Our topic for June is Jealousy -- yes! At one time polys were going to outgrow it. Then we decided "we would always have it with us"; we could learn from it.
I know I've been jealous at least three times in my life: once with my (first) fiancee, once with my post-fiancee girlfriend, and once again, with the woman I eventually married.
In the case of my first fiancee, I simply wanted to monopolize her time -- I was visiting her (she lived 400 miles away) and she was spending just a little too much time with other people. In the case of the girlfriend that came "after," I got upset at dances when she danced (or talked) with other people. In the case of my eventually wife, dance was involved again. She danced with a good-looking man who was also a good dancer. I sulked for quite awhile.
Ah yes - now I recall a fourth example of jealousy, again at a dance. I felt ignored because the person I was interested in, who had invited me to the dance, was spending all her time talking to someone else.
In all four cases, I felt left out and neglected -- not cared about. I didn't trust the other person.
In subsequent relationships, I came to trust more. I've become less possessive. Jealousy has diminished. I'm happier.
Jealousy may be useful. We may learn from it. But I'm happier when I'm not jealous. And I think I'm a better person when I'm not jealous.
My wife once had a lover who believed that jealousy was an essential biological response. He believed that jealousy should be praised and encouraged and condoned.
I disagree. When it comes, it comes. We have to acknowledge that it comes sometimes. But I won't say that I'm admirable when I'm jealous.