Welcome to Scribes Press #4 or the Last issue before the next Millennium! Its mandatory to plug that once in every publication in December. It maybe the next millennium and all that hype but this is our year-ender so all articles look at last year and the next year. Some comics have past across my desk for review from a small publisher South Jersey Rebellion Productions. One is a comedy book entitled the Travelers and the other is a dramedy called the Jersey Devil, see what I think about them in CriticScope. Bugle Express after a brief break is back with a look at comic stuff to watch out for in the coming year. On the creative side we've got a cool one shot Hulk story and an original fiction piece. This original fiction story is based on a SIM Club called Neopolis, and hey the story features mature themes and its a good read. In Judgement Call, opinion columns, Feminine Wiles takes a glimpse at the next year of female characters. Gute Says also looks ahead at comics in the year 2000. ComiConcerns tackles Pikachu with an article on the PokeMon craze. Especially if you are sick of the year 2000 garbage as I am, then check out Laugh Riot, our funny pages, each column will make you chuckle. As we take you into the next millennium with a chuckle. So until next time...IT'S PRESS TIME!!!

INSIDE...

MEDIA BLITZ~ Comic News, Reviews, and More

a-BUGLE EXPRESS...comic headlines

b-CRITICSCOPE...reviews
    Jersey Devil #9-10
    Travelers #3
    Impulse #56

c-COMIC BOOK CINEMA...comics in entertainment


CREATIVE OUTLET~ Your Creative Outlet

a-FAN-FEATURES...fan fiction
  A Hulk Story by Mikel John

b-ORIGINALITY...original fiction
  Neopolis: the Deli (Part 1) by Gath Malok


JUDGEMENT CALL~ Views and Commentaries

a-FANBOYS ANONYMOUS by Brian E. Bengtson
  10 Worst Comic Moments of 1999

b-FEMININE WILES by Tori Pagac
  Females in 2000

c-COMICONCERNS by Kerry Brodsky
  Pokemon!

d-GUTE SAYS by Richard Gutierrez
  Ahead in 2000


LAUGH RIOT~ Laugh It Up

a-TABLOIDS...fictional comic headlines

b-FOOL & A ...fake interview

c-OWEN'S HUMOROUS RAMBLINGS...by Owen Wolfe


THE END~ Closing Remarks and Next Issue

ed.[Media Blitz]    [BACK TO TOP]

MEDIA BLITZ~ Comic News, Reviews, and More

a-BUGLE EXPRESS...comic headlines

b-CRITICSCOPE...reviews
    Jersey Devil #9-10
    Travelers #3
    Impulse #56

c-COMIC BOOK CINEMA...comics in entertainment

[Bugle Express]    [BACK TO TOP]

* Editor's Note: The first 4 headlines are not fact headlines. The Director predicted those to happen. So in that case you heard here first.

ELLIS TAKES OVER  Warren Ellis, who was named plot master of the second string of X-titles late last year has taken over the X-offices. Erik Larsen heads up the Marvel Heroes division, and Quesada and Palmiotti keep up the Marvel Knights. Look for a new twist to all the Marvel books, and many, many characters deaths....

ABC BECOMES #1  In a move more shocking then DC purchasing Wildstorm, Americas Best Comics splits away from Wildstorm/DC, and fends for itself. Within months, Alan Moore's comics make ABC the #1 company in the industry. An Executive at ABC states,"The industry had stagnated, and Alan's comics have injected a new twist on the comics of old, and fans have jumped in head first...."

X-MEN REVAMP  John Byrne revamps the X-men, taking them back to the team in Giant-Sized #1 and reverting them all back. Restarts Uncanny X-men at #1.

MONOPOLY  Black Bull Comics takes off, and starts Wizard Press towards a comic monopoly.

BOOK OF THE YEAR  The hot Marvel book to watch this year is Wolverine. New writer Steve Skroce has big plans for the feral mutant, that will see a new side of him, and get away from him searching for his past and dealing with himself. Watch closely as this becomes THE book of 2000.

    Well, It's been an interesting year in comics. Some of the big news at Marvel this year were all the revamps and retellings of history. Rob Liefeld was hired back by Marvel for Cable, and let go after penciling one issue. Marvel Knights kept going strong, while fans got tired of the X-men. Hopefully there will be fewer revamps in the new year, Marvel Knights will keep going strong, and the new creative teams on the X-books will rejuvenate the books. DC went with a major change in the Batbooks with No Mans Land, while JLA lost some of it's hot status. The Superman books got a whole new creative team, with Jeph Loeb and Joe Kelly among the new writers. Expect more great Superman stories from the new teams, and some great new Bat stories from the new teams post-No Man's Land. I expect more mini series and less monthlies from Wildstorm, and the other companies to follow suit. We had mini's and maxi's abounding last year, but they went to the shelves right along with the monthly titles of the same characters. Expect Image to shrink some more in the coming year, unless it gets some more new blood. I have a feeling the separate branches will soon break off on their own. Well, hope you all had very happy holidays, and have a great new year!!!

BOOKS TO WATCH IN 2000

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[CriticScope]    [BACK TO TOP]

Jersey Devil #9 &10 (SJR Productions) by Digerolamo, Friam, Friam
Black & White, 32 page Mini-comic. Prices vary, Bimonthly
    Jersey Devil is series about the myth of the so-called "Jersey Devil." In issue 9, we are treated to the Jersey Devil of the future. This one issue really threw me off; I'm still trying to catch up. I really got a kick out of the talking gun that would get mad and threaten to explode itself, but too many concepts cluttered the issues simple story. However, Issue 10 kept my interest. Number 10 tells the tale of the first documented evidence of the Jersey Devil. It told the myth of the original Jersey Devil and used actual headlines from 1909 and actual people. Apparently there was a freak-show promotion that used the Jersey Devil and here we heard it from the perspective of the promoter. The art was impressive in #10 though #9 wasn't so much because with black and white art you can't clutter things up too much. That issue did that, so I had a hard time focusing on my attention and I got lost. 10 was crisp and was very eye-pleasing and lifelike. It had a nice animated feel all while keeping the effect of realism.

Story: 3 of 5. Nice mixture of comedy and drama. Confusing at parts make for the lower rating.
Pictures: 3 of 5. #10 was awesome.
Overall: 6 of 10. Enjoyable. Try this out once see if you like it. --Tom Martin

The Travelers #3 (SJR Productions) by Digeralamo, Dawson, Daily
Black & White, full size. $2.25, Bimonthly
    Let me take you back to a time when medieval was merriment. Welcome the Travelers, a group composed of an emotional female barbarian, a fighting mad monk, a bumbling wizard, a barkeep con artist, a sniveling elf and, of course, a knight. Those are some of the traits of this richly humorous funnybook. If you like humor books pick this sucker up. The dialogue stole the show: from an Italian accent announcer, and the leaders Sir Dan, you can actually read his conning ways. Also, like when Sham the Monk shouts out religious terms while fighting evil, and his call to justice "Taste My Holiness!" Comic humor like the cheesy group names, which is changed in mid-issue and the group revolts. The pictures are very Groo-like. The characters are all drawn so well and the backgrounds don't overtake the panels. This art adds to depth of the humor of the book.

