by Sheila Paulson

January 30, 1977

Dear Aunt Lois,

Thanks for all those gorgeous postcards and your really nice letter. Rome sounds great. I hope I can go there someday. That's really swell you got to see the Pope, even if there were 25,000 other people there, too. I bet you'll love Florence, too. You can see all that art you like.

I'm sorry I was slower than usual answering your great letter, but it's been busy here and I had a ton of classwork before semester finals. I love college. I wasn't sure what it would be like but, gosh, it's great to be here. My classes are a lot more fun than high school, and there's all kinds of interesting people in them--and they don't think I'm weird like some of the kids did in Morrisville High. Now that I'm getting to know people, it's a lot more fun than it was at first. In the beginning it seemed so big and confusing after Morrisville, but then I told myself that I used to live in New York when I was little, so what was the difference. And then I made two really good friends.

You asked me if I had a girlfriend yet, but I guess not, at least not yet. I'm still a little nervous about asking a girl out for a date, but Peter says that'll come. He offered to line me up with Ginger's sister, but I thought he'd better not. Ginger's the kind of girl you'd call a man eater--you know, like that redhead that stole Cousin Sam's boyfriend last summer--and I was a little nervous about it. But Egon said I didn't have to go unless I really wanted to, so I'm not going to. He says I'll find a girl I like just fine without Peter's help. Probably better without Peter's help.

I told you a little about Egon and Peter when I was at your house for Thanksgiving dinner, but I didn't really know them very well yet. Now I'm starting to know them better, and it's really something, Aunt Lois. When I was up in Morrisville, I had a couple of friends but they weren't really close or anything, you know, just guys to hang out with so I wouldn't be alone. I had a big crush on Elaine--I told you about her--but she was really popular and I didn't dare tell her how much I liked her. Maybe it'll be different this summer, though I'm going to take some summer school classes and won't be back there very much, especially if I'm going to spend a couple of weeks with you.

The guys in my class mostly didn't understand about the comic books I liked and all the occult stuff; one of them even thought I was a devil worshiper, but that's silly. Mr. Masters, you know, the chemistry teacher at Morrisville High who helped me get my scholarship, told me not to worry what any of them thought, because when I went away to college it wouldn't matter, and you know, he was right.

He said college wasn't a popularity contest and there would be so many people there I'd find a niche pretty fast, like I never did in Morrisville. But he didn't tell me I'd be lucky enough to make some really great friends right away. And I'm sure glad I did.

Let me tell you about them. Because when you get back from Florence, I want to bring them over on a Sunday for one of your really great pot roasts. I just know you'll like them and I know they're gonna just love you.

I met Egon first. He's Egon Spengler; he's from Cleveland, Ohio, and I think his dad is some kind of big shot scientist. There's a place out there, Spengler Labs, his own family's science lab, and when Egon graduates, he'll have a job guaranteed there if he wants it. He's studying physics, and he's really brilliant. I think he might be the smartest guy I ever met.

But Peter says being that smart has a price. And I guess it does, because Egon's almost always studying. He even does it for fun. He works in the lab all kinds of extra hours. Somebody, one of the professors told me that pure science was an exacting god, a cold god, and that the rewards were great but they were rewards in your mind and not your heart. I didn't really know what that meant until I met Egon and saw how caught up he was in his work. He's willing to pay the price, Aunt Lois, because it isn't a price to him, it's a reward. He loves pure science. For him it's really thrilling. He figured something out the other day about quarks (they're subatomic particles) and rushed over and told me and Peter all about it. I could see Peter didn't get it at all and didn't much care about it, and I only knew a little because I know more about science than Peter does and I had physics in high school and I'm starting Physics 101 this semester. Egon was babbling on about it, and when I looked at Peter, he was just watching Egon and grinning like crazy. He told me later he didn't care if he understood Egon's gobbledegook, he just got a kick out of watching 'old Spengs' unwind and have a good time. And then he said, "If you tell him I said that, I'm gonna line you up with Ginger herself."

