This page Last update 7/30/98
Attention!! An expert provides answers to some of the letters below!
Last updated 5/29/98
Click on the above link
I will be printing letters that I receive. Unless otherwise told, I will NOT put any names. It's important to get things going so I guess this is how we'll start. Please continue to write, especially if you have any ideas on how to get everyone together and toss around some ideas. I'm VERY serious about all of us pursuing better legislation for our kids. Thanks again for all of your letters and continue to write. Newest letters are first. Before attempting to print out this page, be forwarned that it is a very long page and will take many pages to print out. I could split it into several pages, but the effect is more astounding if it's one after another after another.......
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This letter will stay up top for awhile, since it contains very important hints and tips.
Subj: Hello from California...update
Date: 5/28/98 12:23:21 PM Central Daylight Time
Dear Carol, It's been awhile since I''ve written to you. Had a few minutes, so I thought I would let you know of how one case is proceeding through the legal system of child support enforcement.
A quick summary....child and I live in California. Court order is from California. Non payor lives in Missouri. Child support is for $695/month. Non payor has earnings history of $100; Has an MBA from a good university. Ex has not paid one cent of support. Does not see or visit child by his own choice. Our son is 6.
California filed criminal charges in Feb 1998. Our law provides for criminal charges under our Penal Code 270; Misdemeanor. Ex did not appear for his arraignment. Judge issued a bench warrant; $10,000 bail. No extradition due to it only being a misdemeanor. Ex abandoned child; hiding in Missouri.
I was getting NOWHERE with CSE in Missouri. Interstate cases are a nightmare as you know... I made many phone calls and letters asking why my case had not been sent to the Prosecuting Attorney for criminal prosecution. Missouri has tough laws. It is a class D felony when a parent is in arrears of more than $5,000. My ex is currently close to $25,000 in arrears.
After refusing to go away....I finally talked to the Director of Social Services in Missouri. As soon as they hear you on the phone, you can almost hear them thinging, "oh, no, not another whining mom...." However, I told them I was not asking for anything other than what the law provided. I told them California had already filed criminal charges...what was the hold up in Missouri. My letters started out, "Missouri...a haven for deadbeats?" The result? A "computer error". Of course, the CSE workers could never be responsible.....just the computer. Actually two errors.
1. Incorrect amount of arrears entered in the computer. Computer showed $4,878; actual amount close to $20,000 at the time.
2. Wrong court order entered into the system. Initial order for child support was made in December of 1996. The only court order they had input was May of 1997.
Talk about frustrating.... The error was corrected.
The Prosecuting attorney went to the judge and got a warrant for his arrest. He was arrested at his home 2 days later. He was taken to the county jail (St. Louis area) where he stayed 3 nights until he posted bail. Amazing....a man who has "no money to send for child support" was able to come up with $500 cash to get himself out of the county jail. It was a cash bond. He could not use a bailbondsman.
The PA told me that under state law, they can put a lien on the cash bond, which they have done. At the conclusion of the legal proceedings....I will actually get the $500 towards arrears. How cool is that?! I had no idea that they could do that. I'm sure my ex didn't either; otherwise he would have had someone else put the bond in their name.
Of course, the bond is to insure his presence at future court hearings, but I am sure that he will show up. He also hired a private attorney to represent him. Again, interesting that he came up with retainer money for a defense attorney.
At his arraignment he pled "not guilty". PA says this is what they all do. Sometimes they make this plea and then start making payments. Then when they appear before the judge, it looks good for them that they have started to make payments. However, I have not received any money since he was arrested.
His preliminary hearing is in July. Possible outcome is 5 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections; and up to $5,000 fine. Of course, you and I know THAT will never happen. But, FINALLY, he is being brought before a judge and held accountable for his actions. There is never a guarantee of justice; however, it feels good to know that SOMETHING is being done.
I know you went through your son being arrested. Did it actually go to trial? Or did he plea guilty and get probation. I am curious as to how the rest of the proceedings will go... Any thoughts on this?
ACES has been of some assistance. They are not hand holders; but the resources have been helpful. Their addresses and phone numbers and names of people to contact have been accurate.
I am glad that your computer is working again! Hope all is well on your end..
Another example of what happens when you follow my advice, stay on top of them to the point of being a pest if you have to, so you stay a name and not a number. Plus educating yourself on the statutes of your state regarding all aspects of child support. It takes time and effort, but.....it eventually cuts down majorly on the time frustration when you constantly spin your wheels. I've been preaching (if that's the right word) this since I started this website. It's nice when I can show the results. Thanks, you've helped more people that you know. <G>
A sheriff here in Alabama came up with the idea to put the dead beat parent behind bars, then took them for an interview at a chicken plant , everyday the deputy took the dead beat to and from work locking them back down every night, therefore taking away all pleasures in life .This goes on until the arrearage is paid in full. I admire this man , he really knows how to deal with dead beats.
That's great! It takes away the excuse of "being no value in jail because they could be out earning money.....but they're faced with jail because they *refuse* to go out and earn money. Cuts that catch 22 into a "gotcha covered." I hope I can find this sheriff, sounds like he could contribute a lot here.
I have been in the court system with my ex and he is now up to 21,000. Although FL does revoke licenses ect I find what has to be changed is to take it out of civil and place it in criminal. My ex lives in Broward County, Fl and I do too. He has not fled and he keeps his visitations he just doesn't want to give me any money to help support the kids. The 11.5 yrs we were married he made an avg of 100,000.00 per yr but since the divorce he claims he cannot make hardly any money. He has his own business and can hide very well. The system does not help me..i need to hire a PI,lawyer, ect to prove he has "the ability" to pay. He even says he doesn't pay rent! What I feel is missing from your petition is this...When arrears get to a certain dollar amount regardless of where the NCP lives..it should no longer be in family/civil court. It should be criminal court. There are to many loopholes for these NCP to jump through in civil court. Also, this "ability" to pay guideline is a crock! It should be...have you eaten today? Well, if you ate today..you have the ability to pay child support. Are you wearing cloths today? Then you have the ability to pay. Please include me in any mail list info you have. Thank you!
Thank you very much, you're quite right. Moving it from Civil to Criminal court is what's missing, and I shall add that to my petition. I suggest that you call your state legislator, and ask for an appointment. Before the appointment, find your statutes that have the time period for taking away the licenses, and draft an amendment that says in effect "if no further reasonable attempts are made by the Deadbeat in 3 months from license forfeiture, then the Custodial Parent/Courts have the option to file a motion to move the case from Civil to Criminal Court." Go in with the drafted proposal, and have the legislator clean it up for you. And as I've said before, if the first legislator blows you off, just simply call another. I suggest the same to everyone around the country.
Wow! I just got through reading many letters from parents in the same boat I'm in. My story is that my ex left the state the day the divorce was final. At that time he was about $1,500 is arrears and now three years later he owes over $9,000. I'm not asking for that much (24% of the total combined income at the time of the divorce) but he has consistently felt that since I make a good wage, why should he bother. He should bother because it is his legal and moral responsibility that's why!! He has not had any contact with his daughter since she was fourteen months old and she is always asking why he left (she is now 5) What these parents (?) are doing to the kids is awful - public humiliation is not enough when you start thinking how this is effecting our children. Thanks for listening.
I read your post and boy does it sound familiar my sons father is about 1600 dollars behind in child support as of a week ago. But unfortunately that's not the worst since none of his rights have been taken away he's suing me for custody claiming that my new husband and I abuse my son.If you were to see my son you would know that this is totally untrue my son has no bruises he's not scared or shy he is a perfectly healthy 2 year old he has meet all the developmental milestones earlier than expected right now he is trying to put sentances together. As for how well my son is provided for let's put it this way in the last 3 months I've spent nearly 230 dollars on baby clothes another 150 on diapers and about 167 on toys and somewhere around 138 on trying to find healthy foods a toddler will actually eat oh yeah and don't forget the converse sneakers all so my son will have the best. forget the fact that my best clothes come from Wal-Mart as for living conditions we own a 2 story house on a nice street we have a good sized back yard with a pool bought just for my sons enjoyment our house is clean safe and my son even has his own room. As for how much we love my son lets put it this way I stayed at home with my son till he was 20 months old I just went back to college to get my pschology degree My husband has raised my son since he was two months old and when asked says that this is my son not my step son. My husband has spent many nights setting up with my son so that I could get some rest only to get up and go to work that next morning. My husband has changed many a dirty diaper been spit up on made many a bottle at 2 am all the things that make a man a daddy but he's also been there for all the good things crawling setting up first steps first words first holidays. You may be wondering why I have'nt talked about my taking care of my son maybe thats because I'am a mom and it does'nt seem to me like I'am doing anything out of the ordinary or special.I feed clothe change bath and play with my son I also discipline keep safe clean up after and teach my son not only those things but I'am also my sons maid doctor teacher driver swim instructer EMT dentist and daily planner. Mom is the one who takes baby for walks in his stroller makes funny faces and talks funny she's the one who soothes his bobo's and does all the other things mothers are expected to do And what about his biological father or as I like to refer to him the sperm donor well lets start from the begining he was not there the day his son was born his was sleeping with his fifteen year old girlfriend (he was 20 at that time) his mother had to force him to show up at the hospital he then preceded to deny his son untill a court ordered test proved that he was 99.99 precent likely to be the father he has given my son two gifts since he was born one of wich was stollen he does not work but maybe five moths out of the year he lives in his mothers basement or with his teenage girlfriend untill her mother throughs him out he rarely appears at court hearing about child support and when he does claims that if he had joint custody he would consider paying when he does pay I get a check for 53 dollars a month and and when he does have visitation with my son my son comes home in his seven month old cousins diapers with a bleeding diaper rash. All this and he claims to be the better parent that he should now have full costudy and that my visitations with my baby should only be once a month in his mothers home or under the suppervision of a social worker can anybody tell me what since does this make??? Sincerely one pissed off mom
It's so sad that your story isn't even shocking. I will never understand how a person can bring a child into the world, then not care about the child's welfare. This is a truly depressing statement on our culture. I work at a mental health center. One of the women I serve has chronic schizophrenia. She is a single mother, raising 3 children. She has had multiple hospitalizations, but thank God. She has not had a psychotic episode in the past few years. The Father of her last 2 children is somewhat helpful, but it is the Father of her 1st child that I'm writing about. She is married to this man (probably around 17 or 18 years ago.) This man came from Nigeria. He quite probably married her so that he could become a citizen. He moved her from her home and family in the South, to New York City. He was very crule to her. Between the culture shock of moving from a close-knit rural community to NYC, and the abuse she received, she ended up having a psychotic episode. He dumped her off at the hospital, and was never seen again. She was pregnant at the time. When she was released from the hospital, her poor old Mother had to make the frightening trip to NYC by bus, to collect her daughter and grandchild.
This man is living in this country, with all of it's benefits, and his wife and child have been cast aside like old clothes. I would like to correct this injustice, but don't know how to go about doing it. She is on welfare, so she can't afford a P.I. She doesn't even know his social security number. When she got out of the hospital, everything he had was gone. Any help or advise would be appreciated. You are my first try. I haven't had a chance to go through the rest of your web site yet, but I will. Thank you for your time.
