Poetry, Opinion, and General Verbosity


Name and Location: Steve Holtje
Brooklyn, NY

Hobbies and Interests: rock, jazz, classical & avant-garde music, funk, blues, actually 85% of all music genres, record/CD collecting, softball, baseball fan (Let's Go Mets), poetry (I'll show you mine/you show me yours), singing, songwriter/composer (sopranos, ask to see my song cycles)


[IMAGE]

Steve interviews George Clinton, the mastermind of Parliament-Funkadelic, and thinks, "So this is what acid damage sounds like."


TABLE OF CONTENTS

Favorite Places
The Poetry of Steve Holtje:
..Three Tanka
..Blood from a Saxophone
..Wrestling with Closure
..Diner Dementia
..Junk Life
..Free Jazz
..First Hot Day of the Year
..Idiot Night
..Monk-a-ning
..Joe Morris Guitar Solo / Proportion / Moebius Melody / Duende / Joe Morris Guitar Solo 2
..Sentence
..dedicated to my boss
..Poem for Grace
..We Know
..Lying Awake
..The Shards of My Heart
Samples of Other Poets:
..Francis Ponge
..Gary Snyder
..Tom Clark
..Steve Dalachinsky
..Paul Semel
..William Carlos Williams
..Jasmine Faber
..Rainer Maria Rilke
..Ruth Platt
..Charles Bukowski
..Robinson Jeffers
..Hitomaro
..Assorted Japanese Tanka

Some of my favorite places include:
Bill James Encyclopedia (baseball stats resource)
The Tenth Inning (a daily recap, often humorous, of the previous day's baseball games)
http://www.accelnet.com/victoria (sexy stories by a good friend)
CDnow : Main : Homepage (my current employer, and a great place to read about music of all types and to shop for CDs)

Besides being a professional music critic and editor, I'm a poet. I write about the jazz musicians I like, about relationships, whatever. There's plenty more where these came from. If you'd like to read more, just ask. Reactions are welcome too.


Three Tanka


Thoughts

It is very cold.
I sit on a bench, thinking,
alone in the park.
We used to come here often.
It is terribly crowded.


The Japanese Garden

The carp are fed bread
rolled into balls so it sinks.
The turtles come too.
The ducks eat the floating bread.
I watch you lean over them.


Unnatural Act

Your thighs squeeze my skull
as my pure tongue zeroes in;
cats meow outside.
Then you drown them out, again.
We won't get to work on time.

--------------------------------------------------------

Blood from a Saxophone


She's in
the mental ward
of C-P and I'm
at the Knitting Factory
and Charles Gayle
is on the stage
doing through his tenor sax what
I feel like doing

screaming crying
bellowing wailing
squawking braying
spraying his anger + split tones +
pain + overblowing + guts
+ inexorable flurries of emotional shrapnel +
wild unbridled ecstasy
around the small room

two bassists
and a drummer
share in this
communal catharsis
of euphoric
agony,
the sound of fury
signifying
everything

and I just
sit

---------------------------------------------------

Wrestling with Closure


I step into the night
and close the door behind me
and you're still not with me
and never will be again
as long as I'm alive
and you're not

and I usually go on anyway
but like missing the last step
that's not supposed to be
at the bottom of the stairs
I have that strange, startling
sensation that wrenches me around
and reminds me of finality

And I have to step back
from the night and
retreat inside to confront
all the loose ends
that can never really
be tied up now

---------------------------------------------

Diner Dementia


We call him Rasputin
for his beard, his ponytail,
his thumbtack eyes

It's a late night at College Inn
and he's done eating. He
walks away
comes back to his table
counts the change in the tip
walks away
comes back
sits down
gets up
walks away
comes back
re-arranges the used
napkins and silverware
walks away
comes back
counts the tip again
walks away, comes back
drains the last drops from
his coffee cup
away - back
he's amazing.

