South Bay Poly Essay #139 (October 2006)

“How Do You Bring Up Poly?”

Someone at our meeting a few months ago asked, "How do you broach the subject of polyamory with someone you're seeing? How do you let them know that you're polyamourous?"

Depends on the situation -- I'm married. I'm in a different situation than a single person. It might also be different depending on where you are meeting someone -- at a party where your spouse/spice is/are present? On a business trip? And so on.

Sometimes I'm in a situation where people already know I'm poly - that's easy then, eh? Or sometimes people have known that I'm married -- that's another case. People might make assumptions -- that I'm looking for sex, that I'm looking for a clandestine "affair," etc. Different situations require different explanations and different beginnings.

For a single person, beginning to date someone -- that's harder. Or, in my case, if I'm on a business trip and meet someone -- it's awkward to find my way to the point where I can say, "I'm married -- but we still might make some kind or relationship, you and I -- not secret -- an open one that my wife would know about and accept..."

There's always that temptation -- not to tell -- to wait until "later"... Not a good idea!

What would you do? What do you think? How would you do it? Can you tell us? Come to our next meeting and let us know!


Copyright 2006, William Albert Baldwin