To date, after 10 years of raising my children without support from their Dad, he has accrued $52000.00 in court ordered back child support due..He lives in the next town over, sees his children maybe once a month for a day or two, Child Support Enforcement has had my case for this entire period and has done nothing to assist me. The system does not work for me, as I am a self employed business professional making 40k a year and am not dependent on the state or government in anyway for assistance. It is my belief that my children deserve the very best in life and I am the one to give it to them. I have learned to let go of my bitters but feel that for women who may not have the skill and education and sales savvy that I have been blessed with, and that I have Worked Very Hard to acquire, are living in a means no one woman and her children should have to bear. My biggest dillemma right now is trying to get caught up on my taxes. Federal and State. I am being slammed with penalties and interest so steep that I can't get ahead. This is a travesty when our State and Federally funded agencies aren't doing their job to get Dad to pitch in his share yet can come at me so heavy when I am doing the job of two people. Any comments or suggestions are welcomed. Good luck to all you hard working Moms and remember, you will be remembered by your children later in life for all you do for them!!!
Peace and Love.
Dear Ms. Levy,
I found your web site (like most people) out of need to know the Child Support "rules of engagement", since I too am having to deal with an uncooperative NCP. My situation is unique in that I am remarried and a military dependent who moves frequently. My children's father is in the state of Hawaii which complicates matters because the Child Support Enforcement Agency in Hawaii is slow to resolve collection of delinquencies and arrearages, much less monthly court ordered child support. If the NCP pays a mere token of what is court ordered for child support, the CSEA of Hawaii does not pursue the full amount. Through much correspondence with the CSEA of Hawaii I have managed to resume receiving a small portion of the child support ordered for my children, after receiving nothing for 7 months. This while the NCP has arrearages totaling $19,000+ and with no intentions of paying the court ordered child support amounts. My only request to you would be to included ANY information or addresses specifically related to Child Support Agency of Hawaii. Thank you for ALL the information you have made available, I truly admire all you have done!
Yes, Hawaii is one state that I can't find clear statutes online for. If I am able to come up with any information specific to Hawaii I would be more than happy to forward it to you.
Subj: Moms can be deadbeats, too...
Date: 5/29/98 7:01:06 PM Central Daylight Time
I recently discovered your website and thought it was great. Except for one crutial point. A deadbeat mom can be just as bad, if not worse, than a deadbeat dad. I am a 35 year old MAN and have custody of my three boys. I gained custody of my children in Walker county Georgia were it was almost unheard of for a man to receive custody of children when the mother is still alive. But, through hard work and dedication to my children, I did just that. In 1987 the judge awarded me full custody. There was no child support awarded at that time. It was like everyone was saying "here they are, do what you can!".
Earlier in '97 the boys mother and I divorced. Before the divorce was final she had custody of the boys and I was required to pay $75.00 per week child support to her. She wouldn't let the boys come out of the house to see me until she had the cash in her had, and not one single time did I get to take all three boys at the same time. She would say one was sick each time I came to pick them up. Their mother had a very good job at this time and made almost tripple what I did per hour. No child support was awarded to me, but I was awarded the privledge of paying her attorney fees. In 1988 I met someone special. I remarried in 1989. And later moved to Whitfield county Georgia. Seven years after the divorce my ex-wife move to Whitfield county also. I took her to court and was awarded $75.00 a week for child support which began in May of 1994. She never made the first payment until October of that same year. She was served papers and spent a night in jail until she paid $1575.00. She did not make another payment until early the following year when we took her back to court again. She made sporatic paymets from then on. In the summer of 1995, she moved to Biloxi, Mississippi (while chasing what later became her fourth husband--yes, I was the first!). She would only come to see the boys about once every two or three months. In the summer of 1996 I was trying to take her back to court. She knew that I was in the process of taking her back to court. She came into town & got the boys for a two week visitation in August 1996. She hasn't been back since. October of 1996 an arrest order was issued for contempt--a big help on this was when her new husband called our attorney and said that she had not intentions of appearing in court. She could not get her own attorney for any of this since three previous attorneys since the divorce had not been paid for their services. Since this time she has not come into town once to she the children.
The only contact that she has with the boys is telephone conversations and 90% of those are when they call her. And as they get older the phone calls to Mississippi are getting fewer & fewer. She had promised the boys a Nintendo 64 for Christmas 1996. She claimed that she had purchased one and mailed it to them. The never received it. Later she changed her story and said that the stores were sold out. After a year of waiting for a gift from their mother that was obviously not going to come, my new wife purchased one and gave it to the boys for Christmas of 1997.
WE ALL KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE SCHOOL FIELD TRIPS HAVE BECOME! In 1997 the boys called her to see if she would send them some money to help with the cost of a particularly expensive trip. She refused to send them anything, she said that was why she paid child support. (haha) This past March the twins had another trip to go on and decided to try one more time. We were all surprised to find a $100.00 check in the mail about a week after they called her. Well, two weeks later the check was in the mail again--this time it was stamped NSF. Today she is almost $9,000.00 behind in her support payments. There doesn't seem to be anything that the state of Georgia will or can do because she is out of state. They say that they are trying to get Mississippi to help, but it has been over 2 months and we have not heard anything on this. The kids seem to be doing just fine without her. One is going to be a high school senior this next year (he has a GPA of 3.7!!!) and the twins will be freshmen.
If anyone could help me with this I would greatly appreciate it. The point of all of this is that it is not just men. Women can forget their responsibilities also. I would appreciate any responses to this posting.
Oh, believe you me, I know how bad females can be when it comes to being Deadbeats. It's not a gender issue, it's an issue of responsibility and that's what I stress emphatically all over my website. I think you need to make sure that an order was initiated for UIFSA in Mississippi to enforce collection. This is your link between the two states. When President Clinton signs the newest law passed in the Senate recently, it will finally become a felony to flee the state simply to avoid paying child support. This may be hard to prove in your case, but it will still be a felony for her to stay behind in her payments. It is only a misdemeaner now, and this is why there's so little cooperation. Two months is a small amount of time in the child support scheme of things. Continue to call everyone you need to, constantly. Stay a name instead of a number. If all else fails. call the Attorney Generals office. One reader go so frustrated that she finally took my advice to educate herself on her state statutes, and in so found a couple of statutes dealing with non-action by the state. In contacting the Attorney General's office the first time, she got non-action there too, until she called them back with this legislation information and then the help couldn't be given fast enough. (Letter above) Please keep in touch!
Hi, I found your web site and it is excellent. My ex adopted my son and a year later we divorced (he liked to drink and chase other women). Not long after the divorce he fled the USA and went to another country where there was/is no reciprocity - so I could not legally force the collection of child support. He remained out of the USA for a very long time and during that time my son has long since reached the age of majority and is now in his early 30's. I only recently have been able to locate the deadbeat after all these years! The adoptive father is back in the USA and in business and doing very well financially. It is my understanding that there is no statute of limitation concerning child support and I have all the legal documents concerning my case. I would like to collect all the child support plus interest which is owed to me. However, since my son and I have never been on welfare the state is not very cooperative in my situation - since they don't get a cut of the money collected - my case has no priority. Is there a legal remedy for a situation like mine? Can I lawfully collect what is owed to me and my son, and, if so, how do I go about accomplishing this? This man also abandoned 2 other children by two other women - he does not take his responsibilities seriously.
To say the least! You have to check with your state's laws as per whether and/or how long the statute of limitations applies. Some states do have such limitations, ranging from 2-10 years. If you are in a state where the statute of limitations haven't run out, then you could file a civil suit against your ex. I wouldn't hold my breath though, if he hasn't paid anything in over 30 years, I'd expect him to run again. But this is a loan that you made to him, by paying his half of child support up front. It's worth a shot, but you'll have to go it alone since the children are adults now. You can't really expect the system to help you, especially with the backlogs. I usually advise Custodial Parents to drop the issue after so long, which I do advise you to do. But it must be remembered that by not paying the child support, the Deadbeat has in effect taken out a loan with the Custodial Parent since it's the CP that has paid the NCP's half of Child Support up front.
My ex is 4 years and 20,000 (?) including interest behind in child support. We divorced in Colorado and he "ran away" back to New York. It took me 2 years in and out of courts before he finally threw his hands in the air and left. He had 4 contempt hearings before all this and neveronce went to jail. The judge always told him to pay a portion of what he owed or continued the hearings. He now has absolutely no contact whatsoever with his son.
I have enrolled with CSE - but they seem to have the same lackadaisical attitude the courts had. I have given them all of my ex's relatives in New York, but to date (almost a year) they have produced no tangible results, and of course they never, ever, ever talk to you in person.
I am sick of the run around. I am sick of people telling me to get over it and realize I will never get anything. I am sick of everything. Why is it so friggin hard to get anyone to help? Why do I have to pay someone to post his name in the internet. I have to pay for any service I receive when I should never have to pay anything.I am not the one doing something wrong here yet every time I seek help - everyone stands around with their hand out wanting more money.
Sorry, don't mean to take it out on you. It just makes no sense. I even have judgements I cannot collect.
Good grief and we wonder what is the matter with our kids today...........Thanx for your site. Unfortunately, I realize I am not alone....................
I recently browsed your website. I was happy to see that I was not alone in my battle to obtain child support. My child is 4 years, her father has only seen her 5 times. The last time was 20 months ago. He will even tell you that I have never kept him from his daughter. This is all of his own doing. May 12,1998, he will stand before a Judge in our county, for sentencing on criminal non support of a dependant charges. He is a felon in the state of ohio. Our child support enforcement agency (csea) does next to nothing to help custodial parents unless they are on welfare. I knew the state law; 26 weeks of support missed in any two year period....you are a felon. Our agency wants to keep dragging these deadbeats in and out of civil court. And when asked to be sent to the prosecutors office, we are told that the prosecutor doesn't want us there. I gave them no choice. When I recently mentioned that to our prosecutors office, I was told to give their number to any custodial parent who is having a hard time with our lovely agency, and she would get to the bottom of all of this. the bottom line is, if you don't know the laws, the agencies can fill your head with crap and get away with it. I made them put daddie on the deadbeat poster. I made them turn my case over to the prosecutors office. I am not where I am at now because of any thing our csea has done for me. They fought me tooth and nail. I am now collecting a little money. He is afraid of what they might do do him. Yes, there is the possibility that he is going to receive 5 years reporting probation, but if he skips.....the next move is jail. I would like to inform any one in the state of ohio that is having a hard time collecting child support to just remember this; 26 WEEKS OF MISSED PAYMENTS IN ANY 2 CONSECUTIVE YEAR PERIOD=CRIMINAL. IF YOUR LOCAL CSEA WILL NOT HELP YOU, CALL YOUR COUNTY PROSECUTORS OFFICE.
Thank you very much. You've done exactly what needs to be done. That old cliche is so true, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. Whenever I relied on the beaurocracy I always got burned, until I only dealt with supervisors or the district supervisors.
Ive finally gotten the nerve to tell someone my story. I have two children and I work full time so I am not on government assisstance of any kind. I haven't received child support this time since October, but in total I'm owed $8006.06. Since the court order in 1995 it's never been under $5000.00. I'm registered with a government collection agency which doesn't help one bit. I know exactly where the father is all the time as he sees his children every other weekend. I report all employment changes to this agency and they seem to do nothing. It has taken three months to get them to send a notice of garnishee to the newest employer and I cannot be sure that this has actually happened. I now keep a journal of all agents names and their agent numbers, but this doen't feed my children or pay the rent. The father lives 200 hundred miles from us(he moved not us) recently he tried to send the girls home on a greyhound bus (they are 6 and 7), I refused this idea and he threatended me that I would have to start driving the 200 hundred miles to pick them up. He pays no support how would I ever afford this, I can hardly afford to drive to work. On this note I may have to start to restrict their visits, which I've never wanted to do. Also he never showed up to court for the custody hearing, so I was awarded total custody. Thank you for letting me unload. If you now where or how I can get help in Canada please advise -
I tried emailing you at the address you provided but it came back unknown. I have a link on my website - on the main page - to a free service for Canadian custodial parents.