Story: 4.5 of 5. Great concepts the story flows well. How could you go wrong a drunk woman barbarian.
Pictures: 4 of 5. Very impressive cartoonish art style. Compliments the book well.
Overall: 8 of 10. Pick up this book!!! --Tom Martin

Jersey Devil and the Travelers are brought to you by South Jersey Rebellion Productions. If you want to give these books a try (and I recommend you do), ask about at either of these sources.
South Jersey Rebellion Productions
PO Box 439
Stratford, NJ 08084
http://www.netcom.com/~thefix/sjrp.html
thefix@ix.netcom.com

Impulse #56 (DC Comics) by Dezago, Van Sciver, Rollins
    I didn't know this issue would come so soon, but it was definitely one of my favorites. I think this must have been an issue both Dezago and Van Sciver were looking forward to doing. The art in this issue was fantastic. If Nauck ever leaves Young Justice, I would definitely love to see Van Sciver's pencils on it. While Todd and Ethan were preparing to do this book, one of the most interesting ideas I actually heard Van Sciver come up with was an idea regarding the Composite-YJ. Ethan has a definite fascination with the Pre-Crisis villain "The Composite-Superman." Here it is, 8 months later, and it seems like Ethan's idea was a huge success. I can't wait to see if anyone would ever pick up on him as a villain that could oppose the entire Young Justice team again some time. Congrats Ethan.
    I also think this may have been one of Todd's favorite issues so far. It almost seemed like a homecoming to me reading this issue. Todd's writing was a big influence on me starting my Young Justice: The Hangout(http://yjfan.tripod.com). I've read his JLA: World Without Grown Ups and Young Justice: The Secret almost 20 times. Todd has such a natural touch for writing these characters that it was a shame to not be able to see him behind the writing of the actual Young Justice book. Todd and Ethan are definitely a good team. Whether it is on Impulse, Superboy, Young Justice or any comic series, there combined skills are a total thrill to see and read. Fantastic Issue.

Story: 4.5 of 5.
Art: 5 of 5.
Overall:10 of 10 --Craig Young

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[Comic Book Cinema]    [BACK TO TOP]

    Welcome to the end of the world. Welcome to the beginning of the end. Welcome to the fourth installment of CBC. I'm going to try to make this nice and easy to look at and read because there is so much I want to talk about, even some X-Men stuff which I vowed not to report about but stuff happens. So, let's party like it's 1999...

X-men Comics Continuum reports that Mystique, played by Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, will appear blue-skinned in the film and will shape-shift to impersonate at least one of the key characters in the story, and a male character to boot. Filming of the feature is scheduled to continue into February.--cinemascape
    Reknowned film composer Danny Elfman (Sleepy Hollow, Batman, and just about every other Tim Burton movie), is "tentatively set" to write the soundtrack for the upcoming X-Men film, according to the Daily Radar. --Daily Radar

Iron Man Word has it that scribes Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott (Mask of Zorro, the unused Sandman script) are going to take screenwriting duties for the big screen version of the golden Avenger, Iron Man. While talking to Eon Magazine, Elliott talked about how the pair got involved in the project and what they intend to do with it.
    While talking to the site, Ted Elliott revealed, "We heard New Line was looking for writers for Iron Man, we went in and pitched our approach, pitched it a second time to the Marvel folk, and got the job. Obviously, everyone is interested in seeing what happens with X-Men, but the only real similarity between the two projects is they are based on Marvel Comics properties. I think New Line feels pretty confident, based on their success with Blade, that they're capable of doing a good movie based on a superhero character -- even if other studios can't.
    "As for how they intend to handle Iron Man and his alter-ego, gazillionaire industrialist, genius inventor Tony Stark, Elliott says, "It's funny, in many ways Tony Stark is one of the most generic alter-egos in the Marvel Comics universe. It is the ways that Tony Stark is different from that model that best define the character. Specifically he is an engineering genius. Confronted with a problem, he will work relentlessly until he solves it; which means first understanding completely the nature of the problem, and then seeking the most efficient, effective and elegant solution." Elliott adds that the plan for the script must involve giving Stark "very difficult and complex problems to solve." Taking our cue from some of the other elements intrinsic to Iron Man -- high-tech manufacturing, ties to SHIELD and the U.S. Government, international businessman -- and some of the stories from the books, we're going to throw Tony into a very gray world, one which his money and his personality have isolated him from for the most part. It will be a Gordian knot of motives, actions and events which forces Tony to solve the most fundamental question about himself: What kind of man am I?"
    More specifically, Elliott reveals the focus of the film, saying, "Right now, we're thinking of the movie as an origin story. But our goal is that, by the end of the movie, all the pieces will be in place so that someone who walks out of the theater hungry for more Iron Man can pick up the latest issue of the comic, and the character they read about is the same character they just saw."
    Since it is going to be the origin, the scribe was asked what form the armor will take. Elliott revealed, "One of the odd little discussions that has come up was whether the suit should be gray, like the original. After all, he is Iron Man, does whatever an iron can ... and iron is gray. We finally decided that the two-tone color scheme is necessary to make the technology work most efficiently. Although we will be seeing a bit of the evolution of the armor, which will reflect that evolution in the books, from gray to gold to red-and gold." --cinemascape

Harsh Realm Though it doesnít seem possible, there appears to be a new, slim hope that Harsh Realm could return anew. According to the VFXPro website, the effects for the program's run of eight episodes have been finished by the Pixel Envy f/x house. Now, plans are for the series to run in its entirety on the FX cable network starting in March. VFX reports on an unnamed source revealing even though production has ceased on the program, FX is "considering a possible continuation" of the series, should ratings warrant such.
    Having said that, one can't help but wonder, if Fox would truly consider bringing back the series with a still active lawsuit over its head by the original comic's creators, James Hudnall and Andrew Paquette. In addition, if Fox was likely to give the series a chance, wouldn't they do it on the Fox network rather than their cable outlet? Beyond that, even if Fox gave it a thumbs up again, could they get the cast to return? This one doesn't seem likely, even if Fox is trying to make nice with Carter --cinemascape

Batman 5 Is there any truth to those persistent rumors floating around that suggest Warner Bros. is considering asking Ben Affleck to be the next actor to put on the black bat-eared tights for Batman 5? Hmmm, could be. If we're to believe sources in contact with columnists Marilyn Beck and Stacy Jenel Smith. As previously reported, Warner Bros. is intent on reviving the franchise, with word from Beck and Smith that they are eyeing Affleck to rejuvenate the series. Affleck seems a bit too young for the role... unless the franchise will relaunch with Batman: Year 1, of course. --cinemascape

Tomb Raider Paramount Pictures is currently negotiating with Simon [The General's Daughter, Con Air] West to direct a feature film version of the popular Tomb Raider video game.
    The Tomb Raider film was originally slated for a Summer 2000 release. Although the studio is said to have the project on its "fast track", certain obstacles remain before the production can begin--signing a director is one of them. Another is the script, which sources say resembles that of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
    West is in the process of developing a film based on The Prisoner TV series for Universal. --Variety

The Tick SPOON!!! It's on the way they say, HOORAY!!!!

