Many years ago, I attended the weeklong Southeast Unitarian Universalist Summer Institute (SUUSI) in Virginia. There, I participated in a workshop entitled “Love, Sex, and Non-violence”.
The premise of the workshop was that people can learn to communicate more clearly on sexual issues; specifically: When you are attracted to someone, or when someone is attracted to you. The point was, we can learn non-threatening ways of telling people that we like them, or are attracted to them, or are aroused by them. And there are ways of saying “yes” to someone who tells you this (easy) or of saying “no” (maybe more difficult).
The participants practiced dialogues leading up to statements like “I’d really like to make love with you” – followed by replies such as “I’d really like that, too!” or “I’m sorry. I really would rather not.”
At that time (I don’t know whether it’s still like this), SUUSI hosted a dance every evening. The workshop participants’ private “joke” was the observation that, no matter how well the workshop exercises went during the day, every night at the dance participants seemed to revert to their “old” behavior (“Would ya like to come up to my room, Babe?” “Get your hand off my knee – NOW!”).
These many years later, have we made any progress? Many of us still feel vulnerable when we express an interest in someone; we’re embarrassed and hurt when we’re rejected. Or: We feel threatened when someone approaches us.
We still misunderstand one another: “That person propositioned me!” (“I merely gave them my phone number!”).
Last summer, I was asked by several people if I would like to get together “one-on-one”. I accepted all these offers (I’m a friendly guy!) – although I wasn’t sure at the time whether I was being invited out for a “friendly chat” or for a “date”. I’m still not totally sure (!)
All of which just confirms the old poly imperative: We must learn to communicate!
By the way, there will be an “Introduction to Polyamory” workshop at this year’s SUUSI (just as there has been at recent Unitarian Universalist General Assemblies).
(I hear second-hand, from various sources, that UU Youth have been heard to exclaim: “But all my friends are poly!” Can it be?? Guess we’ll see!).
U GO UU’S!!!