I was so relieved to find a web page on Dead Beat Dads. I suppose I'm luckier than some whose letter I read...but, it took me the first eleven years of my son's life to find my ex. He never paid a dime from the time he was born and we were legally married up to the time my son and his was 18 months old. When "I" found him (the state systems couldn't find him). I was able to have his wages garnished for the first time. Only because he got a job in the state I lived--dealing between states was a nightmare. It's been four years that the state collected his measly $55.00 a week ($50.00 toward his present obligation and $5.00 a week on his past due $18,000.00--my son's grandchildren would never see all that money!) I just found out two weeks ago that he left his job December 12th 1997 and has moved out of state. I've had it, my son and his who I have 90% supported if not more, will be going to college in a two and a half years. I am going to hire a private agency this time--I don't care if I only get half--now it's the principle of the matter...dead beat dads watch your back, cuz I'm over you, over the situation, it's time to pay...today! If you go to jail..oh well. And that threat that you would kill me someday if I ever tried to mess with you...it worked when I was twenty-one..I'm thirty-seven and I say let's rumble.
It's amazing the tactics some people will take, from evading CS to downright threats of bodily harm It's rediculous that anyone would have to put up with such B.S., but that doesn't mean that anyone receiving such harassment has to put up with it! This goes for either gender......
Hi, I am a single mother of a 10 year old boy who's father has not paid court-ordered child support in over 9 years. My story is lengthy as you can imagine after 9 + years of wrangling with a system completely out-of-whack. I just yesterday sent off an application to a private child support collection agency after all these years of dealing w/ an unresponsive District Attorney's office. I am not a welfare receipient so as far as the DA's office is concerned, they can justifiably put my case at the bottom of their priority list. After all, they have been attempting to collect child support from a deadbeat (who also happens to be a judge's son)! who moved out of state to avoid taking any responsibility for his child financially or emotionally. Anyway, I could go on and on. I am very interested in having discussions with anyone in this situation who has been an unwilling participant in the current child support collection "game".
Hi Carol!!! Well, after the deadbeat was arrested December 30, 1997 with a bond amount of $7145.25 (child support past due as of 1 Oct), he sat in jail for 1 week, finally saw the hearing officer that reduced it to $1555.00 (with my approval - it would be impossible for him to come up with $7145 in cash just like THAT!)...and 2 days later (friday) , he paid it!!!!. I haven't gotten the money yet from the Florida Child Support Enforcement, it will probably take a couple of weeks at least for it to get here at Okinawa Japan. I cannot believe that he finally paid something. I guess when it comes right down to his comfort, he will "find" the money....\ In Florida's investigation, they found where he also owned a luxury boat....talk about being poverty-stricken!!! So, needless to say, we have been dancing around the living room here!!!! It just goes to show that perserverance WORKS!!!! Florida also says that he HAS to pay towards his child support every week, or they will issue another warrant..... This guy HAS the ability to pay, just not the conscience.....
SO..... it just goes to show that a quitter never wins!!!
I absolutely love happy endings!! It also shows the possible end result to those who are just starting the process. There is indeed a ray of light at the end of the tunnel.
I am a single parent trying to raise 2 toddlers. I haven't seen a dime of child support in 6 months. I continue to let their father have visitation hoping he will develop some type of responsibility (ha ha). I have a job therefore I am not eligible for any type of state or county aid. I drive 120 mile round trip a day just to make ends meet. I would like to try and get some attention to people like me who fall into the gray area. I know where my soon to be ex-husband lives, however, he doesn't work and won't. Everything he's making is under the table and the DA cannot do anything. I don't think I can do much, however I would like to help change these crappy law to help the people who are not living on welfare. Please Help
Maam, you don't know my situation. he has already terminated his rights as a father, but those 4 kids need money to survive. I'm their cousin and they live with their maternal granmother,their mother is dead, because their father the dead- beat dad killed her. We have bee in and out of courts for 3yrs now. He was acqitted of the murder due to jury-tampering which needs to be investigated. He walks through life so easily, he has gotten away with murder, also stalking and harassing his children PPO violations everything, the only justice we have is that those kids are with us, the court gave us that nd it was a miracle. So his rights as a father have been terminated, he doesn't care to live or be with his kids, but we think he deserves to pay. If he can hire his high paid attorneys ddrive fancy cars, and sell his bg home that was my cousins until he murdered her and forcd her to sign it over. Its a crazy case. We need some Justice and child support is what we need for those kids futre. Thanks for writing me
What can you say to a situation like this? If anyone out there have any ideas, please write me. Geez, I'd like to help.
Well I'm having alot of problems with my daughters father. I never receive my full child support payment. I am suppose to receive $80.00 a week plus half for medical, clothing etc. They garnish his paycheck but since he is a waiter he hides alot of his money. So I get checks for $40.00 range if I'm lucky it could go as high as $60.00. He's in arrears, I lost track of how much. He also does not see her, he calls infrequently. My Jaime suffers in school, because her dad is not around. As a matter of fact they trying to say she has ADD. Jaime took it very hard when we split, especially when we moved out of state. She hardly saw him when we lived in NY, now if she sees him once a year thats alot.
I wrote a letter to family court in both states, asking them to comply with the letter to have his income tax check sent to me. I'm sorry to vent on you: my parents don't understand, courts don't care, my Ex certainly doesn't care. You seem to be a caring person who beleives in this cause, and not everyone should be behind the eight ball.
My situation is probably far from unique, but I am hoping that someone out there may be able to come up with some ideas to track down my ex. My son is a senior in high school. He has not heard from his father since his eighth birthday. The state of Hawaii was garnishing his wages prior to 1993, and I received support for several months. Since I reside in the state of Oregon, it took many weeks of waiting for the district attorney's offices to get things squared away. Unfortunately the support didn't last long. He is now in arrears of $12,000. The Clackamas County District Attorney's office has closed my case because the "noncustodial parent has not been located in over 3 years". They have told me that they will re-open it if I can provide them with any new information. His family in California, although sympathetic, are denying any knowledge of his whereabouts. I am sure they know where he is. This is how he has avoided being caught. He is working for a man named Michael Cichy who buys houses, fixes them up, and re-sells them. My ex-husband helps him and gets paid under the table. They travel from city to city. They were in San Diego and the San Francisco area a couple of years ago. His mother told me that he was somewhere in New York last year, but she didn't know where. (yeah, right!) Up until now I have survived on my own. My son is a really good kid, and is probably better off for not having any contact with this man. I can't imaging him ever doing this to any of his future children! However, money for college and to help out with car insurance would certainly be nice!! Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you can come up with any suggestions, I will be forever in your debt!! Oh yes, my ex-husband's name is Renrich (Rick) Lanikoa Fernandez. He was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on October 24, 1947.
I always love to hear how "sympathetic" the ex-inlaws are, only their sympathy only goes as far as words. Never any help that's needed.
Well, the other night my ex informed me that he is going to try to seek custody of my four children. He owes $57,000 in arrearages and is mad because they took $1,200 out of his check this month. He is still in Florida, and they finally caught up to him with a wage assignment. The assignment is actually for $4,000/mo., but they can only take so much since he is now remarried and makes less (purposely). If he comes to this city to pursue this custody thing, he would be put in jail since they have a warrant for his arrest. This summer I allowed him visitation with all four children and even allowed him to take them to Florida. I was gracious and the idiot ended up taking pictures of their bedrooms and claiming that their bedrooms were a mess, which he made worse. He gave us about ten minutes warning that he was coming over the night he did to pick them up. Actually, I thought he was coming on Saturday night and it happened to be Friday night when he arrived. Anyway, we were scrambling to get their things together, and yes, their rooms were a bit messy. Not unsanitary by any means. Well, then a few weeks later the Department of Human Services Children's Investigators were at my door. The apartment was clean and they could see that he was obviously a vindictive ex spouse. He didn't care whether we were foreclosed on the house we lived in and then had the nerve to claim that the apartment was a mess and I was, therefore unfit. Never mind the fact that he walked about two and a half years ago with girlfriend and didn't care about the children. It's only when he is "FORCED" to pay that he has this fatherly love. I'll tell you, I think my nerves are shot. When does this ever end?
This letter demonstrates the extent of the mind games that so many of us endure at the hand of Deadbeats. The deadbeat doesn't care, abandons the child, then when the law does finally catch up to them, they do something like this which is just out of rage. Unfortunately, it doesn't end until - in these extreme cases - all ties are cut. Of course, in cutting all ties, you lose your child support...but in some cases, you can't miss what you wouldn't get anyway.
Just finished putting my son to bed. I am so thankful for having such a beautiful child...one day his father will realize that he truly missed out on life's greatest and most satisfying pleasure...raising a child. As much as I hate my ex for the pain he has caused his son, and the grief he has caused me, I just don't see extinguishing parental rights as an option. I have repeatedly told my ex, being a father is much more than paying money; I try to look at it always from my son's perspective. My son would still benefit from having a father, even if I am forced to bear the complete financial responsibility. Even with no barriers to visitation, my son's father still chooses to not participate in any way in his son's life. A true deadbeat. You are 100% right that extreme cases call for extreme measures...put the fathers in jail; take away their pleasures; and rights; but being a father is not a right or an option, it is their responsibility; no matter what. If the courts, and legislature are given another way out, such as taking away their rights from someone who does not really care, and this measure will not tie up federal/state funds to fight this being done, I believe they will opt for this avenue and in the end, a disservice to the children is done. The longer deadbeats refuse to pay, measured in years, the worse it will look for them. I truly believe someday they will have to answer for their years of neglect and irresponsible behavior. We need to unite, just as you advocate, and put pressure on the legislators to spend the funds to enforce the court ordered support. In California, the DA's office is steadily enlarging its staff. There are now 416 employees, compared to 290 this time last year. Supposedly, this legal muscle will be used to exercise authority to file civil and criminal contempt charges against parents who don't pay child support and push for public service hours in lieu of jail time. One example of public service would be outfitting deadbeats with bright orange jumpsuits and pushbrooms and dropped off on highways in Orange County to clean up trash and debris...Personally, I like this idea!! I would love to see my ex, Mr. MBA, who earns $95,000 picking up trash on the highway. An extra judge has been hired, and an additional court room has been set aside for support enforcement. This is the theory anyway, only time will tell how it will play out in reality. I would substitute a paragraph in your petition that would speak to all people, enlarging the support base, emphasizing that all of society pays when the NCP refuses to pay his support. i.e, costs of welfare and medical coverage, tax dollars used to find these deadbeats and make them pay without carrying it through to completion. i.e., pay or be punished to prevent future costs for the same deadbeat. This way it will hit home with more people and more people will sign and legislators will be more inclined to act. These are just ideas and my comments, please don't take them as criticisms. I think you are doing a great job!
Thank you, and with your help, we can tweek the petition making it even better. Thanks for the feedback. :) BTW, what about having the Deadbeat walking in front of their business (if they're working above board) or in their neighborhood, with a sandwich board saying "I'm a Deadbeat Parent, I force you to take care of my kids!" For some, jail is nothing, either they consider it 3 square meals and free room and board, or (in cases like yours where the Deadbeat can afford it ) they have lawyers to get them out too quickly.