    ....and so, as the end of the year quickly approaches, I hope that everyone has a safe and happy holiday. And here is my last rant for the year.EVERYONE should go out to the comic book stores and beginning reading the following comics:

Watch the Following:

Things that Suck... People that gave away the ending to "Sixth Sense" and "Fight Club"...People that declared that video games and the media are to blame for societies ills. I blame society for not caring enough about each other...Why is Suddenly Susan and Veronica's Closet still on?...Y2K, Why do we care, let the world blow up, it's not like it could get any worse....I could go on, but I won't because it's too easy to find things that suck in life. I'll just leave you readers with this: If you happen to find a comic book with my name on it, please buy. If you see a film with my name directing it, please watch it. If you want to be in a film, please e-mail me and tell me. The future is upon us, and I want to take hold of it. SO should you. Peace and get drunk.

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[Creative Outlet]    [BACK TO TOP]

CREATIVE OUTLET~ Your Creative Outlet

a-FAN FEATURES...fan fiction
  A Hulk Story by Mikel John

b-ORIGINALITY...original fiction
  Neopolis: the Deli (Part 1)by Gath Malok

[Fan Features]    [BACK TO TOP]

If its not one Hulk, its another
by Mikel John

    My name is Bruce Banner. For years I have been plagued by a monster known as the Hulk. At first, whenever I became angry, my body would turn green and muscular, but my mind would become one of just a child. Later, when night fell, my body would become gray and muscular, and my mind would become a little bit darker. Again, the situation would change, or not, my body permanently stayed green and muscular, with the mind of a scientist. And now, the Hulk comes when he wants to, not when I want him to or need him. My today, the rules changed, as the Demon appeared before me.
        "Greetings Mr. Banner, have I got a deal for you. My name is Neron."
        "Not interested, my soul may not be the greatest, but I intend to keep it."
        "Your soul, how droll. No, no, no, besides, you have not even heard the deal. No more Hulk. It is as simple as that. You will never have to worry about changing into the Hulk ever again."
        "And what do you want from me?"
        "Absolutely nothing. I want you to do nothing. Just live your life, go do your scientist thing, and never think of the Hulk ever again."
        "And what's in it for you?"
        "Me? I get the joy of feeling of ending your sorrow. Nothing more."
        "I don't trust you, but you've got a deal."

    So here I am, no more Hulk. I haven't felt his presence in the back of my mind. It wasn't until I turned on the evening news that the consequences of my deal finally came to light.
        "The Hulk is rampaging across downtown. Nothing seems to be able to stop him. He's getting madder and madder, and destroying everything in his path. "Hulk smash!""
    And I, lowly Bruce Banner had made a deal to do nothing. I simply watch the screen in silence.

        "Hulk smash! Puny humans need to leave Hulk alone." The green-skinned Goliath walked through downtown. It was clear of civilians, but the military was there in high quantities. They tried futilely to stop this rampaging creature. Bullets simply bounced off of his skin. They tried firing heavier weaponry, but the Hulk simply shrugged it off.
        "Sir, if we don't get some heavier artillery here soon, the Hulk is going to destroy us all."
        "The heaviest artillery is on the way."
    With that said, a large figure drops down from the sky. He looks right at the Hulk and shouts, "It's clobbering time!"
    The Thing punches the Hulk, and the Hulk goes flying, out of the downtown area, out of the town, over the heads of the military, and into the country. "I'll take it from here boys." The Thing leaps after the Hulk. He finds the Hulk slowly staggering to his feet.
    "Rock man hit Hulk, but Hulk hit harder." Hulk takes a punch at the Thing. The Thing takes the punch and strikes back with one of his own. The two creatures battle back and forth. But slowly, it would appear that the Hulk is winning the battle. While the Thing's punches grow weaker, the Hulk's punches are growing stronger with each punch. Finally, another of the Hulk's punches launches the Thing to the ground.
    Suddenly, a slash catches the Hulk in the arm. "Hey bub, how about you and me go a few rounds?" Wolverine stands there glaring down at the Hulk.
        "Puny man cut Hulk. Hulk smash!"
    The Hulk takes a swing at Wolverine. Wolverine ducks underneath the punch, and stabs the Hulk again.
    The Hulk brings down both his arms to the ground, trying to crush Wolverine. Wolverine again leaps aside. He jumps forward, kicking the Hulk in the face.
    This is when the Thing punches the Hulk again. Caught off guard, the Hulk flies back, and hits the ground unconscious.
        "It's about time."
        "Hey now, I was handling him just fine."
        "Sure you were. Is that why when I got here you were flat on your back?"
    Meanwhile, the Hulk begins to stir. The Thing notes this, and punches the Hulk in the head again.

Elsewhere. "You should go help. If the deal is broken, you no longer exist."

While the Thing and Wolverine get the Hulk tied down, they fail to notice the shadow overhead. The shadow gets larger and larger as it approaches, and as the Thing did earlier, a figure hits the ground. Both the Thing and Wolverine are shocked to see the Hulk stand before them. Unlike the Hulk they have tied down, this Hulk's skin is gray in color.
        "Let him go, and we won't have to fight."
        "How are you? never mind, it's clobbering time!"
    The Thing rushes forward. The Gray Hulk feints to the side, throwing The Thing forward and to the ground. Wolverine lunges forward. The Hulk is fast, but not fast enough as Wolverine slashes the Hulk in the arm. Blood oozes from the wound, but the Hulk's healing factor kicks in, and the wound slowly heals. "That hurt." The Gray Hulk swipes at Wolverine, but Wolverine is too quick and dodges away. The Hulk takes swing after swing, but Wolverine ducks, dodges and feints, constantly slashing at the Gray Hulk. Soon many cuts are bleeding down the Hulk's body. The two men stop only when they hear a familiar sound.
    "Hulk smash!! Hulk smash!!" Both men look towards the sound of the voice. There he stands, the Hulk. This Hulk though is not the usual shade of green, nor is he the gray of this Hulk. This Hulk is all too familiar flesh color. This Hulk has the body of Bruce Banner, scientist. This weak little Hulk lunges for Wolverine. Wolverine is taken by surprise as this Hulk takes him down and begins to pummel him. The blows do no damage, but Wolverine actually seems at a loss as to how to handle this Hulk. The Gray Hulk meanwhile rushes toward the still tied Green Hulk. The Green Hulk's eyes slowly open and he sees the Gray Hulk approach quickly. He also spies the Thing behind him. The Thing clobbers the Gray Hulk, but the plan backfires as the Gray Hulk is launched into the table holding the Green Hulk. The restraints are broken, releasing the Green Goliath.
        "Hulk is strongest there is, and Hulk smash." The Green Hulk gets up, and punches the Thing, the force of the blow launches the Things into another county.
    The Banner Hulk, hearing what the Green Goliath said, stops beating on Wolverine. He gets up and runs toward the Green Hulk. "I am Hulk.." The Green Hulk looks down at the Banner Hulk. He doesn't see the Hulk, he sees the one person whom he's hated all of his life, Bruce Banner.
    "Hulk hates Banner." The Hulk raises his mighty arm as he is going to pound this Hulk into the ground.
    It's then that the repulsor ray hits the Green Goliath from behind. For those who know him, Iron Man is always prepared. He has a suit for everything. This Iron Man suit is called Hulk Buster. It was designed to defeat the Hulk.
        "This is Iron Man, cease and desist."
        "Hmmm, this doesn't look good. Well you know, if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself. I guess I'll have to enter the fray. Never send the young, when there is someone with more experience."

