Non-polys sometimes treat polys with condescension. Some non-polys accuse polys of simply "sleeping around".
In my own religious/spiritual communities (Unitarian, Pagan), I have been taken to task along these lines. A Unitarian once told me that polyamory is "obviously just a code-word for promiscuity". And I've had Pagans object to my discussing polyamory on Pagan e-lists. It's sometimes been suggested that polys are simply trolling for sex partners.
What I try to explain -- unsuccessfully, it seems -- is that my polyamory is part of my spirituality. Or would it be more accurate to say, my polyamory has a spiritual component?
Most people, I think, see that there is a spiritual component to marriage.
Many Unitarians and Pagans bless gay marriage as well as heterosexual marriage -- and I'm quite proud of them for that. They see that same-gender relationships have the same spiritual potential as straight relationships. Some of us understand that marriage is about more than "making babies". Our society blessed my marriage to my wife, even though neither of us intended to have children.
For whatever reason, however, a relationship of more than two lovers is -- for some people -- still just "sleeping around."
But some of us form long-term, committed, loving, respectful, enriching relationships with more than one other person at a time. These relationships are "sexual" in much the same way that monogamous relationships are "sexual": Some are very sexual, some less so.
And -- just as in monogamous relationships -- polyrelationships can provide a basis for spiritual development. Polyamory is no more "just about sex" than monogamy ("monamory"?) is.
Over the New Year holiday, I sent the following email to my two sisters, on the other side of the U.S.:
"With everything I see in the paper about gay marriage, marriage, sex, relationships, etc, I feel drawn to affirm...
"...the blessedness of all relationships (platonic or physical) of caring between people; including loving, caring relationships between one man and one woman, one man and another man, one woman and another woman, and among groups of more than two who love and care for one another;
"And, in so far as I am able...I will bless, affirm and support these relationships.
"Verily, Verily -- Amen."
I was tremendously impressed by something our Unitarian (and lesbian!) intern minister said recently: "Countering oppression is spiritual work."
And, as a GLBT tee-shirt from Amnesty International says: "Love is a basic human right."
These truths apply as much to polys as to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.
Unitarians, Pagans -- Brothers and Sisters of all (and of no!) faiths: "The banner over us is Love" (Chapter 2, Verse 4, "Song of Songs", from the Jewish Writings).