I remember about seven years ago, when South Bay Polys was pretty new, I posted a monthly meeting announcement to a newsgroup and someone replied (more or less):
"Why don't you just admit that you're really just looking for more people to have sex with?"
To which I replied:
"Because that isn't what I'm looking for".
But the allegation persists. "Polyamory is just an excuse to have sex with more people." This is really beginning to annoy me.
"So where do you get that?" I ask.
"It's obvious: poly-amory - "more love".
It's maddening. I mean, on one level, sure: "polyamory" means involvement with more than one person. And to the extent that "involvement" includes having sex, sure: polyamory involves having sex with more than one person.
But - the purpose of polyamory (at least for me) isn't to have sex with many people; it's to have love-relationships with more than one person; which to me seems a very different matter indeed.
After all, the entire spectrum of what is commonly called "dating" - up to and including marriage - you might say that that is all just an excuse to have sex; but that would be an incomplete description.
The more I consider it, the more similarities I see between monogamy and polyamory (in their relationship aspects).
I suppose it would seem trite to say: "Polyamorous relationships are a lot like monogamous relationships, only with more people".
The more important distinction is between "open" and "closed" relationships.
But "open" relationships aren't necessarily "just about sex" either.
Some people are only after sex. But most people want other things too: love, family, children, companionship.
And wanting these things and also sex is very different from wanting "just" sex.