The waitress leans
on the counter, watching,
waiting to swoop in for
the tip.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Junk Life

Whenever I'm near an open Wendy's, I have two Big Classics, if that location sells them for $1.49, or else I have a triple cheeseburger, which they don't even have on the menu anymore--and when they did, my friend Fred called it the triple bypass--but they'll still make it for you, unlike their Chicken Cordon Bleu, which they don't remember even though they had it less than a year ago, and now all they have is three chicken sandwiches with different names that're really all the same thing, and the spicy one isn't very spicy at all. And if I'm really hungry I'll get fries too. They were better when they were cooked in animal fat instead of vegetable oil, and Coke was better when it was made with sugar instead of corn syrup, but you can still get Coke with sugar in some Jewish stores at Passover, which I don't quite understand because why isn't corn syrup Kosher--don't they kill it right?
And my new favorite bodega food is Aunt Hannah Pecan Spins, six for 79 cents, which just right there shows you how totally excellent they are, and they're full of cinnamon and they're really soft and doughy and yes, they even have ground-up pecans. I wish I could wash them down with Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum Soda, but for some reason I can't find it anymore, so I drink Jolt instead, if I can find that, which is getting increasingly difficult.
My friends tell me I'm slowly killing myself, and ask if I'm too poor or too busy to buy food they consider healthy, or they ask if I'm a refined sugar addict, but I tell them, no, they were right the first time: I'm slowly killing myself. I'm far too much of a wimp to do anything more suddenly suicidal to fulfill my death wish, so I eat junk food as often as possible just in case riding the subway late at night doesn't do the trick. I'd smoke, but I'm afraid that its detrimental effect on my breath would hinder my pursuit of another great instinctual imperative, procreation, although paradoxically, now I always wear a condom during intercourse, which not only short-circuits the procreating aspect but also results in my missing out on another popular death opportunity. I'm guessing I'll probably have a doozy of a heart attack someday, maybe during sex, which is the only strenuous exercise I get unless you count softball every Saturday, which is a lot more frequent and regular than my sex life nowadays but which mostly consists of standing around in the outfield. So softball doesn't really fulfill any important imperatives, but I like it anyway. I must be a hedonist. Maybe that explains the Aunt Hannah Pecan Spins too. Well, one way or another, eventually I'll get my death wish.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Free Jazz


Pound your head
against that wall

Pound until blood
stains the bricks

Pound until your
skin erodes the mortar

Pound until the blood
sprays bystanders

Pound until the wall
becomes transparent

Maybe it will change
things, maybe not

Pound until it feels good
and then keep pounding


(Peter Brötzmann - Borah Bergman duo at Vision for the 21st Century Arts Festival, 6/9/96)

------------------------------------------------------------------

First Hot Day of the Year

Cute Latino girls
Catching the A to the beach
Swimsuits worn under
White T-shirts and cut-off jeans
Shyly avoiding the boys

-------------------------------------------------

Idiot Night


Idiot night
waves the stars & planets around
like a late man
hailing a cab
with a dead president for bait

but the skyscrapers
with their omniscient
flourescents
always win on points

While the whores on Ninth
and the cruising cabbies
beat dead dreams
over the head with
a 35 oz. Darryl Strawberry model
or a pungent tuna on a roll
or 3/4-forgotten love affairs

and you walk across 50th
acting like you've got a clue

but that feeble idiot night
is still too much for you anyway
and you fall
for it every time

until the garbage
trucks remind you
you've got a job and
something that passes for
a life

--------------------------------------

Monk-a-ning


Stop time
Swing time
Double time
Cut time

Play the silence
Move it.
Tosstorrentsintogaps and
Leave out what's not .

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poems inspired by Joe Morris's 12/19/95 gig at the Knitting Factory

Joe Morris Guitar Solo

Eyes closed
He can
feel it
nearly in his
grasp

Here!
What?
Maybe....

scurrying
shhh
let it go
...

Proportion

scramble-twist
run it down
unravel knot

feathers
shrapnel

rolling up string
glide alongside
asymmetrical spirals

Propulsion
...

Moebius Melody

a single
gesture
of casual grace

is
self-justifying

shrugs off the
tyranny
of time

juggles
air
...

Duende

the self-making
wrinkles
around the eyes
of an
old man
...

Joe Morris Guitar Solo 2

Faster, faster
Harder, harder
Oh, oh, oh!