The Gray Hulk looks at Iron Man, and leaps at him, tackling him and bringing him to the ground. He begins pummeling on him. This Iron Man is prepared though. He punches back, and fires another repulsor ray. The Hulk is stunned, allowing Iron Man to throw the Gray Hulk off of him. The Green Hulk still stares at Banner, and finally swipes him, sending the little man to the ground.
    Wolverine meanwhile has gotten up, and is brushing off the dust. He looks to be getting ready for another battle. He sniffs the air, and turns to see a large figure standing over him. It's another Hulk, but no Hulk that Wolverine has ever seen before. This Hulk is green, stands very tall, taller than any of the other Hulks. He seems older though, especially with the gray in his beard.
        "Wolverine, you've never met me, but I remember you quite well. My name is Maestro. You were always a thorn in my side. No adamantium this time. That was always one of your best assets. And besides, I couldn't do this." Quicker than Wolverine can respond, Maestro grabs Wolverine. He holds Wolverine's body in one hand, and with the other hand, he tears off one of Wolverine's arms. Wolverine screams, and thankfully blacks out from the pain. Maestro tosses Wolverine's arm aside, as he goes looking for his next victim.
    The Thing has trekked back from his throw just in time to see Maestro tear off the arm of Wolverine. The Thing is shocked but quickly recovers as he shouts, "It's clobbering time!"
        "Ah, Thing, how I have missed our little fights. Well then, let's go."

    Iron Man and the Gray Hulk are going fist to fist. Each punch weakens the opponent, but each punch seems to be getting weaker and weaker. It's the Green Hulk which determines the final outcome. He swipes Iron Man, sending him into a tree. Iron Man tries to recover, but the Gray Hulk pounces on him and begins to pummel him.
    Maestro and the Thing are punching each other as well. Unlike the other battle, the Thing's punches are getting weaker and weaker, and seem to have no effect on Maestro. Maestro continues to hit the Thing, and slowly he falls to his knees. Maestro continues to wallop on the Thing, giving no sign of stopping until the Thing is nothing but dust.
    The Gray Hulk continues to hit Iron Man, while the Green Hulk looks down at the fallen form of Banner. If anyone was looking, they would see Wolverine twitch. The blast from the sky hitting the Gray Hulk is a shocker.
        "I suggest you get off of him. He's in enough trouble for stealing that suit. I am the real Iron Man."
    Hulk Buster takes this opportunity to fire at the Gray Hulk, throwing him off. Hulk Buster slowly rises off of the ground. Gray Hulk also does the same. Green Hulk looks at the two Iron Men and tenses for battle.
    The Thing is on the ground, knocked unconscious by the beatings of Maestro. But he continues to hit the Thing. Suddenly, a large Green hand grabs the Maestro's arm.
        "Stop."
        "Ah, I was wondering if you were going to join in the fun, Hulk."
        "I'm here to stop you, I did last time."
        "Last time you sent me to the past where I would get caught in a gamma radiation explosion. Why fight me, we are both free. You need never fear changing, because there is no one in your psyche to change back to. There is only the Hulk in your mind. Live."
        "Live under your tyranny you mean? I don't think so." The Hulk hits Maestro. These two titans have clashed before, but this time their is much more hatred involved.

    All Hell breaks loose as the two Iron Men prepare to do battle against the two Hulks. Hulk Buster punches at the Green Hulk, while Iron Man shoots repulsor ray after repulsor ray at the Gray Hulk. Suddenly, Green Hulk grabs the Hulk Buster and puts him into a bear hug. The man in the suit can be heard to scream as the Hulk Buster suit begins to overheat. A claw stabbed into the Hulk's back shocks the beast into dropping Hulk Buster. Wolverine stands their, pain on his face, as he readies his claws for another attack.
        "How?"
        "Healing factor works wonders, don't you think?"
    The two titans continue to bash at one another, neither one growing weary. Without warning a large boom is heard. In a puff of smoke, and a pillar of fire, Neron stands before everyone.
        "We had a deal, and you did not live up to it."
        "I'm trying Neron. You told me that I had to kill a million to be free. Well, I'm going to start with these."
        "I don't mean you, I mean him." Neron points his finger at Hulk Buster. He removes his helmet to reveal Bruce Banner. "You simply had to do nothing, and you didn't. So I revert you back." Neron snaps his fingers, and all of the Hulks vanish. Bruce Banner is the only still there. "The Hulk is yours now, forever."
        "Why? Why did you do any of this?"
        "I have my reasons, let's just say I got what I came for." If you looked closely as Neron vanished, then you might've seen a torn off arm dangling from his belt. Or maybe that was just the way the reflection of light.

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Copyright (c) 1999, Mikel John. Hulk and all related characters are copyright (c) & TM, Marvel Comics, 1999. All Rights Reserved.

[Originality]    [BACK TO TOP]

    A distant future where humanity has reversed the industrial revolution. Architecture, automobiles, fire arms and clothing is reminiscent of the Golden Age of America. The 1920's. Medicine and treatments are all that have advanced. Cities are sparsely populated with men and women who have been 'augmented.' Neopolis is just one of these cities and it's story is told through the eyes of the new MAFIA and the police force determined to stop them.
        To join the Neopolis Sim; contact GathMalok@aol.com

Neopolis: The Deli (Part 1)
by Gath Malok

[Warning: Mature themes in the following story, be advised. Mature audiences suggested.]