I am 27 years old and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Her Father has not paid child support for a year. I have gone online and received name and Addresses and tried to give them to social services to try and help them find him. But, I imagine because I am not on Welfare or on afdc they did not want them. Then when I did send them and called two weeks later to find out what happend . The women there told me that if I would not bother her all the time maybe she would get some work done. It was almost the end of the working day.I feel I have every right to ask what she found out. Finally, I contacted another service who Found My daughters father's Address and Social services had known where he was all this time. They told me that because they do not know where he works they cannot do anything. But they had supended his license. Big Deal. He can have someone else in his family drive him. But most of the time he is not living very far from where he works. Then the supervisor told me that they would file contempt charges. What!Why havent you a long time ago. My Gosh is this the way our system works. I guess people will have to be like me and just go thru Legal aid to get something done. I Think what they should do is pass a Law that if they do not pay their child support that it would go on to bad credit and they could not get a car loan or home loan tell they pay that. What do you think.
Louisiana took the license revokation law a few steps further by also revoking ANY state issued license, including occupational licenses ie: medical license, fishing licenses (fishing is a staple here), etc. If you aren't with AFDC or other welfare programs, then you can report his debt to you on his credit report. You list yourself as a creditor, which you are, and each month that he's not made his payment to you, how much he's in arrears etc. When someone does file for welfare, the state is supposed to do this. (Told to me by a Experian - formerly TRW - representative).
I was, years ago, a CP raising children with no help from a deadbeat dad. Those children are now grown, parents, and one of them, my daughter is now in the same position as I was when I was a young mother. Though my experience was not and is not unique, what strikes me as doubly ludicrous is the fact that the laws are still inadequate and ineffective some thirty-seven years later in the area of the enforcement of child support. I was not nor is my daughter on any public program, but we both suffered after our children's losses. I am saddened as I watch my grandson beam with pride at the bits of attention and material help he is sporadically receiving from his father. I am saddened as I watch his mother working six days a week, so exhausted that she cannot be the mother she wants to be. I was there once and it is even worse today for these cp's. My former son-in-law recently "quit his job". We are not sure yet what that means, but my experience tells me he is sinking further and further away from parental responsibility, though my daughter is optimistic that he will someday do better by the child. Some years back I decided to use my time to develop myself rather than seek out the deadbeat dad. Now I want to help other women and children to receive what is rightfully, lawfully theirs. In some countries men are put in to prison, then their wages are used for child support and their own prison support. They receive a stipend and have no freedom. I think it will take the same serious legal penalties to make a difference here in cases where it is not simply hardship but shrewd and deliberate planning that prevents the ncparent from supporting his children financially first and in any other way beyond the child's simple survival. Let's help these children to be truly proud of their dads by helping their dads to BECOME MEN.
I am a single mom with full responsibility for a 5-year old son. I have not received any child support since 2/96. The father does not participate in his son's life in any way. He has two sons from a prior marriage that he has also abandoned. 3 innocent children are growing up fatherless, without any financial support because this man refuses to take responsbility for his actions. The man made $95,000 in 1995; $95,000 in 1994 and now claims to be unemployed. He has an MBA from Pepperdine University. There are court orders in place. Cases are opened with the DA in California. NCP lives in Lake St. Charles MO and remarried for the 3rd time June 26, 1997. Has stated his intent to have more children with wife #3. Wife #3 knows this man abandoned 3 kids, pays no support, but somehow justifies his (and her actions). (Probably also has a pen-pal on deathrow as her hobby!) I could go on and on...but my intent is to tell you I am interested in joining discussion group and contributing ideas to childcare enforcement reform. There has to be a better way.
I am posting a letter from Indiana. I have 4 kids ages 12, 10, 9, and 7. I have no help from their dad. He is remarried and lives in Mississippi. I have gave his address to the judge and prosecuter plus his phone number. They will do nothing to him. Plus they have warrents out for his arrest for other crimes he has done. Still they don't do anything to find him. I have to go court over his hospital bills that he should pay. They don't look at what i pay for these kids, and how i have busted my ass for 6 years to raise them. I can proudly say that i have graduated from college just this past summer and working on my second degree. I have been hired for a doctorjust recently. The judge says he will garnish my wages if I don't pay anything. Why is it that they can hound my ass about paying these bills and do nothing to him? They know exactly where he is and know his phone number. His parents are from this same county and ignore the fact that he has nothing to do for my kids. They even go see him and take him and his new wife on vacation with them. While his kids are doing without they're out acting like these kids don't exist. What can I do about the court system? Why is it i look like the bad person? If he isn't going to pay anything to help these kids I'd rather him rot in jail and think about what a good dad he has been
Hi. I wanted to thank you for your refreshing and much needed website. In my attempt to find sites similar to yours for the past three weeks I have been horrified to find all the fighting going on in newsgroups/chats etc., where there seems to be some agreement regarding bogus child support laws/enforcement, but I couldn't help but ask myself...how productive are all these fights? They seemed to get off task and delve into men against women/women against men issues. I applaud your efforts to blanket all states with the revocation of licenses due to willful evasion of child support. I live in CA where those laws are suppose to be in order- Although, my exhusband has willfully evaded his court ordered child support payments for over three years now and not a darn thing has happened to him. The child support enforcement agency in my county has been handling the case for years and keeps telling me they are going to arrest him and revoke his licenses, but nothing happens. How can these laws be any good if they are not enforced? How can we make them be enforced? I would like to sign your petition and also ask how your petition or any future ones can address the issue of enforcing these laws. Thanks very much and keep up the good work. I will encourage everyone I know to sign it.
This letter not only points out the frustration of a system not working, but what I've been trying to point out about the newsgroups. In the newsgroups, both extremes have been taking off course and writing about everything EXCEPT what we're there for in the first place, how to work together to make the system work for everyone, especially the kids! cursing each other out and trying to top each other in nastiness doesn't do anyone one bit of good. I only look at them to try to stop some of the newer people from the distress and heartache of trying to "debate" some of those extremists. I know from personal experience how they work to twist every word and try to use them against you. Their venom is poisoness, and we've all been through too much already without them abusing us emotionally also.
Since 1993, my ex has paid no money for the support of his two children. We have become a drain on the system. I cannot buy my children new clothes for school etc. I have sent numerous letters and e-mail to our failed government, but nothing gets done. The last thing our wonderful government did was take my tax return money to pay for a debt that he had encurred the last year that we were married. They felt that since we were married at the time, I owed the money too! Even though he forged my name on the tax return docs. At the moment I work, as I do not want to be on the system, so at present I only get medical. But what I earn covers nothing but rent and day care. I feel that these pigs should be locked up and made to work, and when they are paid, part of the funds should go to the custodial parent until the dead beat parent agrees to start to making some type of payment for their children's welfare. At the moment this man owes me over 70,000.00, what a joke!! Something is very wrong with our system.
Hi, I have been divorced from my kid's deadbeat since April 1985! Out of all these yrs he's paid 4 yrs of support, only because he was in the army, and they made him pay. My ex had lived in a few different states, so I thought that I would have too open up a different case in the state that he lives in. At the end I had 5 different cases open. Anyway, I have called them and told them that they need to close all cases exept one. So, as far as I know they are all closed. The Attorney General has given me the run around for about 8 yrs now, I have given them all the information that they ever need, and they still don't do a dang thing about it. THEY KNOW WHERE HE LIVES TOO!!! I just turned to CSE, I am hoping that they will get him. I know that they charge about 30%, but if I would have to hire an attorney I would have to pay him too, right? I just want him to pay the money that he ows to my children.
Hello Carol, I agree with you on deadbeat dads luckily my childs father pays child support after i had it enforced. But what gets me people think all the child needs is child support my god these children are growing up without a father and in my case my childs father's wife is doing all she can do to rub it in my daughters face that he is being a father to her child and not to my daughter. I wish that we could put their picture on a poster board in town letting their hometown know just what kind of men they are. To me a deadbeat dad is more then not paying child support these sorry sob's are not even acknowleding that they have children.
A very good point. Usually the two go hand in hand, they're so busy hiding they forget the human side of their children that are hurting.
In response to a post of mine on a newsgroup:
And you are a left wing liberal jerk. Go see maybe Clinton might want to meet you.
My reply: Why, thank you for the compliment :)
Thanks for creating your webpage. My sister has two children, live in a DUMP and her ex and his new wife just moved into a new home with two fairly new cars in the driveway. He has hidden assests and worked for cash all his life. He pays only enough to keep his "rights"...and then claims to love them with all his heart....<puke>
These are the older letters
Hi there Carol, Just wanted to drop you a line with a few supportive comments. But first a little about me. I was divorced from my first wife and she (of course) got custody of our two sons. I believe that paying support to one's children is an absolute duty. Even though my EX has made it exceedingly difficult for me to see my sons, I have always done my level best to pay my support on time. I got behind quite a bit while I was unemployed for a year, but both before I lost my job, and since I've gotten my own business started, I've made my support payment the FIRST bill to pay each month. I miss my sons very much and wish that I could find a way to see them, but I'm not willing to drag them through the courts to do it. I believe that "what goes around, comes around." One day my sons will learn the truth that I was prevented from seeing them. BUT, no parent has the right to fail to pay support because their EX is denying their visitation rights. It makes me physically ill, when I hear about parents who refuse to support their children. I remarried about six years ago and have been raising my wife's son from a previous marriage. He was very young when we married and considers me his Dad. His birth father has not even attempted to see him since he was less than three years old. This man paid CS via payroll deduction (Army) until he was discharged. Since then he has paid almost nothing. This #$%^*& ^%$#& is more than $25,000.00 behind. My poor wife has been fighting the system (Texas order, we live in California, father is in Oregon we think) for over 5 years. Oregon knows where he is, but there is always some excuse why nothing ever happens. Even though the court order dictates that he provide my wife with a current address and employer, Oregon will not give her that information. We wanted to get private service of process, but without that info it would be fruitless. Oregon claims that they would be violating the father's privacy rights if they gave out the information. What about my child's right to the support owed to him? Fortunately, my wife and I can provide well enough for both my two children and her son without the support payments. I don't care about the money really. It's the principle of the matter to me. That man owes his little boy that money. That much money, placed invested wisely, could fund a pretty decent college education for my wife's son. Well, I've had enough. I'm gonna find this jerk and drag his little but into the Clackamus County DA's office myself. That's how I found your page. I'm searching all of the leads I have to get his address and employer. I have his Vitals, old address, old employer, SSN, old driver's license number and other info. Any tips would be helpful. Take care. Keep up the good work.
Try to write either D.A.D. and/or RJon, both email addresses are on the main page. D.A.D. has a link there. Take care and good luck. And thanks for the kind comments.
I just stumbled across your page and WOW! So much of what I read reflects my struggle. I have been dealing with this mess for 8 years. My ex is an expert in manipulating the system.Right now my ex is in Nebraska,not paying support since he moved there, and I cant get the Tennessee Dept. of child support to take action! I filed all the papers as soon as he became delequent and nothing has happened for over a year now. I am at the point where I am going to start making some noise to whoever will listen.Maybe then they will do something just to get me to shut up. I agree TOTALLY with what you said about terminating parental rights for gross delequency. My ex pays nothing yet he has the right to take my daughter for the month of July and for a week at Christmas. It gets even better..He is afraid to come back to the state of Tennessee so he sends his wife to pick up my daughter. How is he paying for those plane tickets? Here in TN child support and visitation are seperate issues adn the judges will not hear of limiting the father's rights. I have been to court so many times only to see my ex walk away with a smile because nothing happened to him. I could just scream. What can we do about all this? Can we put all these deadbeats profiles up on the internet for all to see? Whew, sorry to go off like that but my daughter is currently with my ex and I am stewing about all this.