It's no joke
This is like sex

euphoric
mutual

an obsessive
structuring of
repeated motions
constructed of nuance

driving towards
momentary
perfection

-----------------------------------

Sentence


I think that I shall never hear
a poem as lovely as
the David S. Ware Quartet
beating the crap out of
"Canadian Sunset," mantrically flogging
those first five notes
until they bleed the crimson
anguish of deferred rapture
chased after by heavy, sweaty
men in heavy, sweaty boots,
brushing it with their
flailing fingertips as
it bobs in and out of
reach, pumped by the endorphins
of physical action into a quarter
hour bout with beauty,
a finer ecstasy than any goal
ever attained in any degree
of sunlight.

-----------------------------------------------------

dedicated to my boss


I would be a vulture
Though I am not
of a vulture-like disposition
I would be a vulture to your
Prometheus, just to
rip your liver out eternally
and spit it upon you and
the rock you dangle from rather
than stain myself with your substance

I would strike with my beak,
sharp curve rending skin
and rupturing organs that
are perpetually revitalized
just so I can extract
every last measure of your agony
until the end of time

And you'd still owe me

-------------------------------------------

Poem for Grace


The weeds are trampled down again
In the corner lot
The deadwood and broken bottles of winter
Are piled out of the way
By uniform boys of blue & white & grasstain

Now the batter is hit by the pitch
Crowding the plate with the count full
I am reminded of you
You, you haven't learned to duck

------------------------------------------------------

We Know


We know the laughing idea
Closing our mouths to words
We drink thought through our eyes

Like the hallucination of fever
Eyes are a conduit
To rightness beyond logic

Transparent black shows me
Overwhelming lightness
Show me

Black framed by white
By black by white by black
With your lips in your eyes

--------------------------------------------------

Lying Awake


The dark holds a sharpness,
the sweet tang of red caviar
bursting against the palate
seeing a squirrel and connecting it
with a long-past, confused conversation

Kicking a potato up Broadway early one Saturday
The blowjob in Judy's apartment
while she got her clothes out of the dryer,
and then us trying not to grin

And singing, always singing--
together on "Life is Good in the Greenhouse"
while bemused friends sat on the floor
at our housewarming party

All of Murmur, in the pickup truck,
making up words when we couldn't decipher them
(and the smell of your cigarettes
suddenly attractive to me)

My head in your lap
as you sang "Reasons" a capella,
by request, on the bathroom floor
the night we moved in together

One year of euphoria,
and then
confusion,
anger,
apology,
and now emptiness

The dark holds a sharpness,
a nipple traced by tongue
a memory recalled by the sudden
scenting of some odor that tantalizes,
recognized but not placed

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Shards of My Heart


The shards of my heart beat out of sync
The shards of my heart, exploded in questions

Glass in the cement
every Monday pavement
The children run along the benches
waiting unconsciously

I run from empty rooms
afraid of accusations
Tasting defeat and insecurity
while you sleep, waiting

The shards of my heart cut my insides out
The shards of my heart are a painful mnemonic

The white-out's too thin
to cover shimmering guitars
The night air's too cold
to take your place

Waiting for glass and birth
and your string of questions
With expectations of interminable
departure

The shards of my heart bind me to the world
The shards of my heart are keeping me honest

----------------------------------------------------

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Among the poets I like are Rainer Maria Rilke, William Carlos Williams, Wallace Stevens, Charles Bukowski, Tom Clark, Ted Hughes, Maggie Estep, Francis Ponge, Akiko Yosano, Hitomaro, Gary Snyder, Li Po, Tu Fu, Steve Dalachinsky, Yuko Otomo, Henry Rollins, Paul Semel, Ruth Platt, and John S. Hall. Dipping into their works would make anybody a slightly better person. Here are a few examples.