  The rain poured. It always poured in Neopolis. The damned gray skies couldn't hold the rain inside the clouds. The days never officially ended if no man or woman entered a crowded deli and was sufficiently soaked. And I swear the days begin and end in mine.
  The small brass bell above the front entrance chimed. A man in a black suit stood in the doorway; he scanned the booths then the bar. Not a single soul.
  I was behind the bar when he entered thankful the rain knew to keep its ugly face outside of my deli. I placed the coffee mug I was polishing onto the counter top. "Can I help you sir?"
  He looked at me like a stunned dog that just run into a busy intersection. Then, like he remembered where his car keys were, he snapped his fingers, "Yeah, you can. Cup of Irish coffee'll do just fine." The accent must be Italian, it's the lazy way the words roll of the guy's lips. One picks up these things when one lives in Neopolis long enough.
  He slid out of his wet trench coat with the ease and calm of a snake shedding dead skin. The hard plastic seat squeaks when he sits down. I take the coffee mug, that has "World's #1 Papa" scribed onto it, and fill it with coffee. "You said Irish coffee, right, mac?" One also picks up the general hatred Italians have for everything from the British Isles. It's the law.
  The man drips greasy raindrops onto to the counter; he seems to realize this and slicks his hair back. He looks up, "That's what I said. And don't skimp on the Guinness." Well, maybe not a hatred for everything from the British Isles-but it is a tradition.
  I nod and smile, adding just the right amount of Guinness Extra Stout lager into the cup already filled with coffee. These actions are also law in Neopolis, know your place. You work behind the counter there are certain rules you must abide by. It's how the world keeps on spinning.
  The Irish coffee slides across the counter top into his waiting hands. He nods and smiles, which is also customary. One thing I never did get about Italians, it's rude to slurp the pasta, but they'll be damned if they're not going to slurp coffee.
  Minutes pass. It's amazing the slowness of a minute when you're polishing coffee mugs and the only customer dutiful enough to recognize city ordinances is also the perpetually quiet while drinking coffee from one of the aforesaid polished cups. Took me a whole five minutes to get that thought sorted out. I try to whistle but he stares me into submission. I try to hum a song, an old song not sung by its' creator in over one hundred years, once again our eyes connect and I feel compelled to stop or risk my life. I try one more approach to cease the peaceful chaos: "So, what's a guy dressed like you doin' in a dump like mine at Three in the AM on a Sunday morn?"
  And I swear, I know what people say, 'the Devil died years ago, along with God and evil and goodness.' But the look in this rain soaked, greasy haired, well-dressed man's eyes convinced me that the Devil was reincarnated. The truly odd thing about it though, he gives me an answer, albeit his voice now almost forces me to piss my gabardine pants. "I'm waitin' for someone."
  The deli falls silent once more, prey to the monotonous hum the rain outside emits. When I'm done polishing all the coffee mugs in the entire city the man turns to me, "What's your name?"
  The overall simplicity of the question causes me to pause and think. The simplicity and the fear, of course. I finally stumble, "Gerhard Munchner, sir."
  He nods and rests his empty cup on the counter. "Time for a refill, Gerhard." Nod, pour the coffee then the lager and set it back on the table dutifully. "Say, Gerhard, how long have you lived in this city?"
  Once again the exactitude of it causes my train of thought to derail and kill millions of innocent brain cells. That and fear, of course. "All my life. Don't think I ever met anyone who wasn't born and raised in Neopolis." He nods solemnly and sips the coffee, to which I find it's my chance to go on with all my keen observations: "Don't think I ever heard of anybody ever leaving Neopolis, not properly anyway. If they do it's from a bullet."
  Silence is his only response.
  By now my back is turned and I'm fishing through dusty old cabinets to find, for the love of God, to find just one dirty coffee mug to clean. My big mouth seems to find no ending point in which to shut up, either. "I once knew this young fella," I begin nervously. "Went by the name of Smart, Joe Smart. Rookie cop, said he was gonna put an end to crime in this fair city. Don't know quite what he meant by 'fair.' Myself, I always just thought it was balanced. Anyhow, he goes on to tell me of his first week on the force. Wild story, but too big to go into here. Your friend," I rethink this, "or whoever it is your waitin' on might come through that door right in the middle and that'd be a damn shame. As I was saying," still no luck in the great coffee mug search, "Young Joe comes in one day, late at night, must've been working on a case. His hands're covered in blood and what looks like oil. He tells me, orders me actually; to call his captain... even gave me the man's private number. Poor kid had a bullet in his gut. Yeah, he was still alive when the ambulance came. Never saw him again though, and seein' as how he was sort of a regular, I assume he died that night." Success! A coffee mug I haven't seen in at least five years comes to me in the darkness.
  I stand and turn back to the counter to get my cleaning rag. And damn, I had taken all that silence thinking the man was truly interested, but the look on his face is grave, threatening. "How long ago was this?"
  "Couldn't have been more than twenty years ago, sir," I add the 'sir' at the end for my life's sake.
  "Did he say who shot him?"
  "Err... no sir. But I suspect the only type of person to shoot a police officer, rookie or not, and get away'd have to be 'made man.' If you catch my... drift, sir?"
  He nods, "More than you would hope."
  The bell above the door chimes again.
  The man who enters is younger than my new acquaintance. His arms are covered in tattoos, dragons and snakes and such; he's dressed only sub par.
  "What the f---'re you lookin' at?"
  Yeah, he definitely looks a lot angrier than the man at the bar does, but something behind his eyes says he's not on the same level. There's no intelligence in those eyes, just rage and probably drugs. This knowledge seems to full my bravery, "You want somethin' or not?"
  The man at the bar laughs quietly, his hair still dripping. The other looks at him, seeming pissed, "What's so f-----' humorous, Vinny?"
  Vinny, the man at the bar, stands and walks over to the new arrival. He takes a damp pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket, removing two cigarettes in one fluid motion. He hands one over to the other man and leads him to a booth, "Here, take a seat and just relax, Louie."
  Louie, the tattooed one, nods and takes a seat at the booth nearest the door. He gives me a glare, I take it as a warning, "Gimme a Jack Daniel's."
  "Err... sorry, can't serve straight alcohol here."
  Vinny lights both the cigarettes, and hands one to Louie, "Give him what I ordered, and bring me a new one, Gerhard."

To Be Continued...

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Copyright (c) 1999, Gath Malok. This story may not be reproduced without creator consent. All Rights Reserved.

[Judgement Call]
Opinions expressed in Judgement Call do not necessarily reflect that of Scribes Press.
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JUDGEMENT CALL~ Views and Commentaries

a-FANBOYS ANONYMOUS by Brian E. Bengtson
  10 Worst Comic Moments of 1999

b-FEMININE WILES by Tori Pagac
  Females in 2000

c-COMICONCERNS by Kerry Brodsky
  Pokemon!

d-GUTE SAYS by Richard Gutierrez
  Ahead in 2000

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  (I think I must explain before I begin. This column is being written under the influence of a missed deadline so things may not flow at a regular level. Any hidden psychological scars that I may reveal is purely coincidental.)
  The year is ending. The century is ending. The millennium is ending, so now we are forced to review list after list of the best, worst, and whatever, moments, people, grooming products and the like until our eyes bleed and our brains turn to Malt-o-Meal. So what am I going to do now? Expose you to another list? You betcha! Bwaaaaa-haaa-haaa!