Look on the Detectives against deadbeats site and see if Tennessee has a site up for deadbeats. If not, write your CSE agency and see about having one set up.
Dear Carol, After having a case opened on April 6, 1995 through the D.A.'s office in L.A. California, I finaly have an appointment to be deposed regarding the lack of support for my eight year old daughter, which has been absent since June of 1994. I had nearly given up after unimaginable run-arounds from some of the less friendly employees at the child support division. After countless calls for the first two years to this office; I never received one return call. I tried again in April of this year and spoke to a wonderful lady by the name of Mrs. Tan. She was forthright enough to admit that they had screwed up, even considering the terrific backlog her office faces. I had despaired of ever even having my child's father given a telephone call to pay up by any legal agency. (I was particularly disheartened by all of this because this man was found guilty in the State Juvenile Court in 1991 of molesting our little girl. I won't go into detail here, as I would not like to have my daughter embarrassed but anyone who wants to can refer to case #LK03226 which was concluded in the Superior Court of the State of Ca, County of L.A., Juvenile Division, in July of 1992. This DOESN'T MATTER as far as the state or anyone else is concerned re: the lack of child support...of course it matters to MY CHILD. It matter to ME more than I can say or ever reconcile myself to. I can't even imagine what this means for my child. And, of course, I have to pay the $70.00 per hour fee for the therapist she sees.) Anyway, anguish aside...Mrs. Tan told me something which I have taken to heart and that was, "Don't ever give up." No matter what sort of walls are thrown up, from now on, I'm going to put her words into my policy for pursuing everthing that my daughter legally deserves not to mention morally. She's only got one parent to stand up for her and after all she's been through, I'd only be letting HER down to let it go. I'm glad you're out there. Put my name on the petition and send me all of the e-mail you'd like.
I'd like to meet Mrs. Tan, she sounds like a wonderfully insightful and wise lady. We need more Mrs. Tans out there in the system, maybe we could make some progress if we did. You are also very courageous, you are doing your daughter proud. Unfortunately, until the system changes, more children will continue to fall between the cracks, and unless they have parents like you they will be lost. I applaud you. Please let me know if I can help.
I have 2 deadbeat dads. The first left when our daughter was only 3 months old. I have managed to garnish his wages once. Boy did he throw a fit. He wanted me to PROVE that I was spending the money on our daughter each month! I received 6 checks total. After moving to Colorado, in 1989, I was told by the CSE that since I was not on AFDC and that I made $40,000, that they would not get to my case for 3 years, if ever. I had his parental rights terminated. My 2nd husband adopted her. That's when I found out his real motive. Twelve days after the adoption was finalized, on our 4th anniversary, he asked for a 'separation' and later told me 'now that she is mine, I can take all the kids away from you and you will never see them again!'. There is not enough room to go into the details of a custody battle that lasted nearly 3 years and cost me $72,000. I did win custody in the end and due to a history of abuse, I was able to get a no visitation order. At the time the child support award was given, my ex (#2) was working @ 7-11 for $8/hr. The award was $394 per month for 4 children. He was behind from the moment of the award. He is now a construction journeyman (estimated income of $20 - 25/hr.) and yet he is currently behind $14,000. What adds insult to injury is the fact that he recently bragged that even though the divorce left him nearly bankrupt, he is now debt free! He has a new wife (who does not work by choice) and has no new children. I recently told him that I was going to take him back to court to update the arrearages and garnish his wages. He told me that if I did he would immediately quit his job, move to Colorado and take me to court to get the kids! Although I know that this is an idle threat, it scares me since I have put together a new life for the children and me. He has seen his children 2 times in the last 4 years and those were dumb on my part. I thought that maybe he had changed and would be good for the kids. He told the boys that they could come live with him, all they had to do was get me to do it. Then they could do all sorts of things with him. He also told my kids things that messed up their current home situation when they got back. It is not fair what he does to them. The youngest child couldn't even recognize her father in a photograph. I sent her and he told her that life would always be fun if she could go live with him. Although the only 'father' she had remembered is my current spouse (whom she calls Dad), my ex told her that she was not allowed to call my new spouse Dad because HE was her daddy. The boys were not given their Ritalin because I was "just a lousy parent copping out" and that they didn't NEED the medication when they were with him. The 3 children slept in the same bedroom sans furniture! Yes, I said 3. my daughter, the child he adopted, has not had any kind of interface with her legal father since the adoption. He has not sent her a birthday gift in 5 years and couldn't care less about the child (She is now 12 and he met me when she was 8 months). The adoption was purely done to be able to fight me for custody of the others. I would like to terminate his parental rights, however, he is knowledgeable about the laws in Colorado. Each year he sends just 1 gift to 1 child (so that I cannot say that he has no contact with the children for 12 consecutive months) and when he disappears and does not pay support, he will return in 5.5 months so that there is not 6 consecutive months of non-payment (actually the law reads 12 months, but he believes it is 6). I have asked for his cooperation, but the kids are his "property" and he is not going to let that change. My current husband is the Daddy figure. He is the one that is there when they are sick or hurt. He drove them to their baseball and soccer practices and games. He checks their homework. He has gone to meetings with their teachers. He deserves to be their father, but my hands are tied because there are so many vindictive women who have withheld visitation against court orders that their are these protective time requirements. My ex is manipulative and he in court records for beating women and children. Somewhere there should be justice. p.s. My first ex is still leaglly liable for the $31,000 he owes, but since my daughter was adopted, I can't get ANYONE to go after him even thought I know where he lives and works. That money could pay for her college!!
If anyone showed a reason for the need for better legislation, you do. We have to close the loopholes.
Hi Shyone, Finally getting some action on my child support. I e-mailed senator Coverdell from one of your links to congress. Got a very positive response and they are in the process of investigating why it takes 15 months to serve papers to someone when they have his address, phone number and now know where he is working. Even got a phone call from Ann Russell the liason for Florida who is in charge of intrastate cases from Georgia to let me know my case is being investigated. Keep your fingers crossed!
Boy, what a nice day opener! I'm so glad to hear this, because this is exactly why I started this website. The only thing now is to give them a reasonable amount of time, say a week and then call and ask them for an update. Congratulations! Keep us updated.
Hi, I wish you to add my name and address to the petition. I have been through alot in the past with child support and custody issues. I have found the courts neglect on my personal issues absolutely intolerable. I have had my children taken away from me by the paternal grandparents within a 2 week visit in which they gave the judge a sob story. And he immediately cut my parental rights. It took me 2 years to get custody of my children back and then in the court order the only words on the matter were "The court has either been mislead or misinformed as to the lack of care and concern of the mother "
The judge then awarded year on year off custody of the children between me and the father. After having my year, the children were then sent to thier father's. Since thier father had no conscience or place of residence the children were then placed with his girlfriend for his term of custody. The girl friend having 5 children of her own which she neglects found it easy to neglect my children. I agreed to low child support just to get my kids back. My ex-husband never once stepped foot into a court room through all these procedings. I now have sole-custody. But even with the low child support payments that he is suppose to make and the medical coverage he is suppose to provide he does not. He is court ordered to pay 200 a month. I did manage to get him into court once and he was court ordered to pay 20 dollars a month in arearages.
I am once again trying to enforce the child support issue, just to reach my goal of having his parental rights cut. If his parental rights were cut I could get the children the medical coverage and have my boyfriend could finally adopt the kids he has been supporting for 7 years.
I am now researching ways on the web and am going to use all the useful information here to help me. Just wanted to say thank you for supplying this site. Thank you
Well, I've had a quick look at your page and I will be coming back to it on occasion. I think my friend who gave me the address was playing a joke on me as on the surface, it looks a bit biased, but I can appreciate that and recognise I have bias, also. Quick background... I was divorced in November of last year. I did not want the divorce but went along with it as it was futile to try and bring the marriage back. One week after my ex moved out of the house, her boyfriend moved down from Iowa to live with her and my son. 2 weeks later, he went back to his wife. My ex has been married 4 times, with me being the fourth and the fourth divorce. Her previous 3 marriages were to a drug addict, an abusive husband, and an alcoholic. My problem was that I did not pay enough attention to her in the beginning as I did not have a lot of time as I worked 6 days a week, (by choice) and attended 2 college courses per semester. I also was not all that great about communicating my feelings as I am a rather introverted person. Even her parents were more on my side than her side while the divorce was going on and even to this day, I get along extremely well with them. Here is my list of gripes aboout the IMHO, inequities of divorce and the problems with child support as it stands. Initially, we both wanted custody of our son. We were ordered to court ordered family relations mediation. The mediation is HEAVILY set up against the fathers (remember, I admit I am biased. :) ). I wanted to present why I felt I was the better of the 2 of us due to her instability and they did not even want to hear the story. When they found out I was working full time and she was only working part time, that was the only thing they cared about. (Excepting that both she and I agreed neither was an unfit parent.) When she found out what she would be getting each week from me, she told me she didn't intend on getting in any more hours at work as the CS and her 15 hrs per week were enough for her to live comfortably on. As a matter of fact, she said she was going to apply for financial aid and daycare assistance and go to college to take some courses she was interested in, but not anything that would give her anything she could use for employment opportunities. Per mediation, I was to have my son from Monday night through Thursday morning which is from shortly after I get out of work for the week Monday afternoon until just before I go back to work on Thursday morning which is my Monday. My ex works Tuesday and Thursday. Our son spends Monday, Thursday and Friday at preschool. My take home pay is $425.00 per week. My CS is $130 per week which is the amount it would be whether I had him the days I do now or did not have him at all. 425-130=295 per week after CS for a 43 hour work week. Take home pay of my ex is $200.00 per week + CS of 130= $330 per week. As far as Uncle Sam is concerned, I make $35000 per year and she lives in poverty at $12000 per year. She also received the maximum earned income credit, ($2000? am not sure) $1400 in free tuition and $2500 in free childcare along with filing head of household which has dramatically lower tax consequences. I think that stinks. I might also add her living expenses are considerably lower than mine, all things considered. I provide a home for our son also. Her $12000 per year is not the same as someone in your situation who is not receiving CS and I feel THAT is an inequity.
SILVER LINING Although we do not see eye to eye on a lot of things, the joint custody is working great. Our son is very happy and very content with things as they are. She and I do not say anything bad about the other parent while he is around, quite the contrary. He enjoys the idea of having two houses (Pink house, hers; blue house, mine), and many of the problems he was exhibiting prior to and during the divorce due to strained relationship between his parents are virtually nonexistent now. Although I am going to have to change shifts due to financial constraints, his mother is agreeable to me still having him on my weekend in the middle of the week. He starts kindergarten in the fall and is right now reading at the first grade level. A lot of that has to do with the fact that virtually without exception, he gets read to every night at bedtime regardless of where he is sleeping. Additional comment. One of the things I passed by on on your page has to do with separating CS payments from visitation. IMHO, if NC parent desires visitation, it should not be denied, Even if supervised visitation is called for (which should be by a neutral third party). Friends of mine from both sides of the issue admit visitation is denied out of spite on occasions and CS payments are the only leverage which may be available. But, If NC parents do not seek involvement in their children's lives, that is their loss. That should not reduce their financial involvement. There are also two sides to every divorce and both C and NC parents have their beliefs about how their individual stories have unfolded. I have given you mine. Comments welcomed and appreciated. We can respect we have different opinions while still being respectful of each other.