Francis Ponge

Rain

In the yard where I watch it fall, the rain comes down at several different speeds. In the middle it is a delicate and threadbare curtain (or a net), an implacable but relatively slow descent of quite small drops, a simpiternal precipitation lacking vigor, an intense fragment of the pure meteor. A little away from the walls on each side heavier drops fall separately, with more noise. Some look the size of a grain of corn, others a pea, or almost a marble. On the parapets and balustrades of the window the rain runs horizontally, and on the inside of these obstacles it hangs down in convex loops. It streams in a thin sheet over the entire surface of a zinc roof straight below me--a pattern of watered silk, in the various currents, from the imperceptible bosses and undulations of the surface. In the gutter there, it flows with the contention of a deep but only slightly inclined stream, until suddenly it plunges in a perfectly vertical thread, quite thickly platted, to the ground, where it breaks and scatters in shining needles.
Each of these forms has its own particular manner of moving; each elicits a particular sound. The whole thing is intensely alive in the manner of a complicated mechanism, both precise and precarious, like a piece of clockwork in which the activating force is the weight of a mass precipitated from vapor.
The ringing of the vertical threads on the pavement, the gurgling from the gutters, the miniature gong-chimes, multiply and resonate together in a consort which avoids monotony, and is not without delicacy.
And when the pressure is relaxed, some of the clockwork continues to function for a while, getting slower and slower, until the whole machine stops. Then, if the sun comes out again, the whole thing is quite soon effaced--the shiny apparatus evaporates: it has been raining.

(translated from the French by Peter Riley; taken from The Random House Book of Twentieth Century French Poetry, edited by Paul Auster: Vintage Books, 1984)


Gary Snyder

from Four Poems for Robin

An autumn morning in Shokoku-ji

Last night watching the Pleiades,
Breath smoking in the moonlight,
Bitter memory like vomit
Choked my throat.
I unrolled a sleeping bag
On mats on the porch
Under thick autumn stars.
In dream you appeared
(Three times in nine years)
Wild, cold, and accusing.
I woke shamed and angry:
The pointless wars of the heart.
Almost dawn. Venus and Jupiter.
The first time I have
Ever seen them close.

(taken from The Back Country: New Directions, 1968)


Tom Clark

Clemente (1934-72)

won’t forget
his nervous
habit of
rearing his
head back
on his neck
like a
proud horse

(taken from Blue: Black Sparrow Press, 1974)


Steve Dalachinsky

Like Wildflower

i look at myself in
your mirror
& am disappointed again

the windfall
like waterfall
(turned ice on my roof)
& my tongue like roses
frozen

picked me like a number
a birthmark
me ocean of
topsy-turvy canned
goods empty &
obsessed
slip on your
pallet &
rust
your mirror
i look and am dis
appointed
again

turn me over
& weave me like a
basket
with your ungloved cold
cold fingers
i
bottled up a
bottle of frozen
jissum unsolved &
wondering

ski on my hair
cut cut me
down like so much live
tart a
sweet tart filled with
weather

imprison me
throw away the key
no need to lock the door
i won't leave
lock me in your mirror
throw away the
glass

no one to skate on
my stomach i am
jack lantern aflame &
gone out

ridicule my forecast

no one really knows how
crazy anyone
really
is

i suffer the reality of artists &
feast on the unlit
coils

a stove
white
its oven door open to the
draft
feet deep in the ice of a bowery
day
names burnt into the surface of

the ice
& the light that grows from the
branches of the tree
is wet & smooth & hard
& clear

the pods of the jimson weed
are covered by near zero
temperature
they seem sick of
dead
they droop stem deep in the
no-thaw

skid on my face i'll
catch you with my
mouth

inside
the seeds are forming
unpassionately & will spring forth
& reform again

slide down my chest
over my hump & off my
ass
like a downhill racer &
i'll fall at your feet
while you save me with your eyes
& with crutches discarded
steadily
we'll lift us
with our arms.

(taken from In the Book of Ice: self-published, 1995)


Paul Semel

untitled

a few words
were all it took
to kill him
again

(taken from Still Beating Heart: Mental Press, 1992)


William Carlos Williams

To a Solitary Disciple

Rather notice, mon cher,
that the moon is
tilted above
the point of the steeple
than that its color
is shell-pink.

Rather observe
that it is early morning
than that the sky
is smooth as a turquoise.

Rather grasp
how the dark
converging lines
of the steeple
meet at the pinnacle--
perceive how
its little ornament
tries to stop them--

See how it fails!
See how the converging lines
of the hexagonal spire
escape upward--
receding, dividing!
--sepals
that guard and contain
the flower!

Observe
how motionless
the eaten moon
lies in the protecting lines.
It is true:
in the light colors
of morning

brown-stone and slate
shine orange and dark blue.

