The phrase “coming out” is deceptive. There is no single “coming out” that you do – there’s always at least one more person, somewhere, who “doesn’t know.” So, just when you think that you’ll never need to explain it again…
And there is no “one way” to explain it. I’ve been trying to explain my polyness to various people for just about thirty years. Of course, early on, the term “polyamory” hadn’t been coined yet – I had to explain; and not a philosophy, but my own personal feelings and attitudes; totally disconnected from anyone else I knew (the most closely related approach I could point to was “group marriage”). Misunderstandings, put-downs, rejections followed. Of course, in my case, several “coming-out” issues converged: polyamory, paganism, bisexuality, and some transgender issues.
I’ve sometimes been accused of “just wanting attention,” or “just pushing the envelope.” Don’t be surprised if your “coming out” produces completely unexpected reactions.
I “came out” (Again? Explicitly?) to my siblings last year. Their reactions were almost too subdued. They told me that I would “always be family”; that they would “always love me,” etc. (Well – I did omit the transgender issues, I concede). Of course, my sisters are much older than I – perhaps they really have achieved a reasonable, “mature” perspective.
But, even after you’ve “come out” – well, I’m not comfortable yet about how to refer to my lovers. Coming out to others involves a continual coming out to yourself – learning more about yourself, what you’re comfortable with, what you need, what enriches you. “Coming out” is a continual process of self-growth – and of relating to those you love, and those around you.