Actually, we don't differ all that much. In fact, I wish more couples handled divorce as y'all have. I don't think you should be paying child support for time he's with you. I hope that if this wasn't considered before, you'll bring it up to the judge and ask for a reduction. Take care.
I love your page. I read all the letters. I realize I was fortunate in that my ex-husband paid the court ordered child support regularly, but in 11 years we never had an increase in child support while he made $27 an hour. We got $349 a month (and believe me, I was grateful) while my daughter grew up but here's the rest of the story. When my ex-husband walked out, our house was little more than a wooden tent. It had a roof and a basement, outside walls without insulation, siding, or anything else. It had a kitchen sink set in 2x4's to hold it up, a plug-in for the fridge, stove, (also set in 2x4's) and a couple of lights, one toilet plumbed, plastic around the tub so we could use the shower, and blankets for interior walls. There was no interior framing, no walls, the south wall was exposed to the weather with only plastic covering it, the furnace was salvaged from a house we had lost in a mudslide and woefully inadequate for the drafty, unfinished, wooden tent we were in now. The roof was put on improperly and leaked. My daughter was seven when he left and I have worked hard to turn this into a home. I learned plumbing and wiring, sheetrock taping and texturing, framing, and every other chore required to build a house. I've done all the work myself with very little outside help. I've spent nearly every penny I've made trying to get the house closed to the weather. The money he sent only went to help finish this place so we had a place to live. Two weeks after he left, he turned me into the building department for building without a permit when I thought we had one outside on a pole. Imagine how I felt when I took it down to show them and realized it was for the trailer we'd lost in the mudslide! I'd just brought our son home from the hospital with a broken ankle when this guy showed up on my doorstep and it was a little overwhelming. They were very kind however, and agreed to work with me until the house was finished. They've been patient while it's taken me years to finish. I'm still not completely finished, my bedroom and bath are still in the insulation stages, but the kids have finished rooms and we have a kitchen now complete with cupboards. So anyway, when my youngest wanted to go to college, we went to Support Enforcement to see if her father could help pay. The rest of the story is on my eldest daughter's page at http://members.aol.com/laukkonen. Needless to say he didn't feel he had any obligation at all to pay a cent towards his daughter. He said that he had even 'given her Christmas and birthday presents while obliged to pay child support' and that this was obviously way above and beyond the call of duty so therefore he was free of this obligation. He hasn't spoken to our daughter since we tried to get help with college, he ignored all three of his children at Christmas, (and also, his grandson) didn't call on their birthdays, (the oldest two were 17 and 19 when he left) hasn't contacted them in any way since this started and feels himself much abused. He has always had a nice house, car, good job, etc.and when he had to disclose his expenses, claimed $660 a month for GROCERIES!!!!! as a necessity because he had to be on a low fat diet. The fact that I had 4 surgeries last year and medical bills up the ying-yang didn't make any difference. While I've worked ever since he left, I hadn't worked before the divorce and my pay has always been quite low, especially when compared to his. Yet he couldn't help pay for graduation unless Elizabeth (his daughter) wanted to go without Christmas presents that year. I don't think that just because someone fulfills the court-ordered child support obligation, he or she is necessarily fulfilling the parental obligations. This isn't just about money either. I think I wouldn't be quite so angry if he had just take the time to get to know his children and treated them with the respect and love they deserved. After a 21 year marriage filled with abuse and anger, it took me a few years to learn to let go of all that. I never even give it a thought any more, or at least I didn't until this all started and he once again filled our days with his anger and abuse. The court case is over now and he has been ordered to pay his 'share' which the arbitrator set at $100 a month, but he feels this is too much to ask of him and is protesting so I doubt I'll ever see that at all. In the meantime, he has lost all three of his children who want to 'divorce' him and doesnt' even realize what he has lost. I think if I'd realized what this would entail, I would never have started it at all, but she was so set on going...and I was determined she should have the chance she wanted. She did, by the way, apply for and receive scholarships. We only wanted help with expenses as she was still dependent and living at home. Go for it!!!! I'm behind you 100%. Keep up the good work. I fully realize that a lot of women never receive any child support (my eldest daughter is one) and the hardships this places on the children and families involved. I've helped my daughter and grandson whenever I could because of this very thing. (She has also helped me whenever I needed it) I think there should be a way to make more parents realize their responsiblilies don't stop at just the money. When you have children, your job is to try to raise responsible, caring, adults. When they see a parent shirking as much responsibility as possible, the message they pick up is that they don't matter. This is the biggest crime.
Thank you. You said it so well. And your timing is impeccable.....after recieving letters like the one below. Take care of yourself, and your name has been added to the petition.
Dear Carol; Hi , and it's nice to sort of meet you .Where have you been all my life ? Girl , do I have a story for you . My ex doesn't pay child support , but he wants to see his kids ,especially my daughter . Now I know why . In Nov.96 a week before Thanksgiving we went to a meetator for court .Well , my daughter told Family in Change that her dad was touching her ,and she wanted it to stop. I at the time was in another room and was called back in. She even had drew a picture of her dad without clothes on. Needless to say for now I have full custody ,and he no rights,but also pays no child support. Lived without it this long I really don't care to get it now. He's still not in jail ,but I'm working on it. he's sent cards to the kids saying he will see them soon ,but my lawyer says he won't . I want him in jail. He won't sign papers like yours did ...I wish it could be so easy. Like your ex he plays with the law , and knows how to get away with it . I'm also from New Orleans , and so is my divorce . Actually I go to court tomorrow. A little nervous. I live in Mississippi ,in Gulfport.Had to get away from the harassment , And him sneaking around doing things to my car or my house. He's also beat me for a long time , has a lot to do with domination he lost it when I left him, and he tries other things to try and keep it. It wasn't only physical but mental too but have a good relationship now.Didn't know that he was abusing kids until after I left. I have 3 kids 2 boys and a girl . All of us has been though a lot and only would like a peace of mind. To be able to sit back and say free....and finally relax . This is only a little of what this man has put our little family though but to tell all would be a very long story.And I think you get the picture.Lawyer fee are not cheap ,plus paying therapy bills for my kids so they will grow into strong adults.from the abuse from there dad. If you have any advise please feel free to write me Thank you for listening . Seems like we were in the same boat but didn't see each other.
Hi! I just read your story, and it sounds a lot like mine. I, too, am in college, majoring in journalism, with a 5 year-old son whom my ex has seen ONCE in his life. Since I am completely on my own, I went through the so-called Child Support Enforcement Agency here in Oklahoma. The only thing they enforce is their own paycheck. I have been chasing this guy for five years, as he continues to change jobs, work under the table, change residences, all the while contacting me periodically to let me know he "wants to do the right thing," but he won't without a blood test. All this despite the fact that he has acknowledged to me and several others that he knows (the son) is his. The CSEA refuses to even send this guy papers, despite the fact that I've constantly update his residence with them, and I've given them his social security number, his date of birth, the names, phone numbers and addresses of anyone who would know where to locate him. Every time I go to CSEA to find out what's going on, they give me some story about "well, the detective has those papers now, and we need to find out why he hasn't sent them out." When I tell them to give me the detective's name, and I will find out why he hasn't sent them out, they refuse. This state agency has given me the runaround for the past five years and I believe they have absolutely no real interest in helping anyone. Every time I go down there, I meet some other woman who is in the same boat. One woman has been going through this circus for seven years!! I think your idea to cancel paternal rights was a smart move. And guess what OUR congressmen did to help us single mothers out? There was a bill proposed to take away hunting and fishing licenses of deadbeats, and the senator and his cronies about had a stroke!! They shot the bill down inside of a couple of weeks! Heaven forbid these deadbeats be without their hobbies! THAT would never do. So you can see that in Oklahoma, our lawmakers side with the deadbeats, and they wonder why it's one of the poorest states in the nation. Anyway, I just wanted to vent, I'm glad to run across someone in the same circumstances. Good luck on your graduation, and good for you!
I live in Georgia and my ex moved to Florida to avoid paying child support . It has been over one year with no child support, no health insurance no nothing I've given all the information to Child Support Recovery with no action. He owes over 25.000 . I'm fustrated and angry over the system. He has remarried brought a home and is living in one place how hard can it be to serve him? PLEASE feel free to give me any advise you can.... Thank you in advance
I am in the same type of situation. I left my husband in February of 1991 because he had (and still has) a serious drug and alcohol problem. After I left I never received a penny for child support. The courts tried to locate my husband but he would jump from state to state and job to job to avoid paying child support. The worst thing about the situation is that after 5 years of no contact and no child support he moved back to the area and took me to court for visitation of our son. I have full custody because my husband never showed up for court. He owes $25,000 in back child support, he has served time in Federal Prison, and most importantly he is a total stranger to my son. However, the courts thought it would be in my 8 year olds best interest to seek counseling and to start visitation with his father. Unbelievable you say, not actually, what is unbeleivable is the fact that he is still not paying support, the only time he does pay is when they garnish his wages. My son wants no part of seeing his father, (do you actually blame the kid?) They have had 3 supervised visitations in my home and on the last visit my son told his father that he did not want to see him. His father left within 15 minuets after that. I feel helpless after all of this has happened, I tried everything in my power to stop the visitation and to protect my son. But again the court system wanted what was easiest for my husband. (I thought it was supposed to be what was best for the child?) I am also a full time student, I will finish my Associates Degree this month and I am continuing my education to receive my Bachelor's Degree in Environmental Science. I have also been investigating my husbands past and found out that after he was released from Federal Prison (for writing bad checks) he wrote another bad check in another state for over $500 (which is a felony) However, the courts in that state feel that it is in their best interest not to issue a warrant. I feel like I am losing this fight and it is up to my son's counselor to determine when my husband should get unsupervised overnight visitation. I really need some new information to help me in this fight. If you could help me in any way my son and I would greatly appreciate it. Also, if their is anything I can do to join in your fight against "dead beat parents" please E-mail me and let me know... Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Feeling Overwhelmed In NY
A perfect example of why the custodial parent has to educate themselves on the laws of their state, and file motions while they're gone, using that time as the waiting period required before their parental rights can be taken away. A deadbeat shouldn't be able to pop into the child's life at whim. Please read the petition on my other page, and send me email with explicit permission to add your name, and give me your full name and email address. (This goes for anyone reading this). This is the reason for my petition, so that deadbeats can stop manipulating the courts and hurt their children in the process. We need better legislation when it comes to extreme cases like ours. As I say in the petition, if a deadbeat can make the decision to abandon the child, then the custodial parent should be able to make the choice of giving up child support they wouldn't get anyway in exchange for terminating the deadbeat's parental rights when the involvment of the deadbeat is proved to be detrimental to the child's well-being, physically and/or emotionally.
