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"All this for 17 syllables?" Relaxing at the Four Seasons hotel after arriving on Saturday. Gee, a private bar in the room and $500 to spend? What to do?

Four Seasons Hotel
I'd never stayed there before
Never will again


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Yeah, I know. I was just trying to experience as many of the amenities of the hotel as I could in the short time I had. So sue me.

You think this is bad?
Just be glad I didn't show
How I dialed the phone

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My faithful sidekick (and NOT my longtime companion) David Bartley, looking really stupid. This was on Saturday, but we hadn't really even started drinking yet.

Used to work with Dave
But now I don't (long story)
He's a funny guy



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Mmmmm, Krispy Kreme! Here I am stuffing my face on Monday morning, a few hours before the interviews were taped. Also pictured are fellow contest winner Ryah Rosenberg and her mom. And no, it wasn't somebody's rec room.

Ryah likes evil
And wants to work in cartoons
Move over, Zorak!


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We now join the makeup lady in her tragically unsuccessful attempt to make me presentable for a worldwide audience. I accept any and all blame for the results.

The jowls and dewlap?
Prosthetic makeup effects
Like Eddie Murphy



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A buncha white guys standin' around digestin' lunch. From left to right: David Bartley, Andy Merrill (Brak, Lokar), some loser, Clay Croker (Moltar, Zorak), and Dave Willis (Commander Andy's cousin Herndon). We parted company soon after, but the memory of that special moment still lingers.

Hanging with Andy!
He didn't eat my sandwich
Just breathed on my fries

Clay was really cool
And Dave helped us figure out
Where to drink next trip



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Just as we were leaving the Cartoon Network offices to head back home, Ryah and I were dragged before a meeting of the entire CN staff to read our haiku. Those guys were applauding and cheering like Ted Turner had just given them all raises or something. You WILL believe a man can squirm!

This was, without doubt,
The weirdest moment of all--
That's saying something!

Check out that one chick
She was diggin' the Seanster
And then I woke up

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