When I first met Egon, I thought he was pretty stiff, and I was kind of scared of him, that he would think I wasn't smart enough. But then we got talking--Aunt Lois, he's working on a double major and his second subject is parapsychology, just like me! We got talking about it once and it was really great, because he comes at it from a whole different direction, and he's given me all kinds of cool things to think about. You know what, Aunt Lois? I think he might have actually seen a ghost or something. He won't admit it, and when I asked, he got kind of stiff and formal like he does and started talking about the scientific method, and that's when Peter started cracking jokes at him and making spooky sounds and humming the Twilight Zone theme. And I thought Egon would get all haughty and turn up his nose at Peter, because Peter wasn't serious enough, but Egon didn't. Instead he started teasing Peter back, only in this formal kind of way he has that I would never know was a joke if I hadn't seen them together. And Peter lit up like a fireworks display and the next thing I knew they were having a wrestling match. I couldn't believe my eyes. Egon stopped first, of course, and tried to pretend he'd never done it, and went off to rearrange his hair and his clothes, looking almost embarrassed, and Peter grinned to himself and looked like he knew secrets he'd never tell.

Peter's about as opposite of Egon that he could possibly be. His full name's Peter Venkman, and he's here on scholarship like me, which means he must be pretty smart, too, even if he sometimes acts like he never studies at all. He's really popular on campus, Aunt Lois, like the guys I used to envy in high school because they had so much self confidence and so many friends, but who never bothered with me. I've watched Peter just bopping along, carrying a book or two that always look like they've never been opened, and giving all the girls the eye, and when they turn around to watch him, he just grins at them and you can tell he's loving every second of the attention. I thought he'd be stuck up and egotistical, but it's really funny, Aunt Lois, he's not. All that's just on the surface. I'd seen him around campus before Egon introduced him to me and I knew he was in a fraternity. But I didn't think I'd ever meet him.

Don't worry, Aunt Lois, I don't really want to be in a fraternity. The guys in Peter's kind of expect him to be a certain way, and I can't be like that. I like my classes and the professors a lot and I don't want to go around acting like I never study. Maybe some of them don't. Their fraternity has a nickname, Try Cuppa Brew. And they have wild parties. Peter loves them. He says he's a party animal.

But I don't want you to get the wrong idea of Peter and think he never studies and that he drinks and parties all the time or that he hauls me out to get drunk. Because even if he does party a lot, he's different when he's with Egon. I went over to Egon's one night to take him a book he'd been looking for, and when I got there, Peter was already there and they were sitting at Egon's kitchen table with textbooks and papers all over the table, and Peter was actually studying. And when I came in he was even embarrassed about being caught out. He said real fast that Egon was helping him cram for a test. And then Egon raised one eyebrow--you know, just like Mr. Spock, I wish I could do that, but when I try both of mine go up--and Peter shrugged and said, "Just don't tell the guys in my frat." I didn't get it at first, but Egon took me aside another day and said that Peter worried about his image as Big Man on Campus and didn't want anybody to know he could study hard. Egon said it would be kind of me to pretend I didn't know he studied. I don't know why, Aunt Lois. I still don't really understand Peter that well, but if he doesn't want people to know he can study, I sure won't tell anybody.

So I asked Egon about it, and he said that when Peter was a kid, his dad hadn't been around very much, even at Christmas. Gosh, isn't that sad, Aunt Lois? I figured out last month that Peter hates Christmas, but I didn't know why. Egon says it's because he has to pretend Christmas isn't important, or else he'd think he wasn't important to his dad. Maybe studying with Peter for some of his psychology tests has made Egon understand stuff like that.

I met Peter's dad once. He showed up on campus, and you know what, Aunt Lois, I think he came to borrow money from Peter. Peter doesn't have any more than I do. He's got a scholarship, too, and he's got a job as a busboy to help have enough money to take his girlfriends out and to dress nice. I think his dad might not be very honest. But I didn't say anything to Peter. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Peter's main field is psychology, but you know what? Even before I got here, he and Egon got talking about parapsychology--Peter took one class as a kick, and then got more interested than he thought--and now Peter's taking more classes in it. I think he might work for a double major, too. Once he said we should start our own business when we graduated, then he must have remembered Spengler Labs because he pretended it was just a joke real fast, you know, so Egon wouldn't have to let him down. Then Egon said something about getting jobs here, all three of us, and Peter grinned like crazy. I think it would be neat to teach here, but I've got a long way to go before that happens. I'm only a freshman, after all. But it would be really cool if the three of us could work together someday.

