My Opinions, Vents and Advice
Tips and advice:
I'm so glad that I've gotten such positive responses.
I'd like to make some general recommendations for those needing information
on your state's laws and/or federal legislation:
1) Use my links on my other home pages (below), and use the links to the
Legislative libraries in Washington. Also use the Yahoo! link to look up
any law libraries in your state since a lot of the laws dealing with deadbeats
are state legislation. I found out from my Senator that there are very few
federal laws that are helpful. Maybe this is one of the things we as a group
can be instrumental in changing. The government handed over the authority
on such laws to the states. Therefore, it is so important that you read up
yourself on the laws as they pertain to you so you can have something that
you can then have the authorities follow through on. Actually, many states,
including Louisiana, have passed many great laws. If your state hasn't passed
these laws yet...ie. revocation/non-renewal of any state issued license.....which
is anything from a fishing to a medical license....and of course the
driver's license ...until child support payments are brought up to date,
then you must demand that these laws be introduced and passed. I'm especially
grateful to President Clinton for his "umbrella" legislation that he introduced
in his State of the Union address that will make it a felony to leave
a state in order to avoid paying child support. Please write your federal
Legislator to demand this legislation is passed. You must learn your states
statutes, education is power!
2) Research your ex on your own. Get as much information on him/her that
you can. Talk to old friends. Look for similar companies to the ones he used
to work for. He is probably working in the same field as before. If he's
working under the table, get evidence if possible. Can you afford a private
investigator? Neither can I. So get creative. Take pictures if you can do
so discreetly. Have a friend do it that he doesn't know. If you know where
he might be at a certain time and place and he is dodging service, ask the
judge for permission to appoint a special server. In Louisiana, this can
be anyone over the age of 21 and that is not a relative of either party.
Have all the facts of the case ready for the judge and all the proof (even
if the judge has presided over the case for 10 yrs, they HATE having to do
any research, they want everything possible laid out in front of them each
time) of the fact the other party is a deadbeat and is dodging service. Ask
for copies of the supeonas (spelling?) that were unable to be served. I handed
the judge a copy of 4 subpoenas that were unable to be served for different
reasons.
I don't claim to be a legal eagle, just would like to pass on information
that could be useful. My most important goal with this page is to get the
discussion group going. We need better legislation for those states that
haven't as yet passed good tight laws on child support, and laws in those
states that have that tightens up the loose ends, and the only way to get
it passed is to push for it in large numbers. Please continue to write.
I would like to personally thank Detectives Wade Schultz and Gregory Bryant of the New Orleans Police Department. They have worked tirelessly on my case, finally bringing in my ex-husband after 6 months of tracking him down. But, as typical as the court system and the Judge who issued the warrant are, the bond set on the warrant was only for $3,000. So, after going to jail at 11am he was out by midnight after bonding out with $300. My ex hasn't even been brought before the judge yet, and finding out when he's due in court is now a daily process because nobody knows. How he can be released without a specific date and time to be due into court is beyond me. The Police are doing their job, but with a court system in which the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing, it's become a joke. This is why we have to band together to change the laws, which will bind the judge's hands and not let them make such ludicrous decisions. There's now a new judge, and I hear that she's very no-nonsense. The only problem is, can I get my ex-husband into court again to face her? It took us 6 months to find him this time, I hate to even think what finding him is going to be like now. Please, please, I ask you to take a stand and help to reconstruct the legislation so that this circus-like activity can finally be stopped! Oh, and by the way, the guy that keeps hiding him, paying him under the table and bailing him out of jail is just as guilty as my ex-husband.
10/7/97 Ok, I feel that I need to clarify a few things here.
1) I do not...repeat....do not condone, in fact, I detest any parent, custodial or non-custodial parent, using any child as a pawn. I state this further down, but with all the information that I've added to the page, I feel that that paragraph gets lost. Any CP that withholds visitation just for the sake of vengeance is wrong and being counterproductive, and not acting in the best interest of the child. The only time that I would advocate withholding visitation is when the child's safety is in true jeapordy. I'm talking about extreme cases. I also have to add that the cases where CPs that are withholding visitation only because of vengeance, only because they're simply pissed off at the NCP only hurt those who are honestly trying to make a difference. Yes, to answer a question posed to me via email, if there was a law that would penalize CPs that withheld visitation out of vengeance, I would support it. It does work both ways.