IM A DAD WHO PAYS AND PAYS DEARLY. i miss very much not seeing my son grow up ,wake up and every other of lifes joy of watching your child grow . here is someone who while living with me refused to help out with everyday mortg. payments ,utils etc. we both have decent jobs yet she filed bancruptcy prior to my knowing her. her mom helped her for one of the loans and the other she was making minimal payments to. after paying both of her loans off (loaning her the money) she still couldn't manage to make an attempt to help out. getting money out of her was like pulling teeth which i had mentioneed to her. her self esteem was low ,her body fat was high. she had lost the weight before i had met her and tried to get me away from my fiance by getting pregnant which worked but only for a time. but as we tried to work it out she knew now that she had the child,the laws of the state and many other states are on her side ,less your circumstance.now i have to pay a mortgage plus her expenses which are very low to non existant. she has gotten approx 5500.00 for one year. i have car payments still due,she does not i still have her school loan bill even after a year plus lawyers expenses.did i also mention im paying my moms rent too!the guidelines do not take much of this in consideration. i still have to eat. my share of responsibilies residence plus child support is over 1000/month. lets see her bills....no car payments,little or no daycare bills because she lives with her parents ,,forgot to mention while living with me she was still giving her parents money even after i paid her loans!!! i really can not afford to live alone. got back with my fiance had a girl who i can not afford to spend anywhere near the money my first childs mom gets for my son!lawyers love to see families duke it out because thay get paid by both parents usually you dont need lawyers in many cases. read your child support guidelines for many states.you can use mediators for much,much less. dont believe the lawyers when they say they are looking out for the childs best interest because like congress they too lie like a fox.i work for the federal gov still and we have a program called fsa(flexible spending acct) which the custodial parent also has access to but refuses to use because that will prove the amount she actually has to spend on our child to the letter.the money is deposited through direct deposit and when you have an expense you show a receipt and get re-imbursed.the only drawback is money left over at the end of the year is forfeited! i forgot to mention this money is also tax deferred!!!! our health premiums are also tax deferred which is also great,less taxes to pay and more money for you and your children!!!now if only the states could do the same. take an average over 2 or 3 years and let that be your non custodials rate of child support.plus it will be much more accurate way of showing what it cost to raise a child plus a non custod will be more likely to pay if support wasn't so outrageous. plus the leftover amount each year could be applied to next years payments to make a little easier for the n/c to comply. the states could collect the interest on the accounts until the receipts are submitted thereby helping to pay for other non complying parents no gender intended. sounds kind of fair doesnt it. you see the laws are ass backward is LA but 180% opposite for us in conn. which leaves the ONLY option for the n/c is to flee the state in many cases. im quite sure the fsa example would and could help many of us who are on both sides of a bad stick.email me if you need more info on fsa. this is what all states should be pushing for!!!! good luck with everything.
It's women like your ex that has made it so hard for the rest of us. Go back and ask for a reduction, you have that right. Each state is different, but it sounds more like you need a new lawyer, one that'll actually do their job. I believe in getting child support due, but $1000 a month? For one child? I believe in being fair about it also. Good luck. And I'm looking forward to that information about FSA.
Dear shyone, I am a 33 year old male, have been married 13 years, have a 6 year old and 3 year old girls who my wife and I work very hard to raise. I recently discovered someone I was going to do a business deal with was a deadbeat dad (after running his credit.) I killed the deal and am now wondering if there is someone I should turn this guy into. He is from New York originally, moved to California for a short while, (they probably caught onto him), and he is now in Tennessee. I believe that he will be able survive here for some time to come due to the type of business he is in and the lack of any kind of checks by this backward state. It makes me sick to think of him living the good life and how his family might be suffering. He owes over 60K. Should I mind my own business?
I thank you for being so thoughtful. Anyone that knows any information on a deadbeat that's on the run, find the Child Support Enforcement in the original state that is reporting the deadbeat, and the state he's in so that they can cooperate and track him down. I applaud you, especially since so many like myself have to deal with an employer that not only pays them under the table knowing full well the employee's a deadbeat and wanted, they completely shield them.
Hi Carol- Nancy mailed me and asked that I let you know what's been going on with my quest for obtaining the arrears owed to my boys. So here I sit, finally getting a chance to sit down and write (the only reason I have the time now is because I'm home sick with asthmatic bronchitis for the week). Well, as things would have it, we were last in court on February 21. They picked him up on a warrant for failure to pay (not the first time, and I'm sure, although I wish otherwise, not the last time). He informed the court that he had been out of work for 8 weeks (which was news to me) and that because he was out for 8 weeks, this entitled him to remove all the monies from his annuity fund with no questions asked and no penalties. He told the Court that he was already in the process of doing this and was expecting the check sometime in the first week of March. The Judge asked me if I was willing to wait a month for a payment. I told the Court that I had heard this all before, and nothing had ever come of it. The Judge decided to give him the benefit of the doubt AGAIN. The order was that he was to continue making regular payments (although I FINALLY got a wage garnishment...but his company is not sending it every week as they are supposed to be doing.), and to pay the FULL AMOUNT OF ARREARS (she didn't set a figure because had it changed in the interim, she wanted him to pay the full amount) by March 21, 1997 or a bench warrant would be issued. So now I'm sitting there saying "Oh great...another useless bench warrant so he can walk into court and make yet another excuse." I was not happy. I figured for sure I was in for another run around. Much to my surprise, on March 14, my account with probation was credited with the full amount of the arrears. And because his employer had made a payment on the account as well, he was actually $500.00 AHEAD! Now is another story...his employer is holding the checks (probably to collect interest on them) and he is in the hole again for 3 weeks. I have to make a call to probation again today to have them contact the employer and let them know they are in contempt of a court order when they do this. In any case, I can now call my ex alot of things, but the one thing I can't call him right now is a deadbeat dad. I just hope that things continue now, and that he does the right thing. He changes jobs frequently and it is going to be up to him to make payments when he changes jobs. We'll see what happens. Keep me informed on what's going on. And one more thing...I'm not real good at downloading and such, so please, add my name to the petition. The laws definately need to be changed. It shouldn't have to be so difficult to obtain child support. It should be an automatic thing, that nobody has to fight for, and worry about.
It's so nice to print a positive result...the key? Your tenacity and staying on top of the situation. Congratulations!!
My ex and the biological fatrher of two sons,now 25 and 20 yearsold, has not paid any money to them in 18 years! No one cares! I have contacted numerous agencies over the years,to no avail! even though they are adults now he should not be allowed to DESERT his children. He has known how to find us all along. It's not right. Both feel a sense of loss that will not go away. HELP!
I understand your frustration, but the kids are adults now. It's time for you to let go, and let yourself have peace of mind. Let them sue him for back child support if they want. They're adults, it's now their decision.....please don't drive yourself crazy, it's been 18 yrs! You can't get him in the system now, the kids are adults, they have enough of a backlog with minors, with new cases everyday. It's unfortunate, but there's really nothing you can do except take him to civil court and sue, but again, now that they've grown up, it's their decision and responsibility to sue for back support. Your job is over. Give yourself some peace of mind.
Hi, My name is Linda and I have been looking for my ex-husband, Michael, for over 10 years. This walking penis deserted me and his two daughters. I lost my house and most of my possesions. He has not paid a dime of child support in a decade. What most upsets me is that his mother and two sisters are hiding his whereabouts. I am under the belief that he is somewhere in Europe - possibly on an island off of Spain. This man is a criminal - if anyone can help - please contact me.
I don't know anything about a case going out of the country, but it seems to me that if you do have court ordered child support then he would be considered a felon.....but that's a very layman's viewpoint. If anyone knows anything about this area....then please write me and I'll pass on the information. It still amazes me how much family and so-called friends will cover up for someone that they KNOW is breaking the law, especially when it's at the expense of the children. I only wish it were easier to prove that they were breaking the law too by obstruction of justice. They are just as guilty.
Dear Carol, In my case, I finally got a response from the state of Florida in a big way.....They called me all the way here in Japan and told me at length what they were going to do. I found out that Florida had sent my case back to SC in May 1996 due to the lack of one page. Even though I was in touch with SC, they never told me this. Also, they had the page on file that was needed. My pushing the issue made what happen come to light. Florida is (they say) expediting the case, and he was to have been summoned last week to appear to explain why he hasn't paid. Florida did say it may be June 1 before I start seeing money from him.( because he can appeal , etc). But they did say that he WOULD have to pay because he is a big strong healthy person who can pay if he wants to....(driving a Mercedes, it's hard to cry poverty!) Thanks for the guidance, encouragement, links, and shoulder all this time. I am finally on the road to getting the deadbeat to pay what is due to my (and our) child.......Many thanks!!
You're quite welcome! I'm just glad that I could help. But you get the credit, you did the legwork so-to-speak.
You
may be wondering why we chose the Internet and a personal homepage to tell
about our deadbeat dad, but this was the most logical thing to do!!! This
is a forum that informs masses of people, and, as such, we are informing.
The following page contains information about a man who has no regard for
feelings other than his own. It is our intention to alert people who might
possibly know, work with, or have an acquaintance with this deadbeat parent.
My brother and I lived without a "Father Figure" all our lives. It was bad
enough growing up without a father, but mom had to work two jobs to support
us, missing out on many key points in our lives, things that she will NEVER
get to experience again. Since grade school, my brother and I were "latch
key" kids, with instructions to come straight home from school and lock the
door behind us. Mom would come home, make us dinner, put us to bed, and repeat
the process the next day. Not very much interaction went on between the three
of us. We had clothes on our backs, shoes on our feet, food on the table,
and a roof over our heads. That's it. No thrills, no frills.All the while,
our deadbeat father, was living the good life. Several attempts to collect
on child support were less than fruitful. Since 1982, he owes an excess of
$22,000 in UNPAID child support. We know that posting this information on
the Internet probably won't spur a payment from him, but we would like to
ask anybody who is acquainted with JAMES ALLEN COTTLE of ORANGE COUNTY,
CALIFORNIA, to disassociate yourself from him. We are also asking you to
pass the URL of this webpage to those of you who know a single parent who
is having problems from a deadbeat spouse, in the hopes that he or she will
follow this ever growing genre of public display.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/7352/
Here is another viewpoint, as I've asked for all those involved to write. This is, I feel, the nost important viewpoint of all....the viewpoint of the child. I thank you for your writing me, and your bravery to stand up for what you think is right. I think this underlines all of our reasons for starting this grassroots campaign.
Dear Shyone, I was so inspired by your site I provided a link from my site to yours. I hope can only hope this ok. If at all possible I would like you to stop by and take a look at my site. As you probably guessed I would like a return link if possible. I noticed one of the individuals that wrote you inquired about sites for "delinquent parents" that might post pictures. Since I have pictures and would be willing to post add'l pics. I think our sites are really complimentary. (PS. the icon labeled "other sites" on my home page leads to yours:) Sincerely, Monty.
I thank you so much for your consideration. I've looked at your website, including the links and am impressed. I suggest to anyone who wants to put public the information about your case, then contact Monty. The only fee that I see involved is scanning the picture for $15. Follow the following link:
http://home.earthlink.net/~montyhenry/
Dear Sirs,{or Mams}I am a child support paying father.I was paying 600$ per month. It just got raised to 821$+50% daycare +health Insurance. I end up paying all the medical bills.I only made 31,000 dollars last year.That is with overtime!I feel that support should be based on 40 hrs NOT overtime!Clinton's laws SUCK! If THey take my liscense away or put me in jail if i get behind she will never get a dime. I will put money away for my daughters for their future.My daughters mean the world to me ;but the system has made it so i have to pay the price because she wanted to be with everyone else. If I had the girls I would only ask 200$ to show interest;Not more to raise my standard of living.Kids are not to be used but to be cherished and loved.
Please realize that the new laws aren't to go after responsible people
like you. It's for deadbeats that refuse to pay anything for child support.