Going back to Christmas, remember how you had to leave Christmas afternoon for your trip, and you said you felt bad because I couldn't stay with you all through the holidays, when everybody else was going out of town? Well, Peter didn't go out of town. He stayed on campus, all alone at the frat house, and he had a holiday job. When he found out I was still here, he came over Christmas night and we went out to a fancy restaurant and had a big turkey dinner. I was already kind of full from your special ham, but I didn't say anything, because I knew it was really something from Peter, when he doesn't like Christmas. Then we ran into some of the other students who were still around and went caroling. Peter came too, and even if he didn't sing, he was there.

And you know what I figured out, Aunt Lois? I figured out he was really lonely. Not just because it was Christmas and his dad couldn't come, and he couldn't afford to go home and be with his mom, but maybe he's lonely a lot of the time. He's got lots of friends on campus and people who think he's terrific, but they only see what he wants them to see. I think they'd have been surprised if they'd seen him trailing around with me for the caroling because I thought it was so cool. He was making sure I wouldn't be alone. Of course he pretended that wasn't really why, but I know it was. And when I was having such a great time, singing with all those other people who didn't get to go home for Christmas, I looked over at Peter and caught him watching me and smiling a little, like he was happy just because I was. And then he saw me and made a smart remark, the way he does. And when Egon got back from Ohio, he didn't say a word about it.

Egon was back in the lab right away, and he still spends more time there than anybody else I know, but every now and then Peter will show up and drag him out and what's really neat is that Egon lets him. I think he looks forward to it. I remembered when they had their wrestling match that time, how afterwards Egon had almost looked like a little kid who's had a treat, even if he made all kinds of cracks to Peter about lack of maturity and the need to act his age. You know what I think, Aunt Lois? I don't think Egon ever had a chance to be a kid. He told me once he'd never read a comic book in his life. In his whole life. He never had a cap gun or a football, and he never played hide and seek. He said his father played catch with him once, and turned it into a lesson about the speed of the ball and about gravity and other scientific stuff, and that he hadn't liked it very much. When Peter heard that, he and I took Egon to a Yankees game. It was great, Aunt Lois. None of us had ever been to a Major League game before. Egon sat there--he had on suspenders and a bow tie--and didn't yell or cheer or anything, but he looked like he was interested. Peter said, "I've gotta drag you out of that musty old lab more often, Spengs." And then Egon said, "You have no scientific basis for claiming it's musty," and they had a really silly argument. I thought they were mad at each other at first, but then I realized they were having fun. And then Egon raised his eyebrow at me like Spock, and I realized they wanted me to join in, too, so I did, and it was great! They're both older than me--Egon's a senior. But they were being so silly they might have been ten. It was fun.

So then I brought Egon a stack of my very favorite comic books and he actually read them. Of course he wanted to analyze comic books as an art form instead of just liking them, but maybe that's the way Egon does like things. I wonder if he analyzes me.

I know he has analyzed Peter. Because he sure does understand him. Once I asked him about it, because he and Peter are so different. Egon's serious and values intellect and science and theory, and he doesn't care what the rest of campus thinks of him. Peter's out to have a good time and he works really hard for his BMOC image. But Egon said Peter was a lot smarter than he wants anyone to guess. He said Peter liked to have people like him and so he played that kind of games. But that Peter was basically a loner who didn't let people get too close because he didn't trust people not to turn on him or use him.

