I’ve talked before about how I used to screen people for South Bay Polys, based on two principal factors:
Were they looking for easy sex (which I sometimes assumed if they appeared to have polyamory confused with “swinging”)?
Did they seem “sleazy” (did they breathe heavy into the telephone while they were talking to me? Did they seem overly interested in the sexual aspect of polyamory?)?
I myself was a bit of a relationship snob – I suspected people who engaged in purely sexual “flings.” I considered myself “purer” – I was interested in relationships.
But my idol, the writer Christopher Isherwood (see the YahooGroup christopher_isherwood or the LiveJournal community c_isherwood) lived over 30 years in a committed relationship; but he and his partner were involved with other people – one-night stand or otherwise. People I know and respect sometimes have purely sexual relationships.
Am I to judge? My ethic (and that of most polys?) is a meta-ethic: Have what relationship you will, what sex you will – but respect, don’t exploit. Be honest, not deceitful.