You are an example of what we want the deadbeats to learn. If you truly
can't afford these payments, then go back to the Judge and ask for
a reduction. You do have rights also. You aren't considered a deadbeat, in
fact, you're the role model that we would like our ex's to learn from. Thank
you and please seperate your anger towards your ex-wife from your
child support for your children. I applaud you.
Ok folks...I
knew this would happen sooner or later. I got my first "hate mail" Here it
is....and I would make an exception to my no name rule, but why give
him publicity?...... I took out the middle letters to spare
y'all the cursing..but rest assured he wrote the whole word out.....
To: shyone8950@aol.com
f**k you there should be no law that betters the income of one spouse over the other after the marrage is disolved. no matter if children are involved or not. all you see is the almighty $$$$signs. can't wait to get you hands on the money hugh? untill there a fair decisions about child support this issue will continue to be a billing issue. you can't get blood out of a turnip
My name is not Hugh and I thought I said "you can't get blood out of a turnip" on my page? . You need to learn what RESPONSIBILITY means. It's this kind of attitude that is the central of what we have to fight. Seeing the almighty dollar is a ludicrous statement when the custodial parent has to pay for food, diapers, wipes, clothes, daycare, etc...etc....
thanks for keeping me posted on these letters....its a shame this man has
so much resent on him that he resorts to vulgar language to convey his
thoughts.......people like that don't convey their so called message properly
and will never get anywhere with an attitude with that....i am going to try
to respond to him today or tuesday......he should take that energy and use
it more positively....he know doubt got burned in his relationship but loses
focus on the monies to raise the children....as if we are pocketing the money
ourselves....ridiculous.........i am sending letters to more legislatures
regarding the umbrella bill with clinton and awaiting respones.....if i get
to learn my scanner i will send you some information....keep me posted and
keep up the good work.talk to you soon take care.....nancy from new jersey
Well you will always find some uneducated male that thinks this issue is about money and not supporting his children which if he had thought through in the first place would not be in this situation.
This past July I was so frustrated with my ex-spouse, whom resides in Nevada, not supporting his three children, whom ages are 17, 14, 9 that I plastered signs on my home in a protest against this behavior. I am owed $10,000 at the present time and haven't received any support since one year ago. I attracted media attention, both radio and tv with reaction from woman in the same predicament as myself. We have organized a grass roots group and we are looking to reform the laws regarding child support. We want the Federal government to take charge of this situation due to the problems that exist with each State having their set of rules and the IRS handling the collection since probation is overwhelmed with caseloads with no relief in our situations. If we are having problems with men whom reside in the same state as ourselves, how can we seek relief from across the United States? These laws regarding reciprocals aren't working for majority of us and we need intervention from the Federal government now? Some of these woman have accumulations as high as $50,000 so where are these laws to enforce? It proves that the system has failed. Our group is in New Jersey and we look forward in communicating ideas, etc. to change the legislation that now exist. I believe we all should join together in each state by writing to our legislatures and other methods can be instilled if all interested parties would like to begin with getting information and working together on this. We are all looking forward to the same results which is the support for our children. Please share your thoughts regarding this....I like to hear your ideas and comments..I am 40 years old, remarried, work 25 plus hours, hobby..landscaping..and looking to get involved in politics to help others with these problems of neglect towards our children...Post this with my name if others would like to be involved.......You can contact me as nfd1031@aol.com or if anyone wants to respond please allow my number to appear to them.....I'll be talking to you...Take care.........Nancy from New Jersey
This is why I started this website, to get us all into a frank and positive discussion nationwide. we have to band together and decide what the best course of action would be for us all, then to use our united front to have positive, USEFUL legislation passed. We need the federal government to take over the legislation instead of the states to cover those of us whose deadbeats moves out of state. But remember, research your state's laws and make sure that ya'll file whatever motions are available to you.
Here's another new edition...letters from Government officials......
This section will be for those responses:
carol, i'm a child support enforcement agent in nys.you are right when you say the court system is lax in dealing with absent parents.however i don't think the answer is on the state level.it's time for the federal goverment to step in and take charge of and finally solve the problem of chronic non-payment.also,much more pressure must be put on employers (no "working under the table"),banks and other financial institutions to come up with the goods.if i'm frustrated i can't imagine how you must feel.my wife and i do the best we can for our children.i just don't understand why everyone doesn't.good luck in your quest.
Actually, what we need is the federal government creating an "umbrella" law to cover those whose ex's leave the state. The state laws are picking up and are actually good, but we need to cover the cracks that our children fall in when the ex leaves the state. President Clinton has proposed this "umbrella" law and I urge everyone to write their Legislators and Senators and demand that this be passed without delay.
dear carol, first of all, you have my permission to use my name in
your efforts. we here in nys also revoke driving licenses for respondents
who are delinquent but as for professinal licenses there is a certain group
that seems to be lobbying against the procedure -LAWYERS!!can you believe
that? there is also talk of making it a felony to cross state lines to avoid
paying.the next logical step will be felony charges for ANY intentional
non-payment. i agree with the "umbrella" theory in terms of federal
involvement.don't get me wrong i do believe each state is entitled to it's
own individuality and uniqueness but we're not talking about tobacco or firearms
or even legalized gambling.we ARE talking about CHILDREN and THEIR right
to the support that was COURT ORDERED on their behalf. the court system is
a whole other issue and perhaps we'll discuss it another time. you know it's
funny, i really enjoy my job because i believe the children deserve what
is rightfully theirs.the part i HATE is trying to impose morals on those
who obviously have none. take care, bob
I was doing some research for a presentation to the Prosecuting Attorneys Association of Michigan on criminal prosecution of parents who abandon their children by failing to financially support them. I discovered your homepage on AOL. I want to say it is very impressive. Here in Genesee County, Michigan we prosecute about 100 of these so-called deadbeat dads each year under our felony statute which makes it illegal to leave the state of Michigan and abandon children. Our program targets self-employed parents and those who are chronically behind having not paid child support for at least two years. The program has been a success by any measure...started in October 1993 we have charged approximately 250 of these deadbeats......there have been 167 of these deadbeats arrested and brought to justice...resulting in the collection of over $500,000. for children in our community...the Friend of the Court says the figure could be as much as $1 million in just a little over two years! Many of these men have been extradited from all over America......in some cases where payment has not been made and they refuse to pay even while on probation, our judges have sent them to prison. I want to commend you for using your talents to create a forum for children. Please contact me if I or my staff can ever be of assistance.
Arthur A. Busch / Prosecuting Attorney /Genesee County, Michigan
200 Courthouse
Flint, Michigan 48502
E-Mail Address: Art Busch@AOL.com
Hi Carol, Thanks for your response, you are absolutley right. I am thinking of doing just what you have suggested. The Child Support Agency came into existence in Australia in October 1989. Prior to this only 26% of liabilities were collected. The collection rate now is about 60% but many parents still get away with not paying. If a parent is if employment it is easier to collect as it is done by the employer and remitted to the C.S.A. via the Australian Taxation Office and then to the custodial parent. Unfortunately this system now appears to be failing. If a non-custodial parent is self-employed is it far harder to pursue. I have a very good friend who is a Barrister (Lawyer) on a couple of occasions she has represented women who were owed several thousand dollars. Countless court orders had failed to induce the non-custodial parent to pay. She sought leave in the Australian Family Court to have these cases removed from it's jurisdiction. Having achieved this, she then had the cases heard has civil matters in the Supreme Court, listing the custodial parent as a creditor and the non paying parent as a debtor (ie. putting it on a strictly commercial basis) she was then able to apply for an order winding the debtor up in bankruptcy. The custodial parents had the debt repaid in a lump sum. It may be the only payment that they ever receive, but it was the only option. Further to this taking this action does not preclude them from re-applying to the Family Court for further child support orders. You can't legally avoid being declared a bankcrupt in Australia, assets are seized and sold to repay creditors. Can you imagine what it would be like if every parent owed support took this action. It would take years to get a court date, such is the magnitude of the problem.
I thank you for writing back, and I applaud your Barrister friend. This is a universal problem that can be corrected as long as we all band together in not only our state/province getting a grassroots movement started if one isn't started in your area. Then band together nationally, and internationally. Here, in the United States, there was a loophole in the bankruptcy law that allowed discharging child support owed to a government agency ...i.e. AFDC (Aid to Families with Dependent Children) which is the collection agency for many people, but last year this loophole was closed, so that now NO child support is dischargable in bankruptcy court.
Hi, my name is Val, and I live in Melbourne, Australia. I was actually net surfing looking for information on this subject in the Australian context. Like the U.S.A Australia has a huge problem with parents who do not pay. Further to this there seems to be a huge backlash developing against the custodial parents. We have a pressure group here called D.A.D.S (Dads against Discrimination) there fundamental argument is that the have a right to get on with there lives and if they start a new family, they should not have to support there first or second family!!! The President is a rather bitter man, I would like to know the background to his case. I know many women in the position that you have described, but there does not seem to be any answer. Many people can simply walk away and never look back
What a scary thought! Please, I beg you to gather others like yourself and band together to form your own grassroots campaign to change things. If others are reading this from Australia and knows of resources there, or anything about what this lady has said, please contact me ASAP.
I just read your web page and I wanted to let you know that you really hit a soft spot. My daughter (Amber) is going to be 7 this year and I've yet to even see a penny from her deadbeat biological. I can't call him her father because he is nothing but scum. I live in Cleveland and the child support agency here sucks. I had a good address for him about 3 years ago and the warrant is only good from 9 to 5 when the sherriff's department is working so he left yet again. I am now going to try blastering his face on the Internet and see if that helps. Probably not but I don't know what else to do. But I'm glad I read your page. Please send me updates when you can.
To Whom IT May Concern, I Fully agree with every thing you Are saying.I have a daughter from a previous relationship. I admit sometimes it can be hard seperating payments the way you feel towards your ex. Good or bad for the kids sake you must, I make my payments!My wife on the other hand has a son from a previous relationship he pays 15 Dollars a week,and he can't keep that up to date.Currently he is over 5,000 dollars behind and they tell us it's up to her to find where he resides. I Don't Get It
I congratulate you on setting a positive example for both kids. Your daughter will be proud of her dad, and your wife's son will give you the love, respect and admiration that his biological father will lose out on. You're a winner all the way around.......and I thank you.
Hi Im new to the net, so I hope this gets to you. My EX has not paid a cent in 10 years. 50,000.00 he owes me. Child support in my state does nothing about finding him. 10 years of working my butt off to provide my daughter with a good life, without a vacation ever! You have to ask yourself is it really worth it to have this person back in your childs life. My mother say's let sleeping DOGS LIE. Hope to hear from you soon
Your mother is right. After 10 years, leave it alone. The love, respect and admiration that you will recieve is everything your ex will lose out on. You can't put a price on that.
I went to your web page and was thoroughly impressed. I'm a single Dad here, ten years now. I think I pretty much gave up on trying to get the Ex to be a part of our daughter's life. Also I like to thank you for reiterating that it's not just deadbeat dads, but also some of these Mom's too. That! I appreciate very much. I have a lot of experience in web pages, so if I can be of any help to you at all, please don't hesitate to ask of me. I'd be more than willing. Keep up the good work! Remember what I said, I'll help if you need it or want it. Everybody's got one, A Guardian Angel. Chuck
I live in michigan and have been trying to get child support from my sons father,I have got no effort from the state of ill. I was wondering if maybe you could point me in the direction to where I should go. I have been trying for 13 years he is only supposed to pay 52.50 a week. He know owe's me aprox. 35,000.00 if not more. macomb county friend of the cour
