My Last Chemotherapy

My last chemotherapy treatment! If I had not been so exhausted, I would have been doing a happy dance (I did one in my head).

I wore my very best overalls and my favorite cap.

This was my eighth treatment on this combination of drugs--cytoxan, methotrexate, 5FU, my eleventh chemotherapy treatment in all. I had opted not to have a port, and this would be the last time my left arm would have to have an IV (the right one couldn't be used for this because of my mastectomy surgery).

After the sixth treatment in this series, I began to consider backing out. After all, this chemotherapy was precautionary--I did not have any cancer in my body that we knew about. The purpose was to POSSIBLY kill microscopic metastases that MIGHT cause a recurrence, IF there were any. I have no way of knowing if this was necessary, if it was helpful or if it had no effect on the cancer whatever. And I was so tired of being tired and being careful all the time and feeling yucky, especially since I wasn't sure it was doing necessary.

I considered backing out, but was afraid to. What if I skipped the last treatment and that was the one that killed that last little cancer cell that was floating around looking for a place to settle?

While the drugs are killing cancer cells, they are also killing healthy cells in your body. Each treatment builds on the previous one, and you become weaker each time (but so do the cancer cells--and your body is stronger than the cancer). In the beginning, I felt really sick for three days every three weeks, tired for a few more days, then OK until the next treatment. By the last treatment, there were about three days a month that I felt good.

I read somewhere that it takes two months after chemotherapy to recover from each month of chemotherapy. That was about right for me. I won't describe all of the side effects. I was very concerned that some of them would be permanent (The only one I can think of that is still with me is my wavy hair). There was also the surgery and radiation to recover from. Anyway, for me, the two months thing was about right, and I was working at it.

I was no longer taking adriamycin, so my hair was growing again. It was straight on the sides, wavy on top and curly on the crown. The new drug, methotrexate, causes light sensitivity while you are taking it, so I had to do my yard work in the late afternoons. I had hoped that I would feel better after the treatments, but I felt about the same.

One thing I read recently it that methotrexate causes, what is it--I forget. Oh, long-term memory loss. I may have noticed some of that (surely it wasn't because of my age). What helped me was memorizing something each day. At first this was difficult. Now it is easier, and has carried over to help me other areas. I think my memory is better than before (if it isn't, that's because I don't remember).

I was excited ,apprehensive, concerned.

So I got through this treatment, thanked everyone involved (it was just like that scene in My Fair Lady where they are all congratulating themselves on a job well done), went home ready to settle in with my guided imagery tape and was met with the news that my son had a science fair project due the next day (just looking at a showboard makes me woozy now)!

Home

One thing I gained from this experience--I came away feeling a new appreciation for the human body. I was in awe of its ability to accept and rebound from all of these challenges.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14