I had to think about that a lot. Every time I see Peter on campus he's at the center of a group of people. Everybody likes him; well, most people do. There's some guys who are kind of envious of him, and even some of the more serious types who don't think much of his attitude. But Peter is never alone. He's always got somebody hanging around him, so how could he be a loner? Egon's awfully smart though, so I thought about it hard, and then I figured it out. Peter is a loner, really, and I don't know if he even wants to be. He hates being alone, but he doesn't let people get to know him, the way he really is. What all those other people see, Aunt Lois, it's just a front. He's giving them what they want and expect from somebody popular. But the inside guy is different. None of them know about how he spent Christmas night trailing around with the carolers so I wouldn't have to be on my own. Or how he goes over and studies with Egon, and how he gets so much fun dragging Egon out of the lab and taking him places Egon wouldn't go on his own. And then I realized what it was. He trusts Egon. He doesn't trust most people. So he lets them see what they want to see. But with Egon it's different, because he knows Egon won't let him down. I remembered Peter's dad and how I wondered if he was some kind of crook, but I didn't think I could say anything to Egon about that. I figured if Peter wanted me to know, he'd tell me himself.

Egon said Peter was the first person he met who took the trouble to look past the science and see the person he was, not just the physics student. And you know, I bet if you're as smart as Egon, people only see the smart. That's all I saw at first. I didn't realize Egon had a funny kind of dry sense of humor; he can say things really deadpan and Peter will start chuckling because he knows it's a joke, even if most people didn't get it. I'm starting to be able to tell when it's a joke now, too. But Peter always knew. Egon said the first time he made a joke in Peter's presence, he halfway expected it to go over Peter's head. It was in one of their parapsychology classes and both Egon and Peter said the prof was a horse's ass. Well, that's what Peter said. Egon said he was a self-indulgent, self-righteous anal-retentive...well, you get the picture. So Egon answered one of his comments and the prof didn't get it. He was too sure he was always right to realize anybody would make him the butt of their humor. Then Peter snickered. Egon said he turned around and there was Venkman, whom he'd halfway believed was an idiot until then, and Peter had not only got the joke he thought it was a really good one. He said he looked at Peter and Peter looked at him and they both burst out laughing. And it was the first time in his life Egon ever got thrown out of a class (he got to go back the next day, of course).

Peter said it was the first time he realized Egon wasn't just another boring egghead. So they started to study together and both of them said it was uphill work; because they just were so different, but then all of a sudden, they found they could talk to each other, and I think they realized they liked each other.

And you know what I think, Aunt Lois. I think Egon was always a loner, too, only a different kind. He was so caught up in his physics that he didn't have a chance to make friends when he was a kid. His dad always had him studying. I think his dad almost brainwashed him to be brilliant. It was his mom who encouraged his dad to play catch with him. So Egon never had any friends before he met Peter. Isn't that sad? He didn't miss having friends, because he'd never had any. Peter said it was his sworn duty to teach Egon how to have a good time because it was unAmerican not to. But I thought about it a lot and I think I've got them figured out, at least a little. Even though they're as different as night and day, they laugh at jokes in the same way. I don't mean they always think the same things are funny, but they have a similar kind of humor. That's not quite enough to be such good friends, but it's a start. I think that they realized that even if they were so different they were kindred spirits. You always told me I'd find kindred spirits one day and that I'd have wonderful friends. You said it was part of my nature to be a good friend and to have some. Well, they found they were. Because the only time I see Peter act 'out of character' with his fraternity brothers is when they're saying things about Egon. Peter nearly punched one of them out once because he said something nasty about Egon.

Remember I told you about yin and yang, two parts that fit together even though their shapes are different; a circle with a wavy line down the center. Well, maybe that's Peter and Egon. Each of them was alone before they met; one of them was acting the life of the party and one of them was buried in books and lab work. But now Peter is teaching Egon how to be a kid, and Egon is teaching Peter how not to be.