2) By the same token, those true deadbeat parents out there create another overlooked victim, those NCPs that take responsibility and do everything they're supposed to. Let's not go to the other extreme and create the thinking that all NCPs are deadbeats; I've never suggested that. In fact, this is another reason that I've started this campaign, so that the true deadbeats are flushed out and those who play by the rules (ethically and morally) are not put in the same light. There has to be a distinction. What we're talking about here are true deadbeats that have walked away from their children, abandoning them. There's no interest in their children, only in how to skirt the law, meanwhile blaming everyone else but themselves for their own actions.
10/4/97 I'd like to suggest to all Prosecutors and Judges....a new form of punishment for the extreme cases. If, after two years, the Deadbeat Parent still refuses to live up to his/her responsibility of providing for their own children....then instead of jail.....that the deadbeat be made to wear a sandwich board through his/her neighborhood and place of work (if they're working) saying on the front "I AM A DEADBEAT PARENT" and on the back "I FORCE YOU TO PAY FOR THE CARE OF MY CHILDREN."
The way it stands now, all of the humiliation goes to the custodial parent. It's the Custodial Parent that has to apply for welfare, losing their dignity and self respect along the way. Everything just rolls off the deadbeat's back, they never feel a thing. And, because of the privacy acts, garnishments and other attachments are kept hush-hush. We need to throw the humiliation back where it belongs, with the deadbeat. You can't force someone to have a conscience....but you can force them to face society once and for all. Again, this is for extreme cases only.
Editorials (my own)
4/29/97 - You know, I've mostly gotten very good response. And it makes me feel really good to be able to help those who need it. But I am appalled. Not only that these "parents" have made a decision to not pay child support. But the length that they go to in order to not pay. We're not talking about someone who simply doesn't make enough money to match the child support ordered. If that's the case, then all the non-custodial has to do is prove assets/debts and have his child support lowered. No, I'm talking about the TRUE deadbeat parent. This is the person that would go to the trouble to creating a webpage that would not only encourage others to not pay, but teach them the loopholes in the laws in which to do it. They come up with every excuse, creating a great cloud to coverup their guilt...using typical "blame the victim" tactics to divert attention away from them and the true issue......which is quite simply......YOU BROUGHT A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD. YOU HAVE A MORAL, LEGAL AND ETHICAL OBLIGATION TO PROVIDE AT LEAST HALF OF THE CHILD'S EXPENSES. These expenses include food, clothes, rent, day care, transportation, medicine, vitamins, and other everyday expenses. THERE IS NO EXCUSE THAT YOU CAN COME UP WITH THAT WILL ERASE THIS FACT. It simply comes down to this, IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO PAY FOR YOUR FAIR SHARE OF THE CHILD'S EXPENSES, THEN WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE TO HAVE YOUR RIGHTS REVOKED. END OF STORY. If you don't agree, then you look the child in the eye and tell THEM why they don't deserve to live above the poverty level, only because you refuse to pay child support. So, keep making excuses, and keep your web pages, cause we'll continue to close each loophole you use. We'll tighten the net so tight that you won't be able to go anywhere without having to face up to your responsibilities or have your parental rights revoked. I've been civil about this until now. But I'm tired of excuses, and hearing the same old b.s. from deadbeats who don't want the responsibility of being a father. You want to visit and not pay. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Deadbeats are nothing but selfish people, who never grew up. I won't call a male deadbeat a man because a true man treasures his responsibilities. (Women deadbeats are no better, just selfish little girls). So, don't bother sending me hate mail. If you can read through my material and still call me greedy or any other name....especially when I'm just as fair to the men in the same situation or in a TRULY unfair situation in which he truly cannot afford what was ordered, but WANTS to pay, and help them out just as much as the woman who gets nothing. It's not the gender issue that the deadbeat makes it out to be. Like I said, it's nothing more than the simple issue of a person not wanting pay child support for a child he helped to create. Why? Because he's angry with the custodial parent. Who's hurt? The children, but the deadbeat ignores that fact, only looking at what's good for him/her. I'm tired of children being used as pawns in these sick games. It's time for custodial parents to band together who are in this situation or those who can empathize with us, learn the specific laws of our states, and contact our state legislators and demand that tougher laws are passed. WE MUST STITCH UP EACH LOOPHOLE AVAILABLE TO AND USED BY THE DEADBEATS. We have to stop letting these deadbeats think that the government will take over their responsibilities. We have to let the 800,000 or more women and children - on the welfare roles only because of a non-paying parent - regain their dignity and self-respect. And if that means taking away the deadbeat's parental rights......is the child really that worse off? Especially if the custodial parent won't receive child support anyway. You can't lose what you never had. My son has blossomed wonderfully since he's not had contact with his deadbeat father. His grades have improved, and his personality has too. He's happy and content, because he no longer has that negativity in his life, nor does he face the disappointments that he always received as the result of his father breaking promises and his heart. So, it's time to sign the petition, contact your legislators, and start demanding that better legislation be passed. DEMAND IT FOR THE NATION'S CHILDREN!!!! IT'S TIME TO TAKE ACTION!!