Ten Stupidest Comic Book Moments of 1999
(in no particular order, please)

  1. Rob Liefield is back on CABLE. (Haven't we learned our lesson?)
  2. Hal Jordan becomes the Spectre. (I want whatever drugs the folks at DC were experimenting with when they came up with this one!)
  3. Aunt May is still alive! (Please let her be a Skrull or something!)
  4. Plastic Man joins the JLA. (I personally really like that one, but I promised a friend I would mention it.)
  5. Cannonball leaves the X-Men for X-Force. (Boo-bad word-hiss! He deserves so much better! Are you listening Mr. Ennis?)
  6. Marrow turns pretty! (Huh? Where is the character development in that? I loved the idea of an X-Man with personal hygiene issues!)
  7. My dog chewed my last issue of WIZARD. (And I didn't get a chance to read it!)
  8. DC decides to release JLA: EARTH 2 as a hardcover! (Do you know how many tables I have to dance on to get that?)
  9. I lost a pair of socks at Wizard World '99! (But I did get Alex Ross and his father to sign my hardbound copy of Kingdom Come! Worship me, groveling fanlings!)
  10. Rob Liefield is back on CABLE! (God, just the thought of it makes me want to go blind!)

  Well, that is it, true believers. I won't expose you to any more of my ranting. Be here next month, when I babble on about the comic book scene and actually make some sense. And if the world does end, then I will be joining the hordes of looters as we descend on the halls of Wal-Mart, and I'll finally get my Furby!

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  1999 brought us many new female books and characters like Spider-Girl, Fathom, Batgirl, among many others. The Batman No Man's Land books were a grand stand-out especially with the new Batgirl. You see Huntress pulled a fast one on poor old Batman, so posed as Batgirl and it fooled the World's Greatest Detective. this year I mostly enjoyed reading all my comics this year, loads of solid books about female characters. So what about the Feminine Wiles in the next year, lets look shall we?

In Comics Shi returns to the comic racks. There's one series which looks back at the last 5 years of Shi, including comics, toys, art, etc. Expect a regular comic series, about Shi, to follow sometime after that. 2000 will also bring us more Lady Death in Armageddon: Aftermath mini-series. Kabuki is dead, but not the series, as the title will focus on other agents starting with the Snap Dragon. Over at DC...Wonder Woman is still going to be an emotional wreck, at least as long as Eric Lukes is writing. Birds of Prey will gain more operatives, Powergirl recently became one, but the series will still concentrate on the original two. With the completion of No Man's Land, Batgirl, Oracle, and Huntress will have more primary roles in the Gotham City. With Jim Balent's departure, Catwoman is off to prison and many of the next year's stories will feature Selina in the slammer. Supergirl appears to be headed for a devil of a year, with a fight with him. OUCH! Mighty Marvel...Since Kurt Busiek left Iron Man, we can only assume Carol Danvers could join the Avenger lineup. He spent two years on her, and I don't see any change here. Fantastic Four may have Marvel Girl joining their ranks. Spider-Woman should continue, and Spider-Girl should be the only M2 story in the line. Unless Marvel is crazy to follow it up again. Finally, X-Men, with Claremont's return, will most likely shift focus toward the X-Women. (Issue 100 has four of them on the cover.) Claremont has always had lot of great female characters. There are some of the highlights to be watching for in 2000.

In TV/Movies Shi, Kabuki, Lady Death and the X-Men will all have movies in 2000. Shi should be out sometime in the year with Tia Carrere in role of Ana. Kabuki begins the preliminary phases of a movie as the screenplay is being written now. David Mack himself is handling the writing chores as well as that for the Shi movie. Lady Death will join the feature film business with an animated movie brought to us by Adv Vision (Devil Hunter Yohko), more details on this project as it develops throughout the year. Huge news with the giant X-Men movie, just imagine the X-Women, Rogue, Jean Grey, and Storm in live action. Cartoons! You can probably expect to hear more about other American Heroines on the big and small screens. We are definitely due another cartoon of a solo female character. The last one we were treated was Spider-Woman nearly 22 years ago. We can expect more Anime imports to come on to our shores like Sailor Moon. Witchblade's live action TV show may actually hit the airwaves. Buffy will continue to grow especially with the spin-off Angel now. Ladies on screens may be a huge trend for 2000.

In Anything Else Definitely more exceptional products coming up for the women. More action figures and toys will hit the shelves, not sure on all them, but I do know about a female M2 line based on that line of books. Wonder Woman has a sweet looking Barbie approaching the stores. Kabuki is getting a doll and action figure, both based on David Mack's series from Moore Action Collectibles. More video games will come out for all sorts female characters especially with a hot selling property like Tomb Raider.
    I don't know about the rest of you, but to me it looks like 2000 maybe the year of the women in comics. Finally, it seems that feminine wiles are winning people over.

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[ComiConcerns]    [BACK TO TOP]

Edition 5: POKEMON: Love it or hate it
  Love it or hate it, Pokemon is here to stay...at least for quite some time. The craze began a few short years ago in Japan. A highly popular cartoon series exploded into a bonanza of merchandising chaos! Along came the video game, customizable card game, and an influx of various toy items.
  In late 1998 / early 1999, it found its way to America. Pokemon's success duplicated here and even surpassed that in Japan...and still continues strongly! There seems to be no end in sight.
  The video games are being pumped out regularly. As are the comics, toys, and probably the most popular item...the customizable card game (C.C.G.). Similar to "Magic:The Gathering," among other card games (X-Files, Star Trek, Star Wars, Legend of the Five Rings, etc.), This card line is an interactive game in which we can have the pocket monsters compete against each other in a virtual world of competition. Just as in the cartoon, each player must catch, train, and enter into competition his/her Pokemon animals.
  Pokemon is a phenomenon which will not fade away for a long while, and when it finally does, I suspect, it will eventually resurface in some form(s) later on. Why is this? Based on my past experience working in a collectibles shop for the past 11 and a half years, I've seen fads and cult items come and go. The most popular items seem to come back into popularity off and on. Some examples of these would be Popeye (a whole new generation was enlightened by this cartoon favorite in the early 1980s with the Robin Williams movie which led to a great deal of merchandising around that time), Transformers (1980s cartoon, comic series, and toy line which continues off and on over the years), Smurfs (there is a sizable cult following of collectors of the 1980s merchandise as well as more recently produced items), Star Wars (need I even begin on this example?), and COUNTLESS others. It doesn't always take much at all to revamp a previously popular icon. Simply a new TV series, movie, toy line, video game, or other item may be enough to spark huge renewed interest in the general public and old fans alike. The only thing that gives me faith in the Beanie Baby market is that so much of the general public is involved with it, as well as many corporate giants (Disney, Warner, Pokemon, etc.).
  In conclusion, what I'm saying is that because there are so many different aspects to the Pokemon craze, all of these areas are feeding this remarkable frenzy. It's like a virus reproducing itself and growing larger as it infiltrates the mind and emotion of every new fan.
  What do you think? As always, I'm highly interested in what you have to add to my comments. Feel free to let me know what you're thinking. You may even find your words staring back at you in a future article! Until next time, true believers, read on and write in! Please e-mail your thoughts and opinion on any of our issues, and e-mail me at kbrodsk@aol.com with your rebuttal, opinion, or comments. 

