is prest
Upon a mangled tree's behest;

A tree whose battered trunk was prest
Against a Chevy's crumpled crest;

A tree that faces each new day
With bark and limb in disarray;

A tree that may forever bear
A lasting need for tender care.

Flora lovers though we three,
We must uphold the court's decree.

Affirmed.

95 F.R.D. 476

Kent © NORMAN, Plaintiff,

Ronald REAGAN, et al., Defendants.

Civil No. 81-1054

United States District Court,

District of Oregon.

June 9, 1982.

------

Kent © Norman, pro se. ORDER

James A. REDDEN, District Judge.

In this action, Kent © Norman¹ seeks redress of grievances. I previously dismissed the action as frivolous, see Bell v. Hood, 327 U.S. 678, 682-3, 66 S. Ct. 773, 776, 90 L. Ed. 939 (1946). A panel of the Ninth Circuit disagreed and reversed. A brief summary of the contents of this file may be helpful in understanding my present decision to dismiss this case for lack of prosecution.

There are numerous defendants and claims. The first defendant appears to be Ronald Reagan, who, in terms of the plaintiff's "amendment complaint," has caused the plaintiff great vexation:

Plaintiff alleges that defendant Reagan has acted with deliberate, reckless, and nefarious disregard of his constitutional rights, in this, to wit:

1) Defendant caused "civil death" without legislation.

2) Defendant allowed plaintiff to suffer irrepairable [sic] harm and neglect.

3) Defendant has acted with redundance and malicious conduct in neglecting plaintiff.

4) Defendant allowed numerous abuses of plaintiff's person, property, and liberty while governor of California and president.

5) Defendant Reagan has deprived plaintiff of his right to vote and caused, either directly or indirectly, arrests upon false, incorrect, or misleading information.

6) Plaintiff has no adequate remedy at law to redress these wrongs without due course of process.

There are also a number of parking tickets in the file. The plaintiff apparently demands a jury trial in federal court for the parking fines assessed by Multnomah County. The plaintiff also seeks an order requiring the Interstate Commerce Commission to investigate White Line Fevers From Mars, which is succinctly referred to elsewhere in the file as " W.L.F.F.M." This defendant is not, despite the name, of genuine extraterrestrial origin, but is apparently a fruit company which shipped marijuana and cocaine in "fruit boxes" for Mother's Day. The plaintiff's trucking license was suspended by the Interstate Commerce Commission as a result of some incident involving the plaintiff's transportation of White Line Fevers' fruit boxes. Plaintiff also seeks Supplemental Security Income (SSI) payments, apparently as a result of this incident, and punitive damages against Reagan and the Secretary of the Treasury for withholding of the SSI payments.

There are also certain other claims which the court is at a loss to characterize, and can only describe. There is included in the file a process receipt which bears the "Received" stamp of the Supreme Court of the United States. On this form are the notations, apparently written by the plaintiff, "Taxes due" and "D.C. Circuit was green" as well as "Rule 8 . . . .. Why did you return my appeal form? Why isn't the '1840' W. 7th mailbox still next to the 1830 one?" and "Something suspicious about that mailbox." There are also other notations on the form.

There is also the following "claim":

The birds today
Are singing loudly,
The day is fresh
With the sounds
Upon the wind
The crickets.
The blackbirds
The woodpeckers
Beauty in every
Spark of life
Just So their sounds
Are appreciated
Their sounds are beauty
The ants are silent
But always searching
The birds noise a song
and the fade of the automobile tires
Chirp. A shadow from
a passing monarch butterfly
Breathless in Colorado.

It is possible, of course, that this is not intended as a claim at all, but as a literary artifact. However it may be that, liberally construed, the references to the birds, crickets, ants, and butterfly could constitute a Bivens claim. See Bivens v. Six Unknown-Named Agents, 403 U.S. 388, 91 S. Ct. 1999, 29 L. Ed. 2d 619 (1971); U.S. ex rel. Mayo v. Satan and His Staff, 54 F.R.D. 282 (W.D. Penn. 1971).

At any rate, following the Ninth Circuit's remand the marshals attempted to serve the President and the other defendants. The plaintiff, however, seems to have lost touch with the court, or lost interest, or both. Since the receipt of the remand in the district court on March 1, 1982, he has taken no action on the case. Mail addressed to him is returned. The discovery deadline and Pre-trial Order deadline have passed, without any response to the court's notifications to the plaintiff. Perhaps the plaintiff has elected to pursue his remedies in some more convenient forum. I therefore DISMISS this action for want of prosecution.

Dated this 9th day of June, 1982.

Footnote #1 The plaintiff's name apparently includes the copyright sign. [BACK]

Other Cases Available At This Site:

Searight v. New Jersey

Lodi v. Lodi

Tyler v. Carter

Miles v. City Council of Augusta, Georgia: U.S. District Court, and U.S. Court of Appeals

Stambovsky v. Ackley

Cordas v. Peerless Transp. Co.

In re Love

Sanders v. Rosen

McConahy v. City of London