<> Ask the Pastor The Rev. Walter P. Snyder Q: Have you found any new jokes to tell us? A: It has been quite a while since we shared some humor, so let's pause to enjoy the gift of laughter. This first one makes fun of the sometimes small salaries drawn by men of the cloth. A pastor's wife heard a sound in an adjoining room and said, "Wake up! There are burglars in our house!" "What of it?" said the minister. "Let them find out their mistake by themselves." Of course, most of us in the clergy are proud of our ability to preach. Sometimes our perceptions don't match the reality. An example is from the woman who said to her pastor, "You don't know how much your sermons have meant to my husband since he lost his mind." We ministers sometimes must be reminded that we need to focus on the needs of our own families as well as those of our parishioners. For instance, there was the young daughter of a pastor who had to go to bed early because she was not feeling well; therefore, she missed her usual playtime with her daddy. A few minutes later, she came to the top of the stairs and called, "Mommy, I need to talk to Daddy." "No, honey" her mother replied, "get back in bed." "Mommy, please." "I said no. Now that's enough. Go back to bed." "Mother, I am a very sick woman, and I need to speak with my pastor right away." Some time ago, I wrote a series of columns about the Seven Deadly Sins and the Seven Virtues. The religious humor list to which I subscribe mentioned that the characters on the old TV show Gilligan's Island each personified one of these sins. They are, in no particular order: Gilligan, Sloth; the Skipper, Anger; Thurston Howell III, Greed; Lovey Howell, Gluttony; Ginger, Lust; Professor; Pride; and Mary Ann, Envy. A while back, we also had a question about Biblical interpretation. I gave my honest and unflattering opinion about some modern methods, which are often lumped together under the category of "Higher Criticism." Much of what passes for modern Biblical scholarship is an attempt to figure out who the so-called "Historical Jesus" really was, and what he said and did. Here's a parody of this method, done as a press release. It deals with future researchers as they investigate the life of inventor Thomas Alva Edison: Nearly two thousand years ago, it is claimed there lived a man named Thomas Edison. We've decided to review the many texts about him to discover the "historical Edison." Our conclusions are that while he most probably did live in the late 1800s in what was then known as the United States of America, certain mythic intrusions have clung to the accounts of his life. 1. Edison couldn't have been a close personal friend of Henry Ford. It's far too unlikely that two men of such stature would have known each other. Instead, we believe that this misconception stems from a common literary tradition, which links great figures who in reality never met. This friendship was obviously a literary creation of Edison's followers. 2. Edison obviously didn't have hundreds of inventions and patents. He probably had one or two good inventions, and it then became a literary tradition to ascribe good inventions to him. Edison's followers obviously encouraged this, because it increased their power base. 3. Edison was not "hearing-impaired" or "deaf." This is a melodramatic touch added by a later redactor or editor of the Edison story. The irony is too great, that a deaf man invented a method of recording sound, namely the phonograph record. This is clearly a literary touch added later to increase the dramatic effect of Edison's inventiveness. 4. Having established that Edison was not deaf, it is clear that the story about how he lost his hearing (being thrown from a moving train) is also a pure fiction. This must have been added at a very late date by the last generation of redactors/editors. Until next week, when, Lord willing, we enjoy more of your questions, remember to "Ask the Pastor" at P.O. Box 1080, Jasper, Texas, 75951; E-mail xrysostom@aol.com; or catch me around town. Pastor Snyder serves St. Paul and Faith Lutheran Churches, Jasper and Woodville, Texas and is the coauthor of "What Do Lutherans Believe? A Study Guide in Christian Teachings for Adults." Copyright (c) 1997 by Walter P. Snyder Permission is granted by author to reproduce or retransmit this by any means, provided that its content is not altered, that this notice of copyright and permission is included, and that no financial gain is realized.