COLLECTIBLES & gifts ! Buy Sell Trade ! most popular types ! news, FREE collectibles advice & info., tons of truly useful FREE stuff, and many surprises! http://members.aol.com/missyxox/collectinvestments

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"If you close your eyes you'll miss it!"
  I was asked to take this column this month and look toward the future of comics. I'd like to take this space to mention some books that I'm looking forward to reading in the coming year. Now obviously I don't know what's going to come out at the end of 2000, but I will do some healthily speculation.
  Let's start with Plot master Warren Ellis' taking over of the second tier X-Books. I've always loved this guy's work because he is so consistent and polished, a true "pros" pro. His ideas are just left of center just below the middle to keep you guessing as to what will happen next. You can place down all the money you've got to make sure you get these books. Don't waitÉcause you don't want to be left out.
  I'm looking forward to seeing the new Gotham and Batman drawn by one of my favorite artist, and good friend, Scott McDaniel. If you have not had the great fortune of seeing his impressive run on Nightwing (issues 1-40, plus the special) you need to go to your shop and pick these bad boys up! The energy he brings to the page is on another level and I'm holding my breath to see his Batman. Staying on the Batman tip, looking ahead I see the Batgirl miniseries getting ready to come out and again I'm pumped. I've seen preview artÉ.wow!!! Matt Broome and Sean Parson's, another good friend of mine, are turning out some killer stuff. Other DC books I'm looking forward to are: Young Justice with the big Sins of Youth crossover in Mar/Apr, The Wonder Woman Dini/Ross book in late 2000, The Harley Quinn series (actually I wish it was just a miniÉbut we'll see), the new Metropolis in Superman, Birds of Prey, JSA, the conclusion of Morrison's run on JLA and Waid's start. You know maybe the next issue of Battle Chasers will be out by the end of 2000. 8^)
  At Marvel, there's not really anything that jumps out and grabs me by the throat except the new PUNISHER series by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillion. From all I've read and seen about thisÉthis IS the PUNISHER!!! I have great respect for the talents on the last two Marvel Knight Punisher series for their talent and the balls they showed taking the Punisher in a new direction. Just because it didn't work doesn't decrease my feelings for these guys. I salute themÉbut thank God for this new book. The Stern/Bryne Lost Heroes series looks interesting on the surface, but we'll have to see. The new Captain Marvel series looks good also. I've read the first issue and it was a fun read. I am looking ahead to Paul Jenkins take on the Hulk, Nicenza on Thunderbolts, Dan Jurgens on Captain America, The new art team of Yanick Paquette and Sean Parsons on Gambit has me excited, and all the other changes in the X-Universe. The Avengers look to be having a big year and I've heard the rumors of Chuck Dixon working at Marvel doing a possible revival of the Defenders.
  At Image and the others, always psyched about Sin City and Hellboy books. The two series that I can't wait to see in print are 2 books that have just become close to my heartÉChassis and Violent Messiahs. Both these books are from Image. Chassis number one is out in stores now and Violent Messiahs will be out in June. Now there are several reasons why these books top my list, one is that the characters and stories are fresh and exciting. Second is the art is first class. If you like a clean, magna-influenced with wild flying cars, a beautiful heroine, and dastardly villains then Chassis is your book, If you like over the top action that takes you in more directions than you knew possible and with art that just blows you away, then Violent Messiahs is the one for you. Lastly, I'm going to be working on these books doing some inking to help out the very talented Larry Welch as he tries to get these books out. I'll be inking some backgrounds and figures on the Violent Messiahs book and backgrounds on Chassis starting with issue 3 do out in April. So look for these booksÉhelp support meÉI mean support the comic shops.

Other highlightsÉ.
  Pick up Spider-man Unlimited based on the Fox cartoon. Very underrated.
  Continue to read Robin, Deadpool, Nightwing, and Tellos. These are great books.
  Claremont back on the X-Men books. Now if they would just put Bryne on the FF again and it would be like the early 80's all over againÉ.

  Once again this is GUTE saying Happy Holidays and a safe New YearÉ..

[Laugh Riot]    [BACK TO TOP]

LAUGH RIOT~ Laugh It Up

a-TABLOIDS...fictional, funny comic headlines

b-FOOL & A ...fake interview

c-OWEN'S HUMOROUS RAMBLINGS...by Owen Wolfe


THE END~ Closing Remarks and Next Issue

[Tabloids]    [BACK TO TOP]

AFTER 2000 HITS...
  So what's going to happen in year 2000? Based on our sources, here are 10 possible events that I've uncovered. (Oh number 10 is more than likely true.) Once the clock strikes midnight...

  1. The Joker laughs as his "Y2K Bug" plan was a big joke!
  2. Jedi Mind Tricks! Megamanicial George Lucas finally unveils what the force truly is, as everybody who has seen the Star Wars movies is subliminally forced to wreak havoc upon the earth.
  3. Pokemon craze, it affected by the 153rd Pokemon Y2KBug and Pikachus itself to death. Darn Team Rocket!
  4. Battle Chasers #6 comes out!
  5. Galactus appears and is looking for a Earth platter with a side of Moon. Where's Reed Richards when you need him?
  6. All comics reboot to the year 1900! Back to a time when Thor makes sense!
  7. Furbish finally causes insanity and becomes the only language!
  8. Dick Clark finally reveals his Android race ready to destroy us all. The ball was really a beacon all those years. We should have known it, with such hits as American Bandstand.
  9. Canada invades! Impale people with razor sharp Maple Leaves and loaded hockey sticks.
  10. The time is 12 am January 1, 2000.

Should Marvel and DC become Y2K Compatible?
by Mikel John

  Not if we want the universe to stay the same. A change like this would rock the very foundation of the Marvel Universe. The heroes that we have known and loved would be forever altered. The greatest love affair between Jean and Cyclops might very well be shattered. DC would never again be able to tell us a Year One story. Becoming Y2K compatible is just not the thing that the comic industry needs to do. Let's look at what would happen:
  The Flash's Universe would become completely different. Wally West, Barry Allen, and Jay Garrick would all be changed by Y2K. Wallk West, Barrk Allen, and Jak Garrick just doesn't have the same ring.
  Batman would change as well, very well going bankrupt. Who would buy a product from Wakne Tech? And are you really that afraid of Clakface?
  What about poor Mary Marvel, having a sex change and becoming Mark Marvel.
  And would you buy a comic called Koung Justice starring Superbok?
  Even in the Marvel Universe, things would be different.
  Another financial empire would collapse, as no one could trust Tonk Stark.
  The great love affair would end as Ckclops and Jean Grek split up.
  So I ask you, should Marvel and DC become Y2K compatible? To quote Thor, "I sak thee nak!"