But they both like me, too. Aunt Lois, I can hear you, even all the way from Florence, saying, "Now, Ray, don't be humble," the way you always do. Okay, I won't. But I'm just a freshman and I'm not special, not like they are. I talked to Peter about it. I figured he'd know what I meant. Because in spite of that flippant way he can act, he's pretty smart about people. And I said I knew he and Egon were best friends and before I could say another word, he made me stop. He put his hand over my mouth, and then we had a wrestling match. He pinned me really quick. But then he's an athlete. So I'm flat on my back on my dorm room floor and he's sitting on me looking really smug like it's another triumph, then he shook his head, and said, "Come on, Ray, don't pull this humility thing." Just like you, Aunt Lois. "Because you're one smart kid and you're gonna go far. Even Egon says so." He hauled me to my feet and sprawled in my only chair so I had to sit on the floor. And then he said something I think was really smart, and hard for him to admit because he doesn't like to talk about his feelings at all. He said, "You're our middle ground, Ray." And I said, "Huh?" or something really brilliant like that. And he said, "You know. Egon's the first buddy I ever had, first guy I ever let myself trust. Guess you're the second." Gosh, that felt great, Aunt Lois, it was like getting an A+ in Taylor's class, you know, the guy who hardly ever gives above a B. I must have grinned like an idiot. And Peter said, "Egon and me, we're pretty different. We're friends, but we need a...balance. Here you are, and you're different from both of us, but you're a little like each of us. Egon says you're a catalyst." He shrugged, like he was really embarrassed opening up like that. "Egon says a catalyst is something that causes a chemical reaction without being changed, but I always thought it was a person who causes change. Maybe that's not even the right word. But Egon and I are better friends because of you, buddy."

And then I got it. Even if they really have this kindred spirit kind of friendship, it's really hard work because they really are so different from each other. But I'm a little like each of them, so it's like I make their being friends work better. And then Peter said, "I hope you'll stick with us, kid, because it's better with you here. And you better believe it, because even Egon'll tell you I don't get sappy very often." Golly, Aunt Lois, nobody ever said anything in my whole life that meant more to me than that. So I said something about yin and yang, and then Peter cracked up and started laughing like crazy. And when I asked why, he said Egon had told him about yin and yang and said to him only a couple days earlier that if they were yin and yang, they'd have to find a way to make it three things, yin and yang and something else, and draw their circle different, because there were three of us and we were turning into a team. And Peter said, "Yep, like the three musketeers."

So I said he must be Porthos because he was always worrying about what he'd wear and how he'd look, and maybe Egon was like Aramis, except that he wasn't going to be a priest or sneaking off with young ladies. And Peter said, no, he wasn't Porthos, he was Athos, because it suited his style to be brooding and mysterious. So I told that to Egon and he laughed so hard I thought he'd cry and told Peter nobody in the world was less brooding and mysterious than he was, and anyway, I had to be d'Artagnan. And then Peter said, there were four of them really and maybe that meant someday there'd be four of us and he started speculating, in a really silly way, about who the fourth might be and what he'd be like. And Egon, who must have read the book because I don't think he went to that great movie with Michael York in it a couple of years ago, said that he rather liked the concept of all for one and one for all. And even if he was teasing Egon and messing up his hair, I could tell Peter loved the idea because it meant he really belonged. And I think it's really nifty, Aunt Lois.

So anyway, I just wanted to let you know I was doing okay. I'm still getting to know the guys, but having them for my friends makes everything easier. Egon says I'm getting more confidence and Peter says I'm learning to stand up for myself. He calls it being pushy, but that's jut Peter. I'm learning to know what he means when he makes smart remarks. And I'm learning to tell when Egon's making a joke. But you know what I think it really is, Aunt Lois. I think I'm growing up. And I think it's easier when you've got people right on the spot who you can trust. Do you think I was a loner, too? I know the people in Morrisville thought I was kind of weird. I had a couple of friends, but not like Peter and Egon.

Anyway, you should get this before it's time for you to come home again. When you do get back, I want to bring Egon and Peter over some time. Because all three of us think it would be really great. It's kind of funny, Peter's started calling you Aunt Lois, too. I think he'd really love to have an aunt. That's one way he's like me, I think, he craves family, only he doesn't really admit it--and he really misses his mom. And Egon always calls you Ray's-Aunt-Lois as if it was one word, but I suspect he couldn't resist your cherry pie. Or how nice you are.

So I'm really looking forward to seeing you again. Peter's got an old junk heap of a car; it really does run, even if it looks terrible, and he says we can come out to the airport to meet you when you get home, so you won't have to take a taxi. So plan on seeing all three of us when you get home. And I forgot to tell you, I got my grades and I got straight A's in all my classes, even Taylor's. Isn't that great?

Love from your nephew

Ray

to return to the main page, click here.