But observe the oppressive weight
of the squat edifice!
Observe
the jasmine lightness
of the moon.

(taken from The Collected Earlier Poems: New Directions (no date))


Jasmine Faber

A Day in the Life...

Scurrying through the aisles
at a local supermarket
I throw thoughts of you into the
cold metal cart
along with the frozen peas and gallon of milk
and later in the day get the most intense erotic images
as I pull on the long hose at the gas pump
and insert that nozzle into my gas tank
almost weak-kneed when at last I replace
the dripping tip back into the slot.

As I search through rows of toys and
fragrances and grandpa sweaters
I smile at the thought of secret intimacies
and of presents already shared
unwrapped
enjoyed to the fullest
fullfilling all the expectations
that preceed the giving
It is Christmastime
a season to share
to surprise and please
to fullfill wishes
to express all the tenderness
and love
in one's heart.

(unpublished, 1996)


Rainer Maria Rilke

from The Sonnets to Orpheus

I, 3

A god can do it. But will you tell me how
a man can penetrate through the lyre’s strings?
Our mind is split. And at the shadowed crossing
of heart-roads, there is no temple for Apollo.

Song, as you have taught it, is not desire,
not wooing any grace that can be achieved;
song is reality. Simple, for a god.
But when can we be real? When does he pour

the earth, the stars, into us? Young man,
it is not your loving, even if your mouth
was forced wide open by your own voice--learn

to forget that passionate music. It will end.
True singing is a different breath, about
nothing. A gust inside the god. A wind.

(translated from the German by Stephen Mitchell; taken from The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke: Vintage Books, 1984)


Ruth Platt

Time on my hands.

It's been 13 days, 11 hours, and 22 minutes
since the last time I thought about you until now...

4 months and 3 days
since the last time I saw you...

The last time you touched me
was 5 months ago, a little after 6:30 pm.
I was watching the clock, thinking
'this is the last time I let him
make love to me again.'

I don't miss you
as much as I used to.

(unpublished)

Charles Bukowski

2 flies

The flies are angry bits of
life;
why are they so angry?
it seems they want more,
it seems almost as if they
are angry
that they are flies;
it is not my fault;
I sit in the room
with them
and they taunt me
with their agony;
it is as if they were
loose chunks of soul
left out of somewhere;
I try to read a paper
but they will not let me
be;
one seems to go in half-circles
high along the wall,
throwing a miserable sound
upon my head;
the other one, the smaller one
stays near and teases my hand,
saying nothing,
rising, dropping
crawling near;
what god puts these
lost things upon me?
other men suffer dictates of
empire, tragic love...
I suffer
insects...
I wave at the little one
which only seems to revive
his impulse to challenge:
he circles swifter,
nearer, even making
a fly-sound,
and one above
catching a sense of the new
whirling, he too, in excitement,
speeds his flight,
drops down suddenly
in a cuff of noise
and they join
in circling my hand,
strumming the base
of the lampshade
until some man-thing
in me
will take no more
unholiness
and I strike
with the rolled-up paper--
missing!--
striking,
striking,
they break in discord,
some message lost between them,
and I get the big one
first, and he kicks on his back
flicking his legs
like an angry whore,
and I come down again
with my paper club
and he is a smear
of fly-ugliness;
the little one circles high
now, quiet and swift,
almost invisible;
he does not come near
my hand again;
he is tamed and
inaccessible; I leave
him be, he leaves me
be;
the paper, of course,
is ruined;
something has happened,
something has soiled my
day,
sometimes it does not
take a man
or a woman,
only something alive;
I sit and watch
the small one;
we are woven together
in the air
and the living;
it is late
for both of us.

(taken from Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit: Black Sparrow Press, 1986)


Robinson Jeffers

Return

A little too abstract, a little too wise,
It is time for us to kiss the earth again,
It is time to let the leaves rain from the skies,
Let the rich life run to the roots again.
I will go down to the lovely Sur Rivers
And dip my arms in them up to the shoulders.
I will find my accounting where the alder leaf quivers
In the ocean wind over the river boulders.
I will touch things and things and no more thoughts,
That breed like mouthless May-flies darkening the sky,
The insect clouds that blind our passionate hawks
So that they cannot strike, hardly can fly.
Things are the hawk’s food and noble is the mountain, Oh noble
Pico Blanco, steep sea-wave of marble.