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Copyright (c) 1999, Scribes Press. Tabloids is a Scribes Press column and can not be reproduced without creator consent. Any copyrighted characters or names mentioned above are TM & (c) to their respective companies. All Rights Reserved.

[Fool & A]    [BACK TO TOP]

  Y2K, Armageddon, End of the World, No E-mail! Hello, and welcome to the final Fool & A ever! Jester here and I'm bunkering down early. I've been asked what I think will happen once we've breached the Millennial threshold. Well, I see locusts, plagues, destruction, and worse of all no television! So to prevent my own Y2K disaster, I built myself a bunker and made my bells compliant. My bunker is complete with several maiming devices, my supply of crappy comics and a stockpile of Twinkies, those suckers could withstand a nuclear winter. Looters, vandals, journalists, Dick Clarks, make it stop! *THUMP* Whoa! Wh-wh-what was that?

Jester: Who's there!?!
WHO: zzzY2Kzzz I'm the Y2K Bug! zzzY2Kzzz Help me! Bozzman failing everything is Y2K Compliant now. Taking it out on me!
Jester: NO! Nothing is safe at this Millennium!
Y2Ky: Hmmph, I thought the News Media was bad.

Jester: Waitaminute, who is in charge of this whole conspiracy? There is nobody here but you, me, several Twinkies and an ominous looking shadow.
Y2Ky: Bill Gates!
Jester: The nerdy Windows guy?
Y2Ky: Yes. He's evil. Microsoft is tfosorcim spelled forwards.

Jester: Uh...ok. Bill Gates is behind all this Y2K Stuff? Clever fiend! He made us dependent on computers and then pulls out the proverbial cord!
Y2Ky: Only here's the cure: *SCRUNCH!*
  [The ominous shadow moved and crushed the Y2K Bug]

Jester: EWWW... Who are you?
Shadow: IT IS I, BILL GATES! You must be Shut Down, you know too much.

Jester: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!! [Jester stops, gets a serious look and looks at Bill.] HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!
Gates 99: Fear me before I reboot your brain!

Jester: Could you please take off the Dr. Microsoft villain garb! Is it made with instable DOS commands? And seriously about the Windows icon glasses? HAHHAHAHAHA!!!
Gates 99: Fool, I have destroyed the world MWHAHAHA-MWHAHAHAHA *BEEP!*
  [Gates' face freezes and an error message pops up.]

Jester: "Computer has performed an illegal operation. Restart your Computer?" Oh, that's got to hurt? He forgot to upgrade.
  [Jester notices a Twinkie.]

  3...2...1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! All the computers crash around the world and then reboot. Twinkies for everyone!!!! That's right Y2K means Yes 2 Kreme-filled Pastries! Even though he cured the Y2K crisis, Jester is still hiding in the bunker, because "Can't move too many TWINKIES!!!"

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Copyright (c) 1999, Scribes Press. Fool & A is a Scribes Press column and can not be reproduced without creator consent. Any copyrighted characters or names mentioned above are TM & (c) to their respective companies. All Rights Reserved.

[Owen's Humorous Ramblings]    [BACK TO TOP]

THE HULK ATTACKS MARVEL OFFICES
by Lowen Dolfe [AP]- New York

  Earlier this week, the big green beast known as "The Hulk" attacked the offices of Marvel Comics, causing $2 million in damage and injuring 100 workers at the offices.
    "Man, now we're even more bankrupt!" cried a half-crazy Stan Lee, examining the wreckage. "At least Marvel doesn't give insurance to it's workers...er, did I just say that? This is off the record, right? RIGHT?!?"
  Among the injured is John Byrne, famed comic writer/artist, who is famous for his X-Men collaborations with Chris Claremont, as well as his solo work on the Fantastic Four comic book. Once Hulk had reverted to his human alter-ego, Bruce Banner, we learned that Byrne was actually the target of the attack.
  "He's f**ked up so many continuities in comic books that someone had to do something!" Banner screamed, foaming at the mouth. Seconds later, the NYPD hauled him away.

THE ORIGINAL BATMAN RETIRES
by Sowen Yolfe [AP]- Gotham City

  It's a little known fact that, just like James Bond, there have been many different Batmen over the years. From 1939 to 1951, Bruce Wayne was indeed Batman, but in late 1951, DC replaced the 40-year-old caped-crusader with Lance Torin, whose career ended in 1967. From 1967 to 1981, John Butchison wore the cowl, and from 1982 to the present we've seen Dick Masterson hold the mantle of Batman.
  Wayne, until this week, was still an employee of DC. He got a role in the spotlight for four issues in 1986, in Frank Miller's mini-series The Dark Knight Returns. However, Wayne has lived life since then in his mansion in Gotham City, gaining more weight than Marlon Brando.
  "I feel it's time," Wayne said in a raspy voice. "I mean 60 years is a long time to work for a two-bit comic book company who's funded by the Mafia...er, I did not say that. Nosiree. Just...uh...a little joke there. Some humor."
  Wayne is 97.

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Copyright (c) 1999, Scribes Press & Owen Wolfe. Owen's Humorous Ramblings is a Scribes Press column and can not be reproduced without creator consent. Any copyrighted characters or names mentioned above are TM & (c) to their respective companies. All Rights Reserved.

[The End]    [BACK TO TOP]

  The End of 1999. It been a big year for the comics industry, lots of cool series, and new stuff. DC Comics stole the show this year with the Bat-Books' "No Man's Land" year long storyline. DC Comics was the publisher of 1999, especially since with the purchase of Wildstorm they now own books like Gen 13, Astro City, Alan Moore's ABC line and Battle Chasers. Marvel came in with Earth X, the constant efforts to fixing the X-Men, Marvel Knights, and their crown jewel the Avengers. Enough about last year. 2000 will bring us more multimedia events for comic characters, though its going to take awhile. So what about Scribes? I see the next year as make or break time for Scribes Press. The ultimate goal is to have a published Scribes Press magazine in your hands. If this is a possibility or not we'll find out next year. If we don't make it next year, then its so long to Scribes. Now we finish another issue, on behalf of Scribes Press and its staff, I wish you all a Happy and Safe New Year. See you in the year 2000...

Laugh Out Loud Quote: Action #761

  Wonder Woman comes and asks Superman for help. Lois turns to the mirror and says...
    Lois: Hi I'm a Amazon Princess. Can I borrow your husband for awhile? I need someone to polish my tiara.
    [Ow, looks like some super hero is sleeping on couch.]

Scribes Press is an electronic comics magazine, owned and copyrighted(c) by Thomas Martin,1997. Columns are owned by Scribes Press, and can not reprinted without approval. All copyrighted characters mentioned above are TM and (c) of their respective companies. Scribes Press doesn't own nor claim to own any of those characters. All Rights Reserved.