Some last bits of rambling and food for thought:
Maybe it's time we as the viewing public decide once and for all to stop watching trash TV. I'm talking about shows like Inside Edition , Extra and other shows that just serve to exploit those in pain. I'm tired of seeing the same stories night after night with reporters that would never make it on the real news and people they interview that real reporters wouldn't go near. I've changed the channel, I hope you'll join me and do what you can to get these shows off the air. They only contribute to the negativity plaguing this country.
This is a special message to anyone out there that is dealing with the diagnosis of AIDS, especially in the later stages. Please, please, if there is someone close to you - someone that's been there for you for many years, someone that you have a special friendship/love with, then please do both of you a favor, and don't exclude that person from your life and pain. The person that you are most afraid of rejecting you, will most likely be the one to want to help you. And the worst is, if you exclude them altogether, then if G-D forbid you die, you rob both yourself and your friend of a last goodbye. And take it from experience, there's nothing more painful than no goodbye, and nothing but questions that can never be answered.
I've been on the internet for about 4 yrs now (geez). I started out on a local board, and hesitantly talked to people in my city. I met some nice people. Talked to more people, and except one exception or two, the people have been great. It started out as a way for intelligent folks to gather after hours or to do business during the day....a way to communicate with literally the world. At the press of a button you can be talking to any random person in any random city or country. You may see eye to eye or differ in opinion, but each opinion was respected. Then, suddenly one day, it started a slow process. More and more people have discovered being online and all of a sudden you've got every wacko and psychotic out there, and now the few intelligent people out there have to wave through all thee idiots just to get one lousy thought together. There doesn't seem to be one place you can go online without someone starting an argument for the sole purpose of pissing people off and watching the wave reaction. I've sat here for about a month now, watching in amazement how people on the internet are now so predictable and highly sensitive because we're pretending to be people we're not, and the fear of someone finding us out is horrifying. But what's even more horrifying are those who aren't pretending to be anyone other than themselves, the ones that daily spew hate and venom, trying in vain to get people to believe something if you yell it enough times. Sometimes they're right, thank goodness most times they're wrong. But the problem still remains. We've let the bigots and haters who hate themselves.....and it's sickening. With all that could be accomplished via the internet, society is instead used for idle gossip and defiling people. Instead of CNN or the other major networks projecting their image on the internet, the internet is dictating what they're reporting. Scary thought. The internet is full of everything that the most base and vile float to the top, while the rest of us hide scared underground. And it's also easy to see how a Tim McVeigh can happen. You've got site after site, and if you key in a word on the search engine you come up with a million references.....keep following hate after hate site, find a site that explains how to build a bomb...people can better hide their hatred in reality and bare it all in anonymity. But eventually, the two are going to explode in someone, who's baring all their hatred behind the screen and in public. . People who are so full of hate and anger at their life, that not only harassing me thru my website, but harassing government officials..not to mention adding every name off the internet they can get....spams their mail daily with a hatred for the government, hatred for women that divorce men and expect child support. If they're spewing this much hate over the internet can you imagine what they're doing at home in front of his kids?? So, is this a good thing that we have now, this internet technology? We've known quite a while that it was coming. Enough movies were made about possible outcomes. I sure hope this is when the news takes over and reminds us of the course of action and direction this country is taking, and other serious programs on tv or at least entertainment that didn't cater to the lowest common denominator would again dominate the entertainment and everyday world. That people are policed on the internet is a necessity. They could be a stalker, or just a time bomb about to go off. On a bulletin board this woman that not only would bite the child back, (some parents touch their teeth to their kid's arm - I never could) but describes such a horrible, excruciating explanation of abuse she does to her child. (She said that "she bit the child as hard as she could just short of drawing blood - because she didn't draw blood it wasn't abuse") I've been around the world, seen many countries. But now I think I've seen too much, constantly thinking "that's a little more information than I really wanted to know." I'd like to go back to my life, back in my city, in my neighborhood, before I could talk to people anonymous.
However, I met my new husband on the internet. I guess it can't be all that bad.
Smiles,
Carol
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LISTINGS FOR EACH STATE THAT HAS LEGISLATION AVAILABLE ON THE WEB!!
New! US CODE TITLE 18 SECTION 228
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Expert answers to the letters page!!