(taken from Selected Poems: Vintage Books, 1965)


Hitomaro (seventh century AD)
Three Naga Uta ("long poems" by Japanese standards; elegies of moderate length)

In the sea of ivy clothed Iwami
Near the cape of Kara,
The deep sea miru weed
Grows on the sunken reefs;
The jewelled sea tangle
Grows on the rocky foreshore.
Swaying like the jewelled sea tangle
My girl would lie with me,
My girl whom I love with a love
Deep as the miru growing ocean.
We slept together only a few
Wonderful nights and then
I had to leave her.
It was like tearing apart braided vines.
My bowels are knotted inside me
With the pain of my heart.
I long for her and look back.
A confusion of colored leaves
Falls over Mount Watari.
I can no longer see
Her waving sleeves.
The moon rushes through rifted clouds
Over the honeymoon cottage
On Mount Yagami.
The setting sun has left the sky.
The light grows dim.
I thought I was a brave man.
My thin sleeves are wet with tears.
.....

The Bay of Tsyunu
In the sea of Iwami
Has no fine beaches
And is not considered beautiful.
Perhaps it is not,
But we used to walk
By the sea of the whale fishers
Over the rocky shingle of Watazu
Where the wind blows
The green jewelled seaweed
Like wings quivering in the morning,
And the waves rock the kelp beds
Like wings quivering in the evening.
Just as the sea tangle sways and floats
At one with the waves,
So my girl clung to me
As she lay by my side.
Now I have left her,
To fade like the hoarfrost.
I looked back ten thousand times
At every turn of the road.
Our village fell away,
Farther and farther away.
The mountains rose between us,
Steeper and steeper.
I know she thinks of me, far off,
And wilts with longing, like summer grass.
Maybe if the mountains would bow down
I could see her again,
Standing in our doorway.
.....

When she was still alive
We would go out, arm in arm,
And look at the elm trees
Growing on the embankment
In front of our house.
Their branches were interlaced.
Their crowns were dense with spring leaves.
They were like our love.
Love and trust were not enough to turn back
The wheels of life and death.
She faded like a mirage over the desert.
One morning like a bird she was gone
In the white scarves of death.
Now when the child
Whom she left in her memory
Cries and begs for her,
All I can do is pick him up
And hug him clumsily.
I have nothing to give him.
In our bedroom our pillows
Still lie side by side,
As we lay once.
I sit there by myself
And let the days grow dark.
I lie awake at night, sighing till daylight.
No matter how much I mourn
I shall never see her again.
They tell me her spirit
May haunt Mount Hagai
Under the eagles' wings.
I struggle over the ridges
And climb to the summit.
I know all the time
That I shall never see her,
Not even so much as a faint quiver in the air.
All my longing, all my love
Will never make any difference.

(taken from a wonderful collection translated and compiled by Kenneth Rexroth, One Hundred Poems from the Japanese: New Directions, 1955)


Assorted Japanese Tanka

Tanka was the precursor to haiku and was the major form of classical Japanese poetry. In the original, it's five lines of 5-7-5-7-7 syllables. Most commentators consider the quality of the writing to be superior to haiku.


The mists rise over
The still pools at Asuka.
Memory does not
Pass away so easily.
by Akahito


I think of the days
Before I met her
When I seemed to have
No troubles at all.
by Fujiwara No Atsutada


In the empty mountains
The leaves of the bamboo grass
Rustle in the wind.
I think of a girl
Who is not here.
by Hitomaro

I sit at home
In our room
By our bed
Gazing at your pillow.
by Hitomaro

May those who are born after me
Never travel such roads of love.
by Hitomaro


I may live on until
I long for this time
In which I am so unhappy,
And remember it fondly.
by Fujiwara No Kiyosuke


Imperceptible
It withers in the world,
This flower-like human heart.
by Komachi


Do not smile to yourself
Like a green mountain
With a cloud drifting across it.
People will know we are in love.
by Sakanoe

(taken from Kenneth Rexroth, One Hundred Poems from the Japanese: